why is she changing her tune all of a sudden?

[dannya]

I just wanted a different perspective. My now ex walked away about 5 months ago. I don't want to go into a long raving history as I'm scared it will bore you all Bottom line is though that the reasons she gave were several, long and contradictory, essentially putting most of the blame of how things were on me. Granted I take ownership of where I went wrong. I had recognised these issues before the end and had started working on them and we were talking a lot about working things out. So it was a big shock for her to break up with me, from another country, by email no less, two days after we had a nice kiss and cuddle!!

 

A few weeks ago however she became very complimentary, almost flattering about the change in attitude, my maturity etc. Of course I knew that all along, but as it was a 180 degree turn from her earlier statements, it was still surprising how different it was. On further discussion a week ago, she said that she came to this conclusion out of hindsight, and that the changes and growth I experienced was ffrom before the break up but she just didn't notice it at the time. Now...for whatever feelings I have for her, I'm not that desperate for her to be back, not so much moved on as let go. And this statement kinda confirms what I had suspected all along, that the real reason she left was not really because of what I did/didn't do but because she simply lost interest in the relationship. Brought about by something (most likely a promised overseas job, which hasn't happened 5 months after, she's still out there unemployed) or someone (I suspect she had a fling but no real proof). She also has as well some control issues that she has never really acknowledged. Add to that the fact that she was as disrespectful to me as she was and only said sorry I think more out of embarrassment than really feeling bad about it. She always allowed me to contact her and fortunately, though I let her know how upset I was, I never begged or bombard her with messages etc. I mentioned the possibility of seeing how things go while we communicate, which she seemed open to, though now I'm genuinely questioning if that is what I want, given the perspective that I now have.

 

So is she trying to butter me up? playing some kind of game? should i bother to try and fix things? your thoughts are much appreciated

[mhowe]

Sounds like you have moved on. I would keep walking --- the changes you have made for yourself will attract someone special in the future.

[offplanet]

Seeing as you think she lost interest in you, and might have had a fling, why would you even consider going back, when you're not even desperate to?