NC when there's kids involved...

[heartache1]

Hey there,

 

My 10 year relationship came to an end nearly 3 weeks ago. Man, it's been so hard. He told me on Thursday he didn't love me, he moved out Saturday and was on a date on Sunday....though he swears he only met her the Saturday night. Since then, he's been on more dates, deleted all my pics from FB and added loads of young girls, he's out constantly and hardly ever calls his kids. He's changed completely and it has thrown me into a state of turmoil. I am about to start my third week of being signed off from work, I have anti depressants that aren't working and I have lost a stone and still can't eat properly.

 

Initially, (before I joined this forum) I was hounding him. Texting, begging, pleading, crying....you name it. Then, I had 3 days of no contact....where I'd asked him not to contact me. He then contacted me and started being a bit nicer, said he'd missed me recently etc, found me attractive. I've been very limited contact since then and now he's asking me on a date....but from another post in the Breaking Up forum, it seems that this date is to boost his ego, for me to hand hold him til he finds someone else, or to keep me on the back burner - he hasn't made a step towards reconciliation....just said that he likes me as a person, but can't separate me from the kids, so would like to date me to see if there's anything there.

 

Anyway, my main question is, how can you really do NC when there's kids involved. It's basically impossible right? He has set days to see the kids, but little things like texting him to remind him to take them somewhere, or to do something, or him texting me to say he's running late - all of this is annoying, because I really would like to start NC. He hasn't been calling the kids until now, but I've told him he needs to start, cos it's too hard for them....so that's fine, we can set a day and time for that and I can let them answer. But in general, the amount of contact we have regarding the kids, means that I can't ever have proper NC, and it's really annoying.

 

Some tips on how anyone else has coped would be useful?

[DylanNotorious]

Well you can't go NC when you have kids. You just can't. So you will just have to be civil to him when talks to you about the kids.

 

But personally him asking you out on a date? Well on that one, I would tell him he can go jam something up his butt. How dare he.

[heartache1]

Well you can't go NC when you have kids. You just can't. So you will just have to be civil to him when talks to you about the kids.

 

But personally him asking you out on a date? Well on that one, I would tell him he can go jam something up his butt. How dare he.

 

LOL that made me laugh. I know. I don't know what's gotten into him. Nonsense about it being no big deal, can do no harm, he likes me and finds me attractive and would like to see if there's anything there. Personally, I think living with me for 9 years is a better way of seeing what I'm like and if there's something there, not a few dates that are going to be ultimately fake. I guess he wants to date me and lots of others, to see which "best girl wins"....as much as I'm hurt and tempted, I realise this will be a path to destruction for me. I'm not coping well as it is, without anymore set backs.

[AutumnBorn]

It is impossible. LC is the only thing you can or should even attempt. Find reasons and ways to not make contact if it's painful for you. Reject him in kind - you know you deserve better. (If I don't get a reply from my ex when I ask him a question regarding our house or kids in a reasonable amount of time - he delights in ignoring me at times- I send another message, "You're obviously busy, so I've decided to ____________________". This always gets a response to my question and I'm sure makes him feel like a juvenile.)

 

Oh, regarding the "dating", read Al Turtle's blog starting at "What to do when he/she leaves". Great advice there.