Robin2904 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Hey guys. I'm basically having a pretty hard time with feeling lonely. I know everyone feels loneliness, but it was NEVER a problem for me. I've always been used to it. I'm an only child, no other kids in my family my age, always considered myself a 'loner' sometimes I would even opt to be by myself instead of being around people. I like my 'me' time, I always have. Recently though, I find that I don't like being alone as much. I'm always wanting to hang out with my friends (Don't have too many close ones, my best friend has a boyfriend who takes up most of her time...) so it's like I'm stuck dealing with it 95% of the time. I also have NEVER felt this NEED for another person before. I still ache for my ex (It's been about 10 months since we were together) and it's really frustrating. I hardly ever get attached to people like that. Even for me for the most part loss of friendships have been very easy to get over. I've never in my life felt like I NEEDED another human being and it's scary. Don't get me wrong I've made a lot of progress but the loneliness, and the longing for him has really been scary for me, especially after almost a year. I'm having a hard time dealing with it these days. I've never in my life felt like I needed someone, like a peace of me was missing with out them in my life- not to this extent....he was my first love though, pretty much my first everything. I just hope I don't always feel this longing for him Mostly just venting. Wondering how others have dealt/are dealing with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Wondering how others have dealt/are dealing with this. After my meltdown I lost everything including my income... I'm just pushing on and taking care of the day to day things to try and make sure things never get that bad again* I just hope I don't always feel this longing for him I highly doubt it x Keep movin' Robin*.....You're not alone.... Carus* 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
im_the_undead Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 going through this right now....... i have no remedy. just know you're not alone.. maybe the thought would be a little comforting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin2904 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Thanks Carus I hope things look up for you soon! I've has a lot of bad stuff happen in my life recently too- been kind of a downward spiral since the break up....actually more of a roller coaster, down, slight up, now I'm at the waaay bottom of a big drop, just waiting to get back up again! 2011 hasn't been good to me, hopefully 2012 will be better, for both of us!! and HUGS to you im_the_undead! It is comforting to have others to commiserate with at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabbledave Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I also have NEVER felt this NEED for another person before ... I've never in my life felt like I NEEDED another human being and it's scary ... I've never in my life felt like I needed someone, like a peace of me was missing with out them in my life We've all felt the same way after the break-up. I can understand how it might be a little worrying after so much time has passed. You use the words "need" and "needed" throughout your post. Challenge that feeling of "NEED" and transfer that neediness back toward yourself: Do I need him to live and breathe? No! Do I need him to love myself? No! Do I need him to respect myself? No! Do I need him to feel whole? No! Do I need him to feel strong? No! Do I need him to be happy? No! etc etc ... What do I need to live and breathe? ME! What do I need to love myself? ME! What do I need to respect myself? ME! What do I need to feel whole? ME! What do I need to feel strong? ME! What do I need to be happy? ME! etc etc ... Am I living and breathing? Yes! Do I love myself? Yes! Do I respect myself? Yes! Am I whole? Yes! Am I strong? Yes! Am I happy? Yes! etc etc You NEED yourself back, the cool independent girl who loves her alone time! DD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SorrowandPain Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 OP: I feel the same as you Your avatar keeps making me think of Taylor Swift songs but it's so pathetic of me because I'm a dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleina2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I was too an only child and LOVED being on my own. The only person I could not stay away from was my ex. I just needed him to be always around. I tend to isolate myself when in a relationship, even if things in it aren't that great. Now I feel soo lonely. My week is pretty busy but I don't have many friends as I live in a foreign country and have no family or old friends around. He was my family and he knows that. It will take time to build a support network and anyway, friends have their own lives and depending on the age also their own families. Feel free to PM me if you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Yeah, I am a loner too. I guess its because I am a pisces or something. I like staying home and watching movies, I dont even go to the gym, I instead bought all my weights and train alone, lol. But, now that I am single, I felt forced to go out, to forget and busy my mind with the distraction of others. I now look at my friends as saviors to this loneliness. Last night my cousin went out and I was a bit annoyed he didnt ask me to go with him, it made me feel a bit lonely. Not only am I naturally a loner, but it became worse when I got into a relationship, before then I was active in bars and clubs (with friends i rarely