goodkarma_1 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 So I've been seeing this guy whom Im really into. We went out on dinner dates, coffee, etc for about a month now. Conversation always flowed and we have great chemistry overall. We kept it balanced with work /staying busy and hanging out together, which was cool because I didn't want to rush anything. Everything seemed to going right....BUT this past weekend I screwed up in a major way I'm not quick to sleep with anyone, especially someone I that may be a potential! I was just so in the moment and into him that I let go and did the deeds and now I'm so ashamed and regretting it. The day after he came over and we went for lunch, nothing was awkard or anything - we didnt discuss it, we proceeded as a normal. I invited him to watch a movie last night (kept it very casual) and he said he was busy. I don't know, I just have this feeling that he is pulling away now. I can feel it. I decided Im not going to contact him until he does and if he does how can I redeem myself or did I pretty much screw up... Link to comment
Rosee Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 If he likes you enough it won't make any difference. If he doesn't you just have to chalk it up to experience and at least you got some (hopefully good) sex out of it! I think it's positive that you connected the next day, he might just want some space, so give it to him and see what happens. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I agree with Rosee. Not all guys are the same and not all ladies are the same. I think that's why sometimes we act like that to someone during a date, but we might not have been like that with another date.... Also women tend to follow their instincts and their emotions so when sparks are flying, it's hard for us to kill off the fireworks but that can easily lead to the bedroom (which i think is fine if you know you'll be okay with the decision later and not regretting it.) Don't dismiss him so quickly... He probably just needs some space after being with you so much. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I think you need to relax. One time isn't enough to show a trend. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I don't think you screwed anything up... if he likes you enough and is looking for a GF, then he will keep coming back and dating you. The problem will be if his 'niceness' was an act to bed you, then he expects to just 'hang out' like nothing happened or not really date you. If his behavior changes and it looks like he's only interested in a FWB situation, then I'd tell him you don't enjoy sleeping with people except in the context of a monogamous dating relationship, and if he doens't want that, then break up with him. Link to comment
offplanet Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 It might not have been a good 'decision' to sleep with him at that stage. You will only find that out when you know if he's coming back or not. But try not to feel too bad, although I know its hard not to in that situation (if he in fact does not come back). Definitely don't initiate contact. But don't feel ashamed. After all, you didnt kill or rob anyone. You were simply warm and spontaneous and went along with the moment. That's perfectly understandable. Just don't do it again! Link to comment
Dubb Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Sounds like you guys had sex at about the right time.. IF he bails on you he would of probably bailed no matter when he got sex.. he either likes you or he doesn't/ Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 If he likes you enough it won't make any difference. If he doesn't you just have to chalk it up to experience and at least you got some (hopefully good) sex out of it! I think it's positive that you connected the next day, he might just want some space, so give it to him and see what happens. Ha, no it wasnt even that great! which makes me feel even worse Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I don't think you screwed anything up... if he likes you enough and is looking for a GF, then he will keep coming back and dating you. The problem will be if his 'niceness' was an act to bed you, then he expects to just 'hang out' like nothing happened or not really date you. If his behavior changes and it looks like he's only interested in a FWB situation, then I'd tell him you don't enjoy sleeping with people except in the context of a monogamous dating relationship, and if he doens't want that, then break up with him. Yea, i agree. If he really wanted to know me then he will be back. I can play it cool- i wont contact. I know I gave him the wrong impression though. He was all about my time before this happened He hasnt contacted since me asking him to hang out. Im pretty much not expecting him to contact or at least for awhile - and when he does I think Im going to decline and say next time or something like that. Not sure really how to handle the situation. I dont want to look eager/desperate but at the same time I would like to see if how he acts again. Gonna try not to think about it and go about as I did prior to meeting him. All i can do at this point. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 You did fine hun. Like sex after a month was a decent amount of time... I was expecting like after 2 or 3 dates. That would be too soon in that case. If the guy's only after sex, he'll still bail even if you waited longer. You just picked a loser. Brush that loser dust off your shoulders and hold your head up and find yourself a REAL man haha. Don't worry, they will turn up. Just takes some luck. Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 You did fine hun. Like sex after a month was a decent amount of time... I was expecting like after 2 or 3 dates. That would be too soon in that case. If the guy's only after sex, he'll still bail even if you waited longer. You just picked a loser. Brush that loser dust off your shoulders and hold your head up and find yourself a REAL man haha. Don't worry, they will turn up. Just takes some luck. Thanks Lollipops, Ive been bummed this past wk and been thinking. Since that day something mustve turned him off and I cant help but feel it was me. Was I too easy, not sexy enough, lost the challenge, lost interest? Although its very new and I dont know him, its unlike him to disappear like this. He came back from Hawaii a week ago, exhausted yet still wanted to see me the same day - had a small gift for me even. Idk, im sick of trying to read these guys and what they want and what their intentions are. I love your signature btw.. Link to comment
