hodgeheg Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 My boyfriend of almost 4 years left me two weeks ago and since then I’ve been reading this forum and finding great comfort in knowing that there are others out there who feel just like me. I only joined today because now I feel ready to share my story so far and maybe it will help someone going through something similar. So, we spent the summer apart (because I went home from university and we both were busy working) and when I came back here I sensed something was wrong. He told me he wasn’t sure how he felt anymore and that he would like more space. He messed me around, sometimes ignoring me and other times pretending nothing was wrong, for 3 weeks, until I made him come round and tell me the truth. His exact words were: “I don’t think this is going to work.” I also got the “I love you as a person but I’m not in love with you.” And, “We should just be friends.” (which I obviously said wouldn’t be possible right now, cos I am not a complete idiot.) I told him that I couldn’t imagine my life without him and that I didn’t want to live without him in my life. (Not meaning I was suicidal! Just that he was an important part of my life) And he replied that it was my fault we wouldn’t be in each other’s lives because I wasn’t willing/able to be his friend. (This makes me so angry!) His parting words were: “Text me when you want to. I’m always here for you.” I did cuddle him and thanked him for the time we’d spent together, which for the most part has been very happy. I feel like we drifted apart and he decided that it would be easier to walk away. At first I thought it was because I hadn’t been good enough, because I wasn’t worthy of him, because I hadn’t done enough. But now, 2 weeks later, I can say that I gave our relationship 100% of my effort and he walked away because he wanted to, because he couldn’t be bothered (he is quite lazy in that respect), because he was too selfish and immature to see what was right in front of him. I think (although I don’t know because I didn’t really get an explanation) that this happened because over the summer I put myself first. During our relationship I put him first, initially because I was madly in love and later on because I am naturally an incredibly giving person and I put other’s happiness above my own. I guess that I just grew up and realised my self-worth, so I started not doing what he wanted. I don’t mean that he controlled me, just that I used to let him be in control (especially of my emotions) and that when I stopped he didn’t like it. I don’t know if I’ve explained that well enough so if anyone has any questions I’ll happily answer them. Day 14 of no contact, it has been hard but I’m going to keep living! I do have a small question though that I was hoping you might have some theories on. He said “text me when you want to…” and I don’t really understand why he said that, any ideas? Thank you for taking the time to read this. Link to comment
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