Online Dating?? Advice needed?

[Leo78]

I've been single for six months now and want to get back into the dating scene, have signed up for quite a few dating sites such PlentyofFish, Dating Direct but I don't seem to get any joy. I've worked hard on trying to get an honest and decent profile, I've studied their profiles and sent a few meesages. Sometimes I go back Iand find out that their messages are delected, this can get me really down. Where am I going wrong?

[soul_soother]

My personal opinion:

Online dating sites suck. The reason I think they suck is because, usually when someone wants to be dating and not dating someone, they often accept below their usual standards. It can work great and sometimes people meet amazing people. Like I've said to multiple friends in the past, the best way to find love, is to stop looking for it, and stop being impatient. Every time I've became obsessed with possibly dating people, it never works out. The moment I say "I want to be single, there is no way I would want to date someone right now" bam, love finds me. My opinion for getting in the dating scene again, is get out of the trying to date scene, and start the being social going out scene instead..

[Batya33]

I think meeting people through on line dating sites as one of a number of ways of meeting people is a great idea. I mostly had good experiences and I have several friends in happy marriages where they first met through an on line dating site. I think it's a bad idea to be desperate or obsessed with dating and a great idea to be proactive about meeting people -passivity makes little sense if you're looking for a long term relationship.

[BrowneyedMan]

My personal opinion:

Online dating sites suck. The reason I think they suck is because, usually when someone wants to be dating and not dating someone, they often accept below their usual standards. It can work great and sometimes people meet amazing people. Like I've said to multiple friends in the past, the best way to find love, is to stop looking for it, and stop being impatient. Every time I've became obsessed with possibly dating people, it never works out. The moment I say "I want to be single, there is no way I would want to date someone right now" bam, love finds me. My opinion for getting in the dating scene again, is get out of the trying to date scene, and start the being social going out scene instead..

 

Excellent post !

[Mesemene]

I think they have their place.

 

That said, I think a lot of people going into them are unrealistic in their expectations. For example, I knew a travelling businessman who signed up because he never had time to really go anywhere he could meet women.

 

Problem? He didn't have time to meet them to really date them either!!! He was a consultant, and on the road almost constantly - and being able to meet women didn't change that situation any at all. Sure, he could meet some women that seemed like a good match - but he still didn't have time to see them!

 

And the "desperate" part is true. Just like any other social meeting place - the less you're looking for, the odds are better you'll find more.

[Cadence44]

My personal opinion:

Online dating sites suck. The reason I think they suck is because, usually when someone wants to be dating and not dating someone, they often accept below their usual standards. It can work great and sometimes people meet amazing people. Like I've said to multiple friends in the past, the best way to find love, is to stop looking for it, and stop being impatient. Every time I've became obsessed with possibly dating people, it never works out. The moment I say "I want to be single, there is no way I would want to date someone right now" bam, love finds me. My opinion for getting in the dating scene again, is get out of the trying to date scene, and start the being social going out scene instead..

 

But you understand that some people don't have options to get out and meet people, right? Maybe they're well out of college and their friends have all settled down and don't like to go out on the town anymore, maybe they have kids to take care of and it's hard to find the time to get out and mingle. If those people did what works for you, they'd be alone forever because they'd never meet anyone.

[annie24]

I always had better luck with pay dating sites. It seems to me that people on there are more serious about finding a date in real life.

[tmtex]

I have been playing on them in a yr in Dec. IMO they are filled with "bottom of the barrell" except me of course LOL. If you want sex then its great and easy. POF most of them are just looking to get laid(females) or they are married and bored just playing ya.

[Dubb]

Use online dating as another tool to meet girls but don't make it your only means. Meeting girls out in the world should be the most important. Online dating isn't easy unless you have really good photos...if you're going for the best looking girls keep in mind they get hammered with messages. SO be sure to send stuff that stands out. It should be congruent with your profile. Your messages and profile should always be funny but also speak to them in a way they understand... Ive messed with online sites but only as an additional way to meet girls. I'm still most productive out in the world and I think unless you have some killer pics you need to be good with girls offline to have a real shot online. I go hot and cold on those sites despite some killer messages. It's just the way it is...Take it with a huge grain of salt. The free sites are the worst b/c a lot of those girls are fresh out of a relationship and are just looking to get over some pain. I can't even begin to tell you how many of those I meet. You learn to catch on fast.. To give you an idea of some of the silly stuff I send I will post a message I use..

 

Title: I was wondering???

Body: Will you marry me?! oops..I mean hi, I like (something you read in her profile) too ;-)

 

I mess with that stock message a lot and it's done ok. I'm talking to a really pretty girl right now using something close to that... except I noticed we were the same nationality so I told her it must mean we are soul mates.. it worked for her.. other girls may of cringed.. point being..send things you think are funny.. if she does too you're onto something. stick with this but don't let it get you down. ONline is not easy. good luck.

