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was he just after the chase?

Sweetkisses22

By Sweetkisses22
in Dating Advice

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Sweetkisses22

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Im so confused, maybe you all can help a girl out!

 

So I met this guy 2 years ago we dated for like a month and I didn't know it but I was a rebound for him. He acted all loved covet and clingy in the beginning then out if the blue dumped me for his ex ON MY BDAY. I never talked to him again until recently..

 

For the past 6 months he's been trying to message me on fb having his friends message me. Finally I responded saying what do you want? Why do you think id ever want to talk to you again after everything? He apologized and basically begged for a second chance. He said he at least wants to be my friend. That he is a different person now. And btw I am friends with a lot if his friends so they also told me I should give him a chance. Well I said okay but start out as just friends since I just got out if a bad relationship. Also because I really liked this guy and he hurt me bad before. So I was so worried he'd do this again.

 

Well..we talked for over a month. We started off just as friends but clearly the spark was still there. He was Texting me everyday saying he missed me asking everyday if I could come see him. At first it was a little too much for me so I kind of pulled away and only hung our with him once a week. But then we started to get a little more into each other and having sleep overs and we did have sex. But everything was great. I was really happy and really thinking this could become something good. And all his friends were telling me he talks about me all day and can't wait to see me and stuff. Then one day I went to hang with him he was sweet he put gas in my car kissed me goodbye. Then the next day I barely heard from him. Then the day after he wasn't even Texting me. So I said are you okay? He said yes. I said do you want to see each other tonight. He said yes. Unfortunately I couldn't hang that night last minute. Then he started pulling away more the next day so I said what's wrong? He says "I think we should stop being physical I don't want to hurt you again it we get too attached and I don't really want a relationship now."

 

I was so shocked because the entire time he was saying how he will wait until im ready to be in a relationship. Then one day changes his mind. All I said was ok its cool. Then he's like oh but I still want. To hang with you I still like chilling with you.

 

So the next day he never texts me. Doesn't even agnolige me. I talked to my friend who's friends with him and he said that he says that he doesn't know what to do with me. So he's like well do you want to go out and meet other girls and he said no I still want to hang with her.

 

So I continued to be confused. I didn't hear from him at all. Then one day my friend says he said he doesn't like me anymore! Im like wth how did this happen in a day. Idk why his feelings just changed randomly..

 

So we haven't talked now in a week. I deleted him off facebook. I texted him once and said "I have a question for you are you busy?" He says why? Im like its a yes or no question are you busy? He never responds. He ignored me the whole day so I just squid forget it I can see you've decided to act like a * * * * . Then THE NEXT DAY out of no where he texts me at like 5pm saying im sorry I wasn't trying to be a * * * * what did you want to ask? So I said what is the REAL reason you wanted to stop seeing each other cause im confused. And he never responded..

 

 

Like Idk what happened. Idk if he is still interested. Idk if he has moved on. Idk how this all changed in a day! I really liked him I just feel completely blown off.

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Sweetkisses22 Collaborator

Sweetkisses22

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I kind of feel like he loved how he had to chace me in the beginning then when I accepted his lobe and stuff he doesn't want me anymore. Like he's afraid to commit to me but the whole tome we were talking all he wanted was a relationship with me. He was so crazy about me all his co workers knew about me. They told me he would come into work smiling cause he was just with me...like I just don't understand what happened.. and now he's like ignoring my texts and stuff. Idk if I should just give up or not. I feel like if he really wanted to be with me he would take the time to text me and hang out.

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Sweetkisses22 Collaborator

Sweetkisses22

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Yea but it seemed like he really did change by his behavior when we were together. And he was writing me poems and songs. He was just very happy. Then one day he decides he doesn't want me anymore? Like im totally confused as to what happened. He begged me for a second chance. He brought me to expensive dinners. He drove an hour to see me. And he invited me to his family christening! He told me this the day before the christening and he still wanted me to go with him but I said no. He was disappointed too. Then everything went downhill.

