flyerfan6656 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 if you and your ex has started talking again....is NIC the way to go, or is it ok to initiate contact first from time to time? Link to comment
jeepman41 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 if you and your ex has started talking again....is NIC the way to go, or is it ok to initiate contact first from time to time? If you've been broken up for sometime the line between dumpee and dumper becomes blurred. You may be both be waiting for the other person to make a move. If you are hoping for friendship or a reconciliation then someone has to break the ice or nothing is going to happen. Sometimes people allow pride to stand in the way especially if the breakup ended badly. Link to comment
vel2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 NIC is Not Initiating Contact... you reply when the ex gets in touch but you don't ever initiate contact yourself! I kind of followed this approach for the last 3 mths since my ex gf broke up with me. Still haven't intiated contact once. She has various times (to see how I am, swap stuff, suggest a lunch meet, ask for advice on things, tell me she misses me and cares so much etc etc - I've always replied in a nonchalant manner but means nothing if they don't say they want you back and you're still madly in love with them after 2.5 years together). Then she called me earlier in the week asking me to go to some charity event at a bar near my place - I accepted for some reason! Was actually fun and we both got quite drunk and had a good time, and suprisingly it hasn't really set me back in my healing (probably because it seemed apparent she is single and also dealing with the BU still herself, although I still fancy her more than any girl I've ever seen in my life!) Managed to keep cool and pull myself away without seeming like I still miss her loads. Then she intiates contact again yesterday - fb message saying it was ''good to see me and saying sorry for everything and sorry for ending things so suddenly - she never meant to hurt me and hopes I'm happy and enjoying life''. Not sure if I should reply to that!? Would love to believe it's a message full of regret, but more likely guilt!! Any thoughts - worth a reply? Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hey there, I'm in a similar situation, 7 weeks since BU and we've met up a few times - I've left it up to him to contact me each time and yeah, I keep getting the "I'm sorry for all the hurt" type stuff from him too. The last message I got from him was on Sunday, the day after we last me up and it was exactly the same as yours almost! I didn't reply to it. I'm not adverse to being the first one to contact him in the future, but things are still quite raw and it's easier to pick myself up and move on when I'm not in touch with him. Last week the communication between us dragged on for 6 days, which was tiring. Link to comment
carrie8484 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 im over 4 months post BU and cannot stress how important it is to not initiate contact. 9/10 times my ex is the one to initiate which makes me feel bad enough as it is (I still miss him, want him back, but he is totally over it) so when he contacts me the feelings are a strange mixture of doom, relief, dread and exctiement...weird huh? But whenever I have initiated contact I feel 10x worse! Mainly because the response I usually get is very nonchalant, distant, cold...or sometimes I have had no response at all. I find when he contacts me, he is always asking a question, prodding for a reply, but when I have ever contacted him first, which is very rare, I dont get anything worth replying to from him. It's a power thing, you hold the power when you are in NIC, but IMHO unless there is a recon on the cards then do not reply to anything - I have been going around in circles with NC/NIC with my ex and he has never told me anything which would suggest he wants to recon and now I am tired of it all. Live your life, they dont deserve to be in it if they threw you and you're amazingness away Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 All depends on the situation and the reactions from contact. Its a slippery thing, almost a game. If you feel comfortable contacting her, and the contact doesnt seem to have a negative effect, then whats the issue? Dont make it the game it almost is. Link to comment
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