hausser Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 It's been 4 months now ladies and gents, well almost give or take a week. Blocked on FB, changed number. No contact through anyone. Apparently her GIGS ended badly. TBH I miss her as a friend, don't want to seem like an enemy anymore. Due to me being the "aggressor" in blocking and deleting, I am almost certain she will think I am hostile, she used to think like that. When in reality, I am not hostile anymore. I would find it tough to know she has a new bf to be honest though I don't believe she has. Link to comment
Mellie Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I know it's annoying when people answer a question with a question, but enough for what? Link to comment
raton44 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Are you wanting recon or genuinely just friends? If recon...and she was seeing someone else..when did that end? It's been 4 months now ladies and gents, well almost give or take a week. Blocked on FB, changed number. No contact through anyone. Apparently her GIGS ended badly. TBH I miss her as a friend, don't want to seem like an enemy anymore. Link to comment
hausser Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 TBH I don't really know! I wouldn't rule a recon out, but I wouldn't be devastated if she wasn't interested, mellie fair point I suppose just the chance to catch up or not feel uncomfortable if we pass each other on a night out as like happened about 6 weeks ago. She was my best friend, and tbh I am pretty sure she would be wondering what the hell I was doing now. raton, I am not 100% sure, although at least 8 weeks. She was pretty infatuated with the guy thats for sure, it was an old ex of hers. He told anyone who would listen he wasnt interested in anything serious with her, and apparently she learnt the hard way as they are definaltey not together now. She essenatially left me for him, although in all fairness, I did give her major reason and did not fight for her at all as at the time I wanted out too. I suppose the questions should be, "Assuming I can give or take reconcilliation, how long is long enough NC." If she is not in another relationship, I am pretty sure she would be wondering about me. Again, this is all speculation, if she is in another relationship, then I would still like to be able to chat once in a while I am just concenred if I unblock her and don get a response, it will just p me off and set me back? Let me ask another question, assuming the GIGS ended as badly as I think it did, (bitter enough for them to not be FB friends anymore) would she and could she have completely moved on from me now? Or would the bad experience of essentially my repleacement have got her wondering about me again? Has anyone here ever gone into a GIGS, had it end, then been moved on enough from the original partner? We loved each other for sure, we just needed a break. Link to comment
hausser Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 BTW mellie nice to hear from you, I have net access again now so will catch up later. Link to comment
Mellie Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Cool Well, you know - do what feels right for you but keep your expectations realistic (which they sound). My ex was out of touch with me for a couple of months (at my request). Then he checked in on his Birthday (odd). This is how the conversation went: "How are you?". "Happy birthday. I'm fine, how are you? By the way, could you send me some photos [we were both into photography and in a fit of pique I deleted all of mine after the breakup. And it was a lot (I'm such a * * * * wit sometimes)]. "Sure... File 1... File 2... File 3..." "File 27... File 28..." "File 36... File 37..." Had about a week of it, said ta very much and haven't heard a word since. After the first email, there was no chit chat at all. I suspect there was more going on with my breakup than I knew. It was like talking to a robot. He's more machine now than man, lol Nah, seriously - it was classic dumper behaviour. Checking in for a response, getting one and then running away again. But I'm cool. No desire to push it but if he emails now I can deal with it with a level head. It's not holding me back any. I'm perplexed by him but not much more. But friends? You couldn't call it that in my case. If you've disengaged to a degree where you can deal with it, then fair dues. But there wasn't anyone else involved in our breakup (that I'm aware of). And the fact that that went up the spout doesn't necessarily mean she'll come back - but you know that already. Link to comment
hausser Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Thanks mellie, it's mad how "the dumpers" exhibit the same behaviour patterns in the throes of the BU. Mine was like that too. Don't think i'll do anything just yet tbh, learnt that from here, hold your horses is almost always best in these situations, amazing how we live in a tiny insular town and I haven't seen a peep of her in almost 4 months, also I CANNOT believe it's been 6 months since the BU, scarrrryyyy how fast time has gone really is. Link to comment
Mellie Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Yep. Then you'll bump into her 3 times in a week. It's weird how it works out like that. Link to comment
hausser Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Nice to be back here though! Some good memories here lol. Link to comment
Mellie Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Good to see you back hausser. Well, you know, as good as it can be, under the circumstances I think for... what... the first month everyone comes here looking for answers to there own predicament - in the first couple of weeks, a fail proof plan maybe. Then as time goes on, it all lessens a lot. I'm not here looking for answers anymore. I'm just too damned nosy now, reading about other people Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Good to see you back hausser. Well, you know, as good as it can be, under the circumstances I think for... what... the first month everyone comes here looking for answers to there own predicament - in the first couple of weeks, a fail proof plan maybe. Then as time goes on, it all lessens a lot. I'm not here looking for answers anymore. I'm just too damned nosy now, reading about other people I feel the same. For the whole of 2010, i was pretty much living in hell with my emotions, wondering whether my ex felt the same. Fast forward to today, the answers are crystal clear... She doesn't. The best thing is, i feel so indifferent and emotionless now over the whole thing that even if my ex did come back, chances are, i would probably be too busy getting on with my life to even care. So to answer your question Hauser - There's no such thing as 'enough'. You go on for 'as long as it takes'. Not until they come back, but until you're completely healed and over the situation. As far as you should be concerned now, this is no longer about them, but about you. That's the mindset dumpers have as well, even when they come back. It's all because they want to be happy. Not because they care about your feelings - Your feelings are irrelevant. The only person that will ever care about your feelings 100% is you and your immediate family. Anyone outside of that you should always place second over your personal happiness. It seems harsh i know, but it's the reason i got burned so much in the past, for putting others first before me. You're the most important person in the relationship. Everything else is blind faith. Maverick Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hugs Hausser, Well, it depends on the individual and the specific relationship I think. For a lot of people - around 6 months I'd say. For others, 12 and for others still - maybe never. I'm not sure how many months it was for me, but I'm sure it was more than 4. I still did have thoughts where I would not have ruled out a recon. When I did see him, I chose not to see him again for a while. I told him another 6 weeks, but it has now been maybe 12. TBH, I don't want to see him again, and don't care if I never do. I too thought he was my best friend, but my thoughts on that have changed a lot. Not seeing him or being in contact with him has enabled me to move on and I've gotten together with someone else now although it's still early days - someone I have known for quite some time who I had a friendship with. I don't ever want to be with the ex again and never will. Good luck. Link to comment
NCforME Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Don't bother making contact. 4 months probably isn't enough anyways. I look back on my path and I see so much wasted energy. Let them expend a little energy on you. You deserve it. Link to comment
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