6 months post-BU....

[diarmuidz]

Here I am, back again.

I promised myself I wouldn't come back until after I finish my licensing exam (which I was supposed to take yesterday)... but since my focus and studying have been so weak and insipid, I constantly doubt my readiness and have postponed it yet again (for the last time I hope). I will take it now first week in november, and fully intend to commit to solid review until then.

 

Yet I find myself back here again because I feel so overwhelmed with emotion. It's been exactly 6 months of BU, and NC for 4.5 months... yet my ex is constantly and persistently occupying my thoughts. I had felt/hoped that by now, 6 months apart, I would have made tremendous progress and experienced emotional growth.... instead I feel as horrible as I did the day we broke up. In fact, I probably feel even worse.

 

I experience so many negative emotions regarding my ex... mostly sadness and pining, but at times frustration, resentment, anger, helplessness, and perhaps even depression (although thankfully not at the DSM-IV level).

 

I try to meditate, and during it I remember it was my ex who first taught me how to do it, and my focus is broken.

I study in the library, and see student couples making out on the couches in the readers den, and feel like everyone is having the time of their lives except me.

Once in a while, I'll see someone who mildly resembles my ex, and I feel my chest tighten painfully.

And very often, while driving, I wonder if my ex has replaced me yet, and what the two of them are up to...

 

I've tried exercising, and while at first I was doing great (p90x) I had to stop because I needed more time to study, and so my weight has bounced back. So even if she did call me and wanted to meet up, I wouldn't want her to see me as the same person she left.

 

It's all so overwhelming, and I feel like I'm spiraling downward. I feel like I'm being pulled down underwater, and drowning. 6 months we've been apart. Half a year. Seems like a long enough time to get over someone..... well it feels even longer when that time is your own personal hell. Thinking about her today, I cried. I want to be over her so badly.... put it behind me and let it go... how much longer now till I don't care anymore?....

[lanaa]

wow,,does your ex contact you,did he or she try in any way during the 4 months? if yes then maybe that's the reason

[diarmuidz]

wow,,does your ex contact you,did he or she try in any way during the 4 months? if yes then maybe that's the reason

 

Hi Lanaa, I don't think I understood what you meant. "that's the reason" for what? Can you expand on that a little bit?

 

My ex has definitely not reached out to me since the BU... for the first month I tried to keep things normal between us, email and what-not, minus the relationship talk... but after one month we talked about our relationship again, and it seemed to me like she wasn't interested in fixing things between us.... so I went NC after that. And since I went NC, not a word from her.. which is disheartening.

[charity]

hey,

 

i'm sorry you are going through such a hard time? i think sometimes we focus on TIME a bit too much. just let your heart heal in its own time. if you loved her then why would 6 months be long enough to be over her? for me it took a year to stop feel the pain and accept it and it took me to years to lose hope and stop thinking about him. it probably won't be that long for you(we have kids) but 6 months is not long at all. you WILL be ok in time

 

was your relationship a healthy one or not? sometimes i find when we have guilt about our part in the break up it can keep us in pain for longer. or if there was another guy involved? that also can prolong the pain because our egos are so hurt.

[jolbell69]

I really feel for you diarmuidz!! I am sorry you have had to put off your exam again - that must be so disheartening. It's 4 months post-BU for me and my ex, and I have made so much progress, but still think of him every day and wish I could turn back time. I believe that your dedication to study has actually prevented you from moving on, because you aren't going out and meeting new people, nor are you finding time to enjoy yourself. Your whole life seems to be a constant chore right now, and I think if you can actually get the exam over and done with; you will be able to be more sociable, and therefore, you won't pine so much for your ex. Time will help - I promise!!

[hausser]

Yo diarmuidz, I am 6 months BU and almost 4 months NC, and I know how you feel. I was fine until literally a fortnight ago and some rather stressful situations, it's like i've gone back to day 0 tbh.

[sarahjsh]

hey!

i've been through a very bad break up recently and i didnt even have a chance talk to my ex in person. we didnt talk on the phone either! it was a 9 month relationship but felt like years and it ended in a very bad way.no cheating or lies just a stupid argument and it was ended. my ex has been acting like a monster since the break up. we broke up about 2 months ago and i thought it was the end of the world. having the worst BU of my life made me let it ruin everything in my life. i lost 6kg in 2 weeks, didnt sleep at all and harmed my physical and psychological health. what for???? it didnt take me long to realise that there was things to do to help myself. i cannot believe the change in me! im really positive at the moment and love my life to bits. i loved him dearly and even though he's been a proper pain since the BU, im not going to let it get me down anymore. im enjoying my single life and doing whatever i want now. i've done a big research to find out how people cope and why relationships end. reading a lot about male psychology too and everything is so clear now. not being able to talk to ur partner about why u break up is terrible. bcoz u never know the real reasons but i dont want to know anymore. i did fight for him as i thought we shouldnt have broken up but i find it so silly now. time made me realise where we made the mistakes. i now know that we both made silly mistakes and i can fix MYSELF for a better relationship with the right person. never thought i would be able to get over the break up but here i am. i accepted the break up and not having him in my life anymore. there is still a huge gap in my life but there are milions of things out there to fill the gap! 6 months isnt a long time to get over a loved one but its a long time if it's still affecting ur life badly. i still think about him every day and sometimes every minute but i know i will stop soon. you will get over her too when u want to! she is ur ex for a reason. why should we wait for one specific person to come back to us? do you know what i learnt from my experience, he wouldnt have let me go in the first place if he didnt want to. time helps a lot but you can make it happen quicker. get ur confidence back and keep busy. i promise things will get much better soon. believe in yourself.

 

"Just things can't be the same, it doesn't mean it can't be better.'

 

take good care of yourself...