ex-bf is now an ex-friend. advice.

[lifeisaparadox]

Hi!

So my LTR & LDR ended on mutual terms roughly 1.5-2 years ago. We dated for a little over 2 years. After it ended, we agreed to stay friends and that went pretty well. He got into a new relationship within these past 2 years (they ended up breaking up tho), I focused on school and work. All in all, we were kept busy during our friendship, had our own lives, but still talked to each other enough to stay close.

 

This past summer he came back to my city to visit his family and asked to meet up. We went to dinner, hung out at a park, caught up. He kissed me and I have to admit, I kissed him back. Things got a bit heated but I stopped him because at that time I was dating my now boyfriend. We weren't exclusively dating but I felt wrong because I'm the type of person who sticks to one person. Even then, it was my ex I was kissing. Someone I had chemistry with. I basically told him that it felt wrong and from there on out it was an awkward ride home.

 

In any case, just before the kiss, when we were casually talking at the park, he told me specifically that he cares for me a lot but wanted to stay friends. That's also why the kiss felt so wrong.. and confusing. But.. I don't know LOL it just confused me.

 

Anyway, now he seems to hate me. I don't know why, but I know he does. The way he talked to me before he left the city, the way he replies to my texts. He used to hug me goodbye every time he left the city, but he didn't this time. He doesn't want to speak to me and he made it clear. So I've been laying off, especially since I got into a new relationship.

 

The thing is, this ex made a huge impact in my life. I can assure you 100% that I have no romantic feelings for him anymore, but he was a great friend, and he helped me so much in life. Because of him, I'm following my dreams in what I want to do. My parents didn't support me, but he did, and he pushed me to my limits to get to where I am today.

 

Right now, I am studying abroad and I have him to thank for pushing me to reach beyond the stars. I've been giving souvenirs to people and.. well, I wanted to know if it'd be appropriate to give him something as well. The last time we talked was through text and he made it clear he didn't want to speak to me. But I thought it'd be a nice "thank you" gesture for helping me get to where I am now. Also, a little part of me does want to know why he doesn't wanna talk to me ever again. My friends told me to not bother asking and just move on with my new relationship, but he was a good friend for so long.

 

Should I give him a souvenir or just lay off completely? P.S. the souvenir I thought would be something I know he'd like and probably a letter explaining why I'm giving it to him.

 

Thanks!

[Hollyj]

Sounds like you're stringing him along for the attention- I saw my ex do this, too EGO. He has told you not to contact, but you are not respecting his request. I also think it is very disrespectful to your boyfriend to contact. Leave this alone.

[DN]

I agree you should maintain no contact.

[Josh8]

Friendships, just like romantic relationships, take work to maintain. It sounds like he's just not interested in being friends any longer, which is his prerogative. Maybe when you met up with him recently, he was just looking to get lucky one last time. So, it's a good testament to your character that you were able to resist on account of being involved with another person at the time. You mention that you weren't "exclusive" with your new boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that he didn't see it that way. Thus, you did a good thing by not letting it all get too out of hand. I think it's just time for you to find a new friend.

[lifeisaparadox]

@Hollyj,

if it makes it any clearer, he did not tell me to stop speaking to him, he just made it clear through his actions (one word replies, a short goodbye this time, etc). And I did respect that by not talking to him anymore, but had to speak to him once to clear things up (my bf's ex told my bf that I was sleeping with my ex, and my bf wanted to hear from my ex himself that none of it happened). This was months ago though and no we have not spoken at all, since.

 

In any case, I guess I'll just leave it alone and not get him anything.

 

@Josh8,

now that you mention, he might've wanted to get it in one last time haha. He really tried to talk me into it after I said it felt wrong. Who knows? anyway, thanks, I'll just leave it alone then since you're right, a friendship takes two to tango.