Lovelace Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 They say that girls only think clearly before sex, and boys only think clearly after sex. If he likes you, he'll keep coming around. If he was just trying to get you into bed, he'll disappear. So either you've got yourself a potential boyfriend, or you've lost someone who is a jerk. Win-win. Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 They say that girls only think clearly before sex, and boys only think clearly after sex. If he likes you, he'll keep coming around. If he was just trying to get you into bed, he'll disappear. So either you've got yourself a potential boyfriend, or you've lost someone who is a jerk. Win-win. Wow your are right one point lovelace. Yes girls do think clearly before sex! Yes, Im thinking the same win-win. I filtered out a jerk cuase I know hes not gonna contact again. Ughh another point for his books. I mustve been on a whole other planet because I felt like there was some potential there between us how could i read so wrong. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 You didn't read it wrong, just on too little information. Sorry and hope you meet someone soon who is good for you! Link to comment
raton44 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I met this guy thru a friend years ago...we all went out to a club, drank way too much, and I ended up sleeping with the guy. I looked at it as a fun, crazy thing..not expecting ANYTHING in return...well i ended up marrying the guy a year later and we were married for 6 years. If a guy is tuly into you, isn't playing games, etc., he'll contact you again. Even if you had sex with him too soon! hahaha (I don't condone my behavior by the way. lol) Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 I met this guy thru a friend years ago...we all went out to a club, drank way too much, and I ended up sleeping with the guy. I looked at it as a fun, crazy thing..not expecting ANYTHING in return...well i ended up marrying the guy a year later and we were married for 6 years. If a guy is tuly into you, isn't playing games, etc., he'll contact you again. Even if you had sex with him too soon! hahaha (I don't condone my behavior by the way. lol) omg, wow thats awesome! Its always when u least expect it i swear. Your absolutely right. If he wants me, he will make it happen. Actually he did comtact me today apologizing that he has been busy lately and invited me to meet up for drinks at lunch. I would've but i nicely declined. I hope this wasnt a bad move! I invited him last week and he said he was busy and disappeared until today so I didnt want him to think I would jump every time he invites. Im not sure what Im going to do now...wait it out and see if he invites again or ask him to hang out..ugh these stupid games Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Why did you decline? Why didn't you just go and see how it went? Yes it might seem that things are on his terms, but you like him and if you want to see how this is going to pan out, you should have gone for drinks, and made a decision when you got home if you'd like to continue seeing him or not. Now your just going to sit there waiting, and waiting and contemplating whether to call him, when you have the perfect opportunity to go out for drinks. Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Why did you decline? Why didn't you just go and see how it went? Yes it might seem that things are on his terms, but you like him and if you want to see how this is going to pan out, you should have gone for drinks, and made a decision when you got home if you'd like to continue seeing him or not. Now your just going to sit there waiting, and waiting and contemplating whether to call him, when you have the perfect opportunity to go out for drinks. Yea cuase it seems like on his terms. I thought about it and I will ask him tomorrow or the following day if he wants to do something. good idea? Or does he think that Im playing games now - he declined, now I declined.. or does it matter, do guys over analyze like us women Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Yes. And if he gives you the run-around tomorrow, I'd consider calling the whole thing off. Because it's just not coming together. Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 ugh afraid of that. thanks for the advice. Why can't things just flow. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 omg, wow thats awesome! Its always when u least expect it i swear. Your absolutely right. If he wants me, he will make it happen. Actually he did comtact me today apologizing that he has been busy lately and invited me to meet up for drinks at lunch. I would've but i nicely declined. I hope this wasnt a bad move! I invited him last week and he said he was busy and disappeared until today so I didnt want him to think I would jump every time he invites. Im not sure what Im going to do now...wait it out and see if he invites again or ask him to hang out..ugh these stupid games I think you should call him and reschedule. I wouldn't accept a last minute date for a weekend night but drinks/lunch? Sounds fine. I would call him within the next day. Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 update: I text him earlier this week to reschedule and he agreed lets meet on Thursday (last night). I hadnt heard from him all day yesterday and was hesitant to even ask if we were still meeting...I just feel Im always following up now! its bs. Anyhoo, I sucked it and contacted and asked if we were still on - he said yes and sorry for not contacting blah blah. I was working late (he knew this) so when I was about to get ready he says hes "tired from a hike but if I wanted to go then lets". ummmm not exactly the kind of enthusiasm I was expecting. Basically it was Im tired and hoping youd say nevermind - which I did. Idk, hes obvi NOT interested anymore, I can read between the lines clearly! I just want to be a smart ass and tell him straight up but I dont want to look like a pyshco girl. If he does initiate again (although I'm not going thats for sure!) I mean is this normal in the first stages of dating? I know people are busy but come on. I was tired from a 10 hr work day and still was planning on making time for him. Link to comment
Dubb Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Yeah, his interest is lacking.. Only thing you can do now is just pull back a bit and see what he does. Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Yeah, his interest is lacking.. Only thing you can do now is just pull back a bit and see what he does. Thanks Dubb, I figured that. I dont know what Im doing wrong or maybe its the men I chose - but after a few weeks they lose interest. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Yea he sounds like a douche. Sorry for my frankness. This is what I think. He like the chase. He got what he wanted. Now he is hoping you like what he gave you. You are not giving him that gratification by going all nutso so now he is thinking maybe he might want to test the water again. That's what I am getting... But i just can't help but ask you this.... Before you guys had sex, did you emphasize to him that if you guys did have sex, you expected commitment or something??? Link to comment
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