motley802 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Dear ENA community, Last night I was talking with a friend of mine and topic shifted to interracial dating. He was telling how racial preferences can influence dating/relationships even though we live in large liberal parts of the country. I'm curious to know what this august community thinks about racial preferences when it comes to dating. Do you have any particular preferences for races? I personally don't care about racial/ethnic background of the person as long as I get along with them. But my friend had preferences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I only date Caucasian men. I am Caucasian. I was in an "interracial relationship" and I don't want to do that again. I think I'm more sexually attracted to guys my race (especially when they get older) but I also only want to be with someone who is VERY similar to me in terms of culture. I'm not interested in being with someone who grew up in a different culture with different values. It's just not my cup of tea. If I want to explore other cultures (which I do) I do that through friends and travel. Not my SO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oceandream Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I would date any race, the person's personality and how they treat me is more important to me. But then again I am mixed race myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I don't see where being supportive of and interested in diversity means that you should choose to date someone of a different race. I think cultural diversity is very important and there are many ways to achieve it - friendship is one way but only one of several ways. I don't think having racial preferences in a romantic context has anything to do with whether the person supports cultural diversity. And, if someone does choose to date someone of a different race I wouldn't presume that that person supports cultural diversity -that person may simply be attracted to that other person. I agree with Fudgie that it's perfectly fine to choose to date within one's culture. It's not fine to do that for racist reasons of course but the reasons Fudgie wrote sound fine to me and probably make a lot of sense! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motley802 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I don't see where being supportive of and interested in diversity means that you should choose to date someone of a different race. I think cultural diversity is very important and there are many ways to achieve it - friendship is one way but only one of several ways. I don't think having racial preferences in a romantic context has anything to do with whether the person supports cultural diversity. And, if someone does choose to date someone of a different race I wouldn't presume that that person supports cultural diversity -that person may simply be attracted to that other person. I agree with Fudgie that it's perfectly fine to choose to date within one's culture. It's not fine to do that for racist reasons of course but the reasons Fudgie wrote sound fine to me and probably make a lot of sense! I'm not saying if you don't date people from other races makes you opponent of cultural diversity. I was just curious. Dating/relationships is very personal choice and I completely respect that On a casual note, this whole topic can become a PhD thesis research for any sociology grad student Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Thanks Batya. I sometimes get nervous saying that I will only date men of my own race because some people have said that it makes me "racist" or that I'm close-minded. But for me personally, I don't see relationships as way to get to be with different people and "oh let's have fun with different people and learning about different places/things/ideas." If something is going to work long term for me, then the person has to be similar to me in many ways. I will be friends with anyone of any race though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oceandream Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Hey Fudgie, everyone had different preferences so don't stress Just curious what if they were of a "different race" but had the same culture? Or is it more of an attraction thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I'm not saying if you don't date people from other races makes you opponent of cultural diversity. I was just curious. Dating/relationships is very personal choice and I completely respect that On a casual note, this whole topic can become a PhD thesis research for any sociology grad student I also made the different point that dating someone of a different race doesn't mean you are a proponent of cultural diversity (or of interracial dating,etc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Hey Fudgie, everyone had different preferences so don't stress Just curious what if they were of a "different race" but had the same culture? Or is it more of an attraction thing? I think it's both to me. I'm a very pastey white female and I'm just attracted to similar guys, pastey white. I'm not even into tanned white guys. Overall though, I think the difference in cultures is usually the biggest to me. Attraction is another factor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motley802 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I also made the different point that dating someone of a different race doesn't mean you are a proponent of cultural diversity (or of interracial dating,etc). That's a big statement. And I agree as well as disagree. If you want to get the person you are dating to your bed (and disappear) then may be. If you are genuinely interested in relationship then it can deduced that you support cultural diversity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le MX5 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I'm not "exclusive" to White and Asian girls (I'm Black), but I prefer Whites and Asians to Blacks and Hispanics. It really doesn't matter if she has a good head on her shoulders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
