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My relationship with my mum could be holding me back, dont know what to do :/

Voguester

By Voguester
in Relationship Advice

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Voguester

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Well things have started to become pretty bad for me lately I feel and I don't know how to get out of this situation...

 

I live at home with my mum, my older sister, my younger sister (who has a disability) and my sister's young daughter. My older sister has had a severe drug and alcohol problem for many years, going off in the middle of the night drunk with lots of different men and basically causing my mother A LOT of stress and me too, it's not nice having the police and ambulance here frequently when my sister threatens to kill herself after shes been drinking. I just lay in bed at night, hear or see a light come on and think '...oh got, not tonight' .My mum has to look after my niece when this happens and it's all just really bad, my sister won't get help and is really selfish.

 

Well in the past couple of weeks she has completely gone off the rails and my mum finally said she has had enough, so my sister has moved out. We don't really know the details of what shes up to but we know she's safe at least.

 

Me on the other hand, I'm not doing so good and I dont understand why, I just feel quite depressed. I have a casual job which provides me enough money for my bills and food etc and recently I have given up, today I didn't even show up for my shift and so I know my manager probably won't even put me on anymore. I have no job now which is sad because I enjoy being amongst people and working really does bring me some fulfillment so I dont feel completely worthless.

 

I'm finding my new routine centres around my mother who without anybody's attention becomes really lonely. She's sucking the life out of me right now, wants me to be around her ALL THE TIME. My older alcoholic sister was like a best friend to her and they would always be together, go shopping, go to lunches and just talk always. I guess my mum deep down enjoyed the role of looking after her even though it was stressful and constant.

 

I'm falling down into this dark hole that I can't get out of it, it's like I'm screaming and no one can hear me. I know what I want in my life and I'm right now applying for as many jobs as I can but unfortunately I lack skills and confidence, I basically hate me so it's hard for me to go into an interview and try to self myself when even I know I have nothing to offer.

 

My dream is to move overseas in 4 months where I have a special friend I can stay with for a while. I know my life would be so much healthier without this constant shadow of my mum hanging over me, its stopping me from reaching any potential that I could have. I NEED to be on my own for a while and learn what its like to be an adult because Im 25 years old, I have no identity whatsoever.

 

I just don't know what to do, everything is falling apart and I'm losing hope...

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