[Leo78]

Thanks for the advice Dubb. Yeah I'm aware of the problems you get with online dating, you don't know who they are and yeah people tend to use them when on the rebound. I think its becoming more and more common though nowadays, because more and more people use the internet. It may not be right or natural, but this is the 21st century.

I take Annies point as well. I have had some responses from pay sites but rarely off PlenntyofFish. I think because its free there is a lot of piss-takers on that site, as well as people looking for just sex.

[iwishiknew]

Online dating does suck! I did for about 9 yrs and got no responses. It is nothing but a looks game.

[Leo78]

Online dating does suck! I did for about 9 yrs and got no responses. It is nothing but a looks game.

 

All my previous relationships bar one I've met online. For me its the only way I've been able to find someone. I've never had the confidence to meet people in pubs and clubs, and I don't think I'm gonna get that confidence anytime soon. If online dating sucks, then the 21st century sucks

[Batya33]

I think you do need reasonable self esteem and confidence in general to be in a healthy relationship no matter how you meet. And again please stop thinking about it as online dating since these are people you're going to meet in person ASAP after you contact them if you feel there is enough in common to talk for 30-45 minutes over coffee(and that the person is safe to meet in a public place during the day which I realize is more of a woman's issue than a man's). If you do that then who cares how you met? Although I don't have it official yet, our good friend who is in his 30s just got engaged to a woman in her 30s last night -they met through an on line site 1.5 years ago, and lived a few hours apart until a few months ago. They're a great couple, sincere, genuine people, attractive, educated professionals. The number of couples I know who met this way and are married/engaged/together for many years are in the double digits at this point.

[soul_soother]

Dating vs dating someone: I mean that when you want to go out and date your not talking any particular person, you are out looking for someone out there vs you desire dating a specific one person.

 

As for the "can't get out and go do things" for various reasons. If your so busy with your children to the point where you can't go out and enjoy yourself, do you think that person has enough time to be in a relationship?? By social, I didn't say go out and drink. There are plenty of things, join a book club, gym classes, a local sports meet, card nights, night enjoyment classes (ie cooking or art or music), be an extrovert and meet people. I can understand why some people use online dating and I'm not flaming against it, I'm just saying in my opinion I think most people have negative results and usually end up becoming more depressed from it because of the rejection rate.

 

If you have a social problem ie low self confidence or shyness, and online dating is your way around that, then the issue at hand should be more fixing your low self confidence or low self esteem. Everyone regardless of looks, regardless of weight, deserves someone who will treat them right. And online dating usually superceeds that by finding people who look good, then somewhat decently match someone you could imagine yourself with (not to mention a profile which they create). Soon enough that person who says they love all the same things you do and then you meet them and they have no clue about what they are talking about, you've just wasted a whole bunch of time.

[hrtlsngl7]

Don't put all you're eggs in one basket. Go due some activities in the real world and meet women. Dating sites suck cuz all the women are wanting to meet a man taller than them, w/ a better or equal degree, a higher-income than them, male-model looks, and own a house/car/biz. Meeting face-to-face is easier in the sense that not all that info is know and can only judge you on your looks and your personality. Not some words & fake pics on a profile.

[annie24]

Don't put all you're eggs in one basket. Go due some activities in the real world and meet women. Dating sites suck cuz all the women are wanting to meet a man taller than them, w/ a better or equal degree, a higher-income than them, male-model looks, and own a house/car/biz. Meeting face-to-face is easier in the sense that not all that info is know and can only judge you on your looks and your personality. Not some words & fake pics on a profile.

 

yeah.... this is the case for me. online, i'm pretty much looking for certain statistics. In person though, if I feel chemistry/attraction, I can overlook some things that don't look perfect on paper/on my computer screen.

[Lamour detruit]

There is one thing you should know about online dating sites..it's all a game. People always give advice about "be honest, yet funny" or "try to write about yourself in an original way". Honestly, both are nonsense if you're looking for the best response rate. I'd even go as far it's better to say very little about yourself to keep them wondering. The profiles that do best are completely random, with some funny story in it.

 

Now on to what you should write in messages. The only thing I can say is..look at their profile..and write a *short* message regarding something in their profile, while teasing them at the same time. Girls get 50 messages a day, no exageration..so you have to be original and not just go for the "hey, u so cute..your profile looked interesting"..that * * * * will not fly.

 

In the end, you should also not pay very much attention to what girls say they do or don't do on their profiles..although it might depend on the specific dating site. Most of the time when they state "not looking for a hook up"..they mean.."looking for a hook up..just don't start out sexual".