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wiseoldwoman Newbie

wiseoldwoman

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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times (which is what you're inviting him to do), the shame is gone. Your self esteem will be so shot, not only will you continue to invite him to fool you, you'll be ready to let others do it, too. It's time to enact a very strict no contact rule - and don't break it this time, ever. And don't listen to what mutual friends say. They will say 1. what he wants them to say; and/or 2. what they think you want to hear.

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wiseoldwoman Newbie

wiseoldwoman

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Really, does matter why? Or is it more important that it did? It might be that he was playing you the whole time. It might be that he just had a change of heart. It might be that he used you as a rebound from another relationship. It might be that a different old girlfriend became available and he decided to switch horses. The fact of the matter is, he did this to you and has proved he hasn't changed and he doesn't have a problem hurting you. Knowing that should be all you need to know. There's no way to ever understand the workings of another person's mind. All you can do is see his actions and make your decisions based upon those.

 

I know that sounds harsh, and when you're hurting, you think knowing why would ease the pain. But it really wouldn't. It would just give it a different focus.

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Bolegged04 Apprentice

Bolegged04

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I had an ex that did the same thing to me also. After he played with my emotions and led me on the first time, he went ghost and I didnt hear from him. I had no choice but to go NC for about 4 months and then he came back. After profusely apologizing, I felt sorry for him and took him back. After about 2 weeks of talking and getting close again, he did the same thing again. This time I felt like the fool times two. I promise to never ever look his way again. This guy is straight playing you. And believe it or not, I dont even want to know why cause it doesnt matter. What does matter is that your self worth and you need to move on and focus on yourself.

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Ariel85 Enthusiast

Ariel85

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Sorry to say, but you learned nothing from the guy the first time, so you set yourself up for a second go-around of the same garbage.

 

Like I always say, when someone shows you who they are - pay attention. You knew he was bad news, yet you fell right into it again.

 

To answer your question - yes, it was just a game. But, when it comes to it, guys really don't like girls who accept their crap. Strange how that works...

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waves Newbie

waves

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There is nothing wrong with you!!!!

 

I agree, people deserve a second chance. You are not a fool or bad for giving him one. I don't think I would have though cause he broke up with you on your birthday. I have read that on this site multiple times and I always think, who does that? That is so mean.

 

I know I have made mistakes that hurt people, but I will NEVER do them again. HE has done this twice to you. HE is a jerk.

 

Do NOT contact him again. Block his number even. Not only did he blow you off, but he was mean about you wanting to talk about it. A real man will at least talk to you about it.

 

What is sad that you even think this reflects badly on you. It doesn't. Don't beat yourself up. These shame on you comments are sad to me. Don't feel shame either, that won't help. Just learn from it. Take it slower next time.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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In my experience, it's usually because there's another girl involved. For guys like that, feelings leave as quick as they come.

 

This might be the case.

 

Maybe he just likes the beginning stages of it, and then gets cold feet. Then runs away.

 

Don't go back for a third time. He's just a scared little boy, and not man enough for a real woman.

 

I agree that he's a scared little boy. He has a lot to learn about relationships and people.

 

I think that you needed to hang out the second time so that you could really know what he's made of. It's not YOU. He is a jerk and he's hurt you.

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Sweetkisses22 Collaborator

Sweetkisses22

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Update guys!!

 

I am so shocked. So I talked to him and I bluntly asked him what happened and he said "im sorry for wasting your time. I thought I would be more into it than I was, there's nothing wrong with you like I said your a great girl, your just not MY great girl."

 

Im like so shocked and hurt. First off.. why was he all over me for the whole month then one day decide he's not into me anymore? Like the second I show affection back he runs and changes his feelings. This is the same thing he did to me 2 years ago only he was nicer about it this time. Im really pissed. Usually you know from the beginning whether you have feelings or not. He slept with me and knew he wasn't all into it. Then says he didn't want to hurt me? Hah!

 

He is just after the chase. He likes all those new buttflies you get then when it fades and you become more serious he runs to find the new butterflies. He said he still wants to be friends. Hah like that's gonna happen.

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