My story 2 weeks on, thoughts and questions welcomed!

[hodgeheg]

My boyfriend of almost 4 years left me two weeks ago and since then I’ve been reading this forum and finding great comfort in knowing that there are others out there who feel just like me. I only joined today because now I feel ready to share my story so far and maybe it will help someone going through something similar.

 

So, we spent the summer apart (because I went home from university and we both were busy working) and when I came back here I sensed something was wrong. He told me he wasn’t sure how he felt anymore and that he would like more space. He messed me around, sometimes ignoring me and other times pretending nothing was wrong, for 3 weeks, until I made him come round and tell me the truth. His exact words were: “I don’t think this is going to work.” I also got the “I love you as a person but I’m not in love with you.” And, “We should just be friends.” (which I obviously said wouldn’t be possible right now, cos I am not a complete idiot.) I told him that I couldn’t imagine my life without him and that I didn’t want to live without him in my life. (Not meaning I was suicidal! Just that he was an important part of my life) And he replied that it was my fault we wouldn’t be in each other’s lives because I wasn’t willing/able to be his friend. (This makes me so angry!)

 

His parting words were: “Text me when you want to. I’m always here for you.” I did cuddle him and thanked him for the time we’d spent together, which for the most part has been very happy. I feel like we drifted apart and he decided that it would be easier to walk away. At first I thought it was because I hadn’t been good enough, because I wasn’t worthy of him, because I hadn’t done enough. But now, 2 weeks later, I can say that I gave our relationship 100% of my effort and he walked away because he wanted to, because he couldn’t be bothered (he is quite lazy in that respect), because he was too selfish and immature to see what was right in front of him.

 

I think (although I don’t know because I didn’t really get an explanation) that this happened because over the summer I put myself first. During our relationship I put him first, initially because I was madly in love and later on because I am naturally an incredibly giving person and I put other’s happiness above my own. I guess that I just grew up and realised my self-worth, so I started not doing what he wanted. I don’t mean that he controlled me, just that I used to let him be in control (especially of my emotions) and that when I stopped he didn’t like it.

 

I don’t know if I’ve explained that well enough so if anyone has any questions I’ll happily answer them.

 

Day 14 of no contact, it has been hard but I’m going to keep living! I do have a small question though that I was hoping you might have some theories on. He said “text me when you want to…” and I don’t really understand why he said that, any ideas?

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[Day88]

Hey sorry you've had to go through this but the great thing about this site is we have all been in same boat. I'm 2 months down the line, but I have to say our stories are pretty similar. 4 yr relationship and we just grew apart, guess we were together to young.

 

To be fair to you, you seem to have a good outlook on this which is great.

 

The whole 'text me when you want to' could be one of two things either it's him making himself feel not guilty by offering to be 'there' for you. Or he is trying to keep the door open for casual hookups.

 

Keep up the positive attitude, wish I had that after two weeks

[hodgeheg]

Yeah it is great to be here! Friends and family have been through it too, just not recently so they maybe don't understand quite as well as people here. Definitely together too young in my case, I always thought we'd be the exception and not grow apart but I guess we did.

 

I give my all to everything I do, so if I'm going to heal from this then I am gonna make sure it's the best healing I could ever have! (Maybe a little overambitious but I can't help it.) And I did have those 3 in between weeks of crying/not eating/staying in bed. I still have serious down moments but I will be strong because I want to help myself.

 

I have no idea what "text me when you want" meant. I think if he actually meant what he said then he would've turned his phone of by now, because I want to text him all the time!

[Day88]

As you probably found out from looking around on here the best way to go is no contact. If you truly want to move on you need to cut him off completely.

 

Like I said earlier though you have a great outlook on this situation so I'm sure you'll be fine just give it some time.

[hodgeheg]

I had a major down today, as you'll see in my other thread

 

Plus I've come home to my parents for the first time since we broke up and so I've had to do the purge the house of things connected to him all over again. It's harder here because my house at university was new and so he'd not spent anytime there (except to break up with me!) but lots of things in this house are connected to him! I'm just telling myself that this is my home and I'm glad that I'm getting through this step because I would hate to feel scared of coming home to my family because of him. Hopefully a more positive end to the day.