londonbridge Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I'm Asian and growing up I preferred Caucasian guys. I grew up mostly around Caucasians with very little exposure to other Asians. Though I had a preference for Caucasian guys initially, that changed as I grew older. I eventually became attracted to guys of various races. For me a guy's personality was an influential factor. Guys from other races seemed more fascinating while Caucasian guys began to just seem bland, boring and standard. Ultimately I'm open to dating any guy no matter their race as long as our personalities click and there is chemistry. I DO however prefer to date only Americans. I've dated European Caucasian guys before...and they're way too traditional for me, the French, the Italians, the Belgians...no thanks. Made in U.S.A. please. Other interracial stories to share; my younger sister prefers African American guys. My best girl friend will only date within our specific Asian race. We're a minority Asian ethnicity, and she is very firm and frank about only dating within our particular ethnicity. She's never been interested in other Asians such as Chinese or Koreans, let alone Caucasians or African Americans etc. Though she will date only within our specific ethnicity, that doesn't mean she doesn't admire other guys from another race, for example, she's a huge fan of a sexy Korean pop star and always talks about how she adores him(his smile and tone body). She, like every woman in America, also drools over Ryan Gosling. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I prefer the human race! Honestly could care less. I dated a Swedish girl (well out of my league...who breeds these women? Tall/Blue Eyes/Blond hair..every single one of them), English girl (Was awesome, could talk to her about anything), Asian girl (Very nice girl, too quiet though), Californian girl (yes they're their own race). I was equally attracted to all of them physically. Then again, if it's the right time of day I see a lamppost and get a little horny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badcat3 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I'm asian and have dated white, hispanic, and black men. There aren't many asian people in my community, otherwise I would open to dating them as well. My current SO (who I will likely marry) is white. At first I didn't know how his family would receive me (they are very conservative people from a small town) but they have no problems with interracial dating and love me for who I am. My family is very liberal so no problems there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I think it's interesting that you drew the line at race. If you put two people side by side... A russian and a brit... A chinese and a japanese... a christian and a jew... a muslim and a hindu... while they may look similar - I am going to say that they will have a tougher time finding commonalities, agreeing on traditions, etc than an "all-american" black person and an "all-american" white person. And then, even within a sub-group, a catholic is going to have a harder time with a protestant than a catholic and a catholic. What about a rich person and a poor person? Socio-economic standing can cause challenges as well... I think the "easiest" coupling is between two similar people. Actually, if you ask someone from a culture that practices arranged marriages, they will say this is THE indicator to look at. But... I mean... how would it be interesting if we all stuck to people exactly like us? Personally, for dating, I tend to be attracted to like-minded and like-cultered people. Not always exactly the same... but usually more the same than different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Loves me my white boys! Meh. I did the UN thing when I was very young. It seemed like the trendy, prove to the world you're open-minded thing to do. But, when it came down to serious pair bonding, it's always going to be a white boy for this white girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mesemene Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 For me, I'd say the intellectual attraction HAS to be there - and some chemistry - but I've never really considered race as a deciding factor in who I'd date. I've dated white and hispanic men, and been attracted to indian and asian, and black, so force of personality, and an intriguing mind, are tops for me, the rest is mostly packaging Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 RedDress, Religion and socioeconomic standing matters to me as well. I only date non-religious people (atheists). I don't consider those who are even of "moderate" beliefs because it means that we are just too different in core issues like religion and morals. I also only date people who strive for the same sort of lifestyle that I want, in terms of money and the like. My family is very well-off but I don't want that sort of lifestyle. I want to live a "middle class" lifestyle for myself and would only date someone who wants the same, not less, not more. It may not be as "interesting" as if I dated a black, catholic man with "expensive tastes" but you're right, it's going to fare a lot better. And I'd be a lot happier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shudder Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 interracial dating is the way of the future. for me as long as the girl looks nice and we have stuff to talk about, it doesnt matter what background she is. she could be from another galaxy for all i care - but then we'd have to deal with whether our anatomies are compatible. i Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I rather not disclose my race here, but I am marrying outside of my race. I strongly feel media depictions of particular races also have a lot to do with our cultural attitude. Very few women within my race would date or even marry an Asian male because of popular western media has depicted them being unattractive, asexual (not interested in women), and either martial art experts or nerds. I have not seen ANY recent movies or shows revealing Asian men with women outside of their race while black, white, and sometimes Latino men get girl of different racial backgrounds. While we were dating, few people even dared to ask me how "big" he was or how good he was in bed (insulting if you ask me) because it is another harmful stereotype Asian men have. I highly recommend people watch the movie, "Enter the Dragon: A Bruce Lee Story" to get an idea... especially the stereotypes Bruce Lee had to deal with when he came to live in America and the social barriers he broke through. Before I dated my fiance, I was only interested in being with men of my own race and cultural background. It was just cultural standard that I grew up with. My fiance grew on me when we became friends in college and sometimes we can't just pick our