nyckid33 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 My ex of 2 1/2 years broke up with me again after the relationship had gotten stale over the last month (Problems occurred again that weren't solved the last time we got back together) She left me about 3 weeks ago and at first she would contact me saying she loved me so much and missed me, and how hard this was for her. and that shes been a mess but is trying to stay strong. So I suggested we cut all contact because I didnt want to say "love you too" meanwhile we werent together. Well we had been NC for about 2 weeks and the other night I was tempted to call so I did. We talked about the relationship and I offered a way to start again and really work on problems this time. She started crying and said she wishes I would of told her these things while we were still together, and that she doesn't think that's whats best right now. We then talked about how we missed each other so much, and eventually we met up and had sex. Yes, a bad idea indeed but not until afterwards was this realized. We did it and it was great, and we cuddled after and kissed and she kept telling me that she loved me etc. Well the next day she text me saying it was an amazing night but that she didnt think it was a good idea because it made her miserable the next day for the simple fact that she really misses my kisses, me holding her etc. She said I have to promise her that we wont do that again because its making the process much harder. She then proceeded with " Hope you have a good weekend, I will talk too you soon. I love you." So why is this girl trying so hard to move on!!! Meanwhile it seems obvious that she would love to stay with me. And what should I do about this situation? I would love to be with her again, but this back and forth stuff has to be stopped, and stopped soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence44 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I'd say that she's trying so hard to move on because she wasn't happy in the relationship with you despite having feelings for you. This is evidenced by the fact that she told you that she wishes you'd been saying the things you said to her on the phone before you broke up. Basically it's "too little too late" for her. She told you that she didn't think nights like that were a good idea because it was making her second guess herself, and the logical parts of her that led her to leave are telling her that being close to you is a bad idea. Also, there's a sense of comfort and familiarity with you, but it doesn't mean that she wants to be back with you. You are right that the back and forth has to be stopped, and you have the power to stop it. Do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyckid33 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I'd say that she's trying so hard to move on because she wasn't happy in the relationship with you despite having feelings for you. This is evidenced by the fact that she told you that she wishes you'd been saying the things you said to her on the phone before you broke up. Basically it's "too little too late" for her. She told you that she didn't think nights like that were a good idea because it was making her second guess herself, and the logical parts of her that led her to leave are telling her that being close to you is a bad idea. Also, there's a sense of comfort and familiarity with you, but it doesn't mean that she wants to be back with you. You are right that the back and forth has to be stopped, and you have the power to stop it. Do it. Hmm this all makes a lot of sense thanks!! Do you think me not contacting her at all would be bad for any chance of reconciliation? This may sound weird but I guess in a way I want her to second guess herself so she could give us a chance... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence44 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Hmm this all makes a lot of sense thanks!! Do you think me not contacting her at all would be bad for any chance of reconciliation? I can't tell you that because you can't control the thoughts and feelings of another person. She has to want to reconcile, and no matter what you do and don't do that may not happen. So shift your thinking to you and what is best for you. And if I am giving advice for your well-being, I'd say that you should not contact her so that you can have the time and distance to move on. I think you should not do what she wants if she contacts you. Self-respect is an attractive thing, so make choices based on what you want and need as a single guy. I think that showing that you respect yourself and won't accept what she wants to give you (if it's only on her terms) gives you the best chance of her feeling attraction again, but it's no guarantee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 What, exactly, were the problems that broke you up that were never resolved? What, in your mind, can either or both of you change to resolve them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyckid33 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Basically i dodnt treat her as good as a could have, kind of put her second. I was never abusive and we didnt even are THAT much but i wouldnt show her enough affection and communication on my end was lacking big time. Also, she wanted to take our relationship to the next level while i was hesitant to do so for some reason. She put so much into the relationship and somewhere down the line I stopped putting much into it. I feel like it would change again if I actually worked on comm skill, and showed her the affection she deserves. And not just say im working on problems, but making a conscious effort everyday to do so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyckid33 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 sorry for the typos, im using a mobile device Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sim54 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Well, she's 50 percent responsible for the relationship, so it wasn't all your fault. It is a classic trap, of one giving more than the other which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You need to walk away right now. Not in a mean way, but live for you. Your old relationship is finished and over, and may stay that way permanently. But accept it's finished, grieve the loss and start to move on. This may take quite a while, despite how easy it is to say. In the end, wanting someone who no longer wants us is a form of self abandonment. What ever, you have some power here, to 'leave' her as she has left you. Knowing what i know now, i would step well away from her, but then I haven't just been dumped!! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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