talk to now, I guess I just have to put the effort into re-connecting, sucks that they hang out by where she lives, lol, fate is playing games with me). You want to reach out and go out to forget, sometimes its because you might feel a bit pathetic staying home alone (when otherwise it wouldnt bother you), and sometimes you feel time is passing you by. Funny, but last night i laid in bed and thought about how much I liked cuddling. How much I missed seeing a body there and just diving right in, feeling her heartbeat, and squeezing her, and warming each other up. I miss the, me and you mentality, the us against the world. Just live to love your company everyday. I try to keep busy, I read books on bodybuilding, comic books, and engineering stuff. BB is hobby, comic books is entertainment only, and engineering is my attempts to boost my knowledge for my future. I think those 3, either done in books or movies, or school and outside activities, is the best to appreciate your own time, and to forget all the outside stuff when it starts to hit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manu85 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Hey Robin, What you're feeling is completely normal and I don't think you realize enough how hard you're making things on yourself. Who wouldn't go through a long healing process after one the most intense relationships of your life broke off? And dealing with this on your own is VERY TOUGH, even though, you are (like me), by nature, a loner. But everyone, especially sensitive loners, need warmth and support in times like these. Try and meet some new people, try and reconnect with old friends you lost track of, be a little more whiney than usual to your best friend, keep talking about your feelings. I know, it sounds like the most cheesy and typical advice, but you'd be surprised how good this actually WORKS! Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadchick83 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Robin, I totally understand. Do you think this recent round of contact with his family could have brought this on? Or the cooling weather? Its unfortunate to be robbed of something so personal- the ability to being happy alone. I'm like you. I was a ultra marathoner...loved my 8 hour runs by myself, looked forward to weekends alone, went to Europe twice for several months alone. So, I know how you feel. You are only 10 months out. At 14 or 15 months you will feel better. I know this sounds silly, but I treated myself to an Ipad...great piece of kit IMO. I really think it may be due to his mothers recent contact. Could this be true? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadchick83 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Sorry, forgot to add this....you will feel better at the 13, 14 month mark. There is something about hitting a year that is paramount to healing. Like, you can't say well a year ago today we were doing this. I know its hard, and I have only done a bit of this, but creating new memories Is really important for healing...Otherwise, you will be stuck in the past! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
im_the_undead Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 OP: I feel the same as you Your avatar keeps making me think of Taylor Swift songs but it's so pathetic of me because I'm a dude. lol! aweee that's so funny and sweet at the same time. don't feel bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin2904 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Thanks everyone for the replies! Even when I feel like crud having everyone here to vent my feelings to, and people to tell me they understand what I'm going through...it just helps alot! You NEED yourself back, the cool independent girl who loves her alone time! Thanks Dave! I'm trying to get back to that person, it's tough. But your VERY right- I DON'T need him to be any of those things. I tell myself that all the time. And my head KNOWS I don't need him (Obviously because I'm still standing with out him) it's hard to decipher 'need' from 'want' sometimes.... OP: I feel the same as you Your avatar keeps making me think of Taylor Swift songs but it's so pathetic of me because I'm a dude. Certainly not pathetic! Taylor Swift is everywhere these days, no escaping her no matter whether your a girl or a guy lol....no harm in it, and she's pretty much the queen of angsty break up songs that hit you in the gut (for me anyway)....bleh! I really think it may be due to his mothers recent contact. Could this be true? Yeah I definitely think it has had some effect on it! It dredged stuff back up for me. I mean I can't say I was doing great before hand- I really wasn't....but opening up communication again sucked for me. Speaking to his mom, and especially him again a few weeks ago....definitely wasn't good for me. Put me in a bit of a rut. Actually I think in a way it's made me more lonely then I was because for a very brief moment I had him and his family back in my life again (Though obviously not REALLY) but talking to his mom again, talking to HIM again....it just made me miss having that. Ehh gonna just take me a little while to work through this again I guess....just kinda scared with the holidays coming up that my loneliness will escalate... Thanks all for the kind words here very much appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabbledave Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 And my head KNOWS I don't need him ... Excellent! The next step is to believe what you know and then the longing will stop. Trust me. DD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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