partners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna0511 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 If you put two people side by side... A russian and a brit... A chinese and a japanese... a christian and a jew... a muslim and a hindu... while they may look similar - I am going to say that they will have a tougher time finding commonalities, agreeing on traditions, etc than an "all-american" black person and an "all-american" white person. This is a really great point. I'm Asian Canadian, grew up in a French-speaking environment, and spent time in Europe, and the US. My SO is Asian, but of a different ethnicity, and lived his life mostly in Asia. Despite being of the same race, I feel like there were definitely more cultural differences between us than compared to some of the Canadian, American, and European guys I dated previously. Nothing that caused any rifts, and we still have the same fundamental value system. But at first it definitely felt out of my comfort zone and more "exotic" than dating people that were of different races but of the same culture. I love it though, even if it means having to learn a new language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna0511 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 My brother, who is Asian American, always jokes that it is his life's ambition to reverse these stereotypes and statistics by only dating Caucasian girls. Of course, he's just being silly, but he does find it frustrating being overlooked by girls who dismiss the idea of dating Asians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 My brother, who is Asian American, always jokes that it is his life's ambition to reverse these stereotypes and statistics by only dating Caucasian girls. Of course, he's just being silly, but he does find it frustrating being overlooked by girls who dismiss the idea of dating Asians. I have to agree the media does play down certain ethnic cultures in favor for other prominent cultures. Possibly emphasized more on males. I'm European/Asian and my partners have been of all sorts of different races. Maybe due to my cultural back-ground I have not qualms about preferring one over the other. Good example is the recent thread of a member dating someone who is Spanish and speaks little English, the chances of a female pursuing a male not speaking their language would most likely be considerably less. Although, lately I did see a couple of movies which made the Asian male seem more of a prominent figure. The Warriors way and Fast and the Furious 5 which depict them from a more slick/sexual stand point rather than the token glasses wearing, Asian coms tech with kick arse sword play/marital arts skills who dies off near the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marshmlofluff Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I only date Caucasian men. I am Caucasian. I was in an "interracial relationship" and I don't want to do that again. I think I'm more sexually attracted to guys my race (especially when they get older) but I also only want to be with someone who is VERY similar to me in terms of culture. I'm not interested in being with someone who grew up in a different culture with different values. It's just not my cup of tea. If I want to explore other cultures (which I do) I do that through friends and travel. Not my SO. Everyone is completely entitled to date, or to not date, whomever they want--and they don't need reasons. That said, I don't think it makes sense to assume that all non-Caucasian people have different values than you. (1) First off, some of us non-Caucasian folks living in the US are second-generation or higher. I have a friend who is fourth-generation Chinese-American. He doesn't speak Chinese, has never been to China, and is no different from the average "American," whatever "American" means. I don't think it's right to assume that skin color alone means that someone grew up in "a different culture with different values." For that matter, what if a non-white person was adopted into a white family? (2) Based on your posts, it isn't clear to me that you actually have a problem with someone who grew up in a different culture with different values. Your last (Caucasian) boyfriend was 30 years older than you, and for a long time, you were both very happy with that relationship and a vocal defender of age gap relationships. Yet the culture and values of 1970's America were rather different than the ones you grew up in--arguably, as different as another country's culture might be. (3) There is quite a bit of variability in values and culture within the white race, or any race. Jerry Falwell and Ralph Nader are both white. For that matter, so is a guy who just got off the plane from France, and is visiting the US for the first time. He's white, but he didn't grow up in the same culture as you. Again, if you only date white men, that's fine; you don't need to explain. If you want men with your values, that's fine too. But when you start to connect the two, and suggest that non-white people have different values than you--I don't think that makes sense. You may benefit from re-examining your assumptions. You say that you had an interracial relationship, which presumably was unhealthy and that you do not wish to repeat. But that relationship was unique to you and the guy you dated. I don't think you can extrapolate your experience with one man to draw conclusions about the values and upbringing of all non-white men, or the extent to which they differ from your own. I'm Indian-American and have dated accross the skin color spectrum. Certainly, culture provides a baseline. However, personal variability around that baseline is pretty high. It is my personal experience that someone's values are at least as much a function of the person as of his culture, and that in the end, the relationship is determined by the two human beings in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furtive Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Race...I don't know...I have blond hair and blue eyes and I think girls with auburn hair (shaded more towards brown than red) and a light tan are the sexiest creatures ever created. Big fan of freckles on them too if they're not overly pronounced. I've seen sexy girls of all races, but because of my location I'll end up with a Caucasian girl that looks like me, unless lightning strikes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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