diarmuidz Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Here I am, back again. I promised myself I wouldn't come back until after I finish my licensing exam (which I was supposed to take yesterday)... but since my focus and studying have been so weak and insipid, I constantly doubt my readiness and have postponed it yet again (for the last time I hope). I will take it now first week in november, and fully intend to commit to solid review until then. Yet I find myself back here again because I feel so overwhelmed with emotion. It's been exactly 6 months of BU, and NC for 4.5 months... yet my ex is constantly and persistently occupying my thoughts. I had felt/hoped that by now, 6 months apart, I would have made tremendous progress and experienced emotional growth.... instead I feel as horrible as I did the day we broke up. In fact, I probably feel even worse. I experience so many negative emotions regarding my ex... mostly sadness and pining, but at times frustration, resentment, anger, helplessness, and perhaps even depression (although thankfully not at the DSM-IV level). I try to meditate, and during it I remember it was my ex who first taught me how to do it, and my focus is broken. I study in the library, and see student couples making out on the couches in the readers den, and feel like everyone is having the time of their lives except me. Once in a while, I'll see someone who mildly resembles my ex, and I feel my chest tighten painfully. And very often, while driving, I wonder if my ex has replaced me yet, and what the two of them are up to... I've tried exercising, and while at first I was doing great (p90x) I had to stop because I needed more time to study, and so my weight has bounced back. So even if she did call me and wanted to meet up, I wouldn't want her to see me as the same person she left. It's all so overwhelming, and I feel like I'm spiraling downward. I feel like I'm being pulled down underwater, and drowning. 6 months we've been apart. Half a year. Seems like a long enough time to get over someone..... well it feels even longer when that time is your own personal hell. Thinking about her today, I cried. I want to be over her so badly.... put it behind me and let it go... how much longer now till I don't care anymore?.... Link to comment
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