I feel that he will dump me soon. Am I too paranoid? :o

[PrettyGood]

BEFORE:

 

His ex was dumped because of me. So now we have LDR and we're a couple not that long ago. In the beginning emotions just burned for both of us. We had tons of s.x and spent our time greatly. In the beginning we corresponded a lot, but he never put any effort to make a live video/audio chat with me. So winter holiday was coming and he bought me plane tickets to spend 2 winter weeks with him. He told about me (his new gf) to his parents and asked if he can present me to them when I come. I agreed. I thought it was very nice. Actually 3 days ago were so extremely happy about this idea!

 

AFTER:

 

Then he added his dumped ex to his friendlist on the social website. I asked him why and what's happening. He said "No worries, everything is just fine between us" (me and him) but he said that she tried to commit suicide. Also told me that a day ago he was drinking with her at his house, trying to sort it our why they broke up and he told her that he will NEVER EVER be with her again, cause she's making only problems to him. In those days he didn't reply me to any of my letters or sms. Finally I saw 2 days of NC from him. So I wrote yesterday "Is everything alright?" and he replied "Yes! ". For 1 week all of his answers length was from 1 word to 1 sentence (not longer). After he dumped his ex, she was contacting me all the time and threatened, but now she doesn't contact me at all and I'm suspicious for that. He says that he fixed everything for us and that everything is just fine now.

 

MY INNER WORRIES:

 

I didn't want to make any conclusions so I decided to do NC thing. I began to feel that they're definitely doing something behind my back, but I don't want to look that 'crazy paranoid gf'. My biggest worry is that now he probably has 2 girls (me and his ex) in his life and everyday I awake, I'm afraid to open my email and find some "good-bye" letter. I decided to do NC until my flight day comes. If he doesn't write me anything until that day - I will dump him and not go anywhere. I know we talked about this guy a lot of times and you said he doesn't worth a dime, but somehow I just don't know if I'm too paranoid and he just feel that he shouldn't worry about me at all or do we really have serious issues?

[Batya33]

I think it's inappropriate to be alone with an ex who is in that emotional state plus be drinking - that's playing with fire and could be very harmful to a person who is depressed (if that is true). Obviously that's not the right way to have a discussion with someone and I find it strange that he needed to figure out why they broke up when they broke up months ago. If he used to be in contact regularly and now is not then yes I believe something has changed. He might not be with the ex but he's not behaving like someone in a committed relationship (meaning the combination of getting drunk, alone with his ex and then not being in contact with you).

 

I also think that relationships that start out with "tons of sex" right away can last a lifetime but typically have a higher risk of ending quickly especially if things are long distance and the sex isn't happening as often.

[HeartGoesOn]

It sounds like you're seeing this in a new light, and at the point where you're ready to connect the dots. In many cases, history does tend to repeat itself.

 

I would look at this as a step in the right direction.

[PrettyGood]

I would look at this as a step in the right direction.

 

What do you mean? Well it's NC day 2. He hadn't written me anything like he did all those days before. It just strenghtens my insecurities and thoughts that they're back with their ex and my paranoid thoughts say that maybe she spends all her days and nights at his house (where they tend to live together before break-up). And they're just thoughts, but they're so scary that I'm shivering from the fact that I don't understand what's going on?! It drives me totally crazy. I try to drink anti-depressants and NOT keep myself away from any temptation to contact him. It's so hard! But I know I will loose (at least I want to find out if I can do it for 1 week) this goal if I contact him. It would show that I care and any of his replies wouldn't show that HE cares.

 

So time is passing by and I'm trying to deal with a possible thought of upcoming dump (more scary if there would be NO dump at all, just vanish out of the blue). And the only idea I'm repeating to myself is: "It's only day 2! Calm down! Maybe he's really busy!" and after that I still feel desperately stupid

[giubilante]

It's either one of two things.

 

1) He has gotten back with his ex and is stringing you along. For: He has had very poor communication and has been spending time with his ex. Against: He's introducing you to his parents and actually told you that he was with his ex.

 

2) He is concerned for his ex. For: She just tried to commit suicide. It is possible that one of the things she was upset about was their failed relationship. If that was the case and it came up in conversation, it makes sense that they talk about it. He is understandably probably quite overwhelmed and upset. This would likely lead to fewer messages to you. Against: She is his ex and he wasn't in good contact with you while he was communicating with her.

 

At some point, you should either ask, ferret out the truth for yourself, or decide to trust him. And once you've made that decision, unless new information comes along, just decide to believe in/abide by your decision.

[PrettyGood]

Thank you for your honest explanations and advises. Well she tried to contact me several times yesterday with those horrible letters, so I blocked her and sent him their copies. He thought that I provoked her, so I sent him full screenshots of those e-mails again that i wasn't corresponding with her. Finally he said that it was outrageous. In her letter she mentioned that they live together (while I'm far away), also having sex, talk about their unsuccessful relationships and that he lets her to read ALL our internet conversations daily. I was shocked, because there were mentioned a LOT of PRIVATE stuff. It was my private life! I was so angry with him that I asked him why he gives her to read all of OUR stuff we talk or plan to do? (sex, meetings, my clothing, even OUR future). He replied in one sentence: "Well she just keeps reading, but don't worry about that". What?! I became furious. He stepped on my boundaries and I just replied "That's it. Stay with her and keep everything to yourself. I'm not going to write you anything anymore". So he didn't replied me anything, but opened a new group on FB for singles (!). I thought again "Go to hell with all your drama." I just felt that my worth and values equals to empty ZERO for him. And now I'm going to keep a LOOONG NC.