Losing hope

[notopposed]

My long distance ex girlfriend broke up with me about 7 weeks ago, and I'm almost at 1 month NC (I initiated the last contact, which you can read about on my prior post). Since the break up she hasn't initiated contact with me once. I'm starting to think that there wont be anything coming.

 

It hurts because I love her and miss her so much, but I realize that any further efforts for me to try to contact her will come accross as desperate and manipulative. I'd like to think that I could call her when I'm in town over Thanksgiving break and that we could meet in person and I could win her over again but based on other peoples stories on this website I'm starting to believe that approach doesn't work.

 

I agree that it's a much better situation if the dumper breaks NC as if the dumpee breaks no contact then you'll never know if there was true love and that they regretted their decision.

 

I've read a few stories of guys who received their contact when they had lost all hope and started to move on. I'm not banking on it. Is it true that most of us will never get contacted again?

[somethngwrng]

Thinking about all the girls I've known in the past, there has always been some form of contact a long time down the road... but never reconciliation. Just a "hi, how are you? wow, haven't talked in a long time. yep, well i'm doing this, what are you up to? i'll talk to you later".

[Tuffly]

Even if someone said a comprehensive study said 98% of dumpers initiate contact, there's always that 2%. You just never know, It's best to face it like the end of a relationship. If you anticipate feeling anxious over the Thanksgiving holiday, maybe think about making some plans to keep you busy. Don't call her.

 

NC is supposed to be a way to move on. Sometimes it has the affect on the dumper in that they feel a sense of loss. If you contact, then you look like you're not going anywhere and there is no loss as far as they're concerned. NC is really about cutting off contact in order to not fall into a delusional state of waiting.

[22n32]

Trust me u don't want contact. I got a call today after 5 weeks of NC which I started.. and she broke up with me..

[Destiny2112]

My LDR ex left me for someone else last year August. He got married to her already, after only a couple of months together.

I highly doubt, I'll ever hear from him again. He went NC on me straight away, telling me, he is happy with his new gf and that she has a problem with him being nice to me and he wished me a nice future.

Well, that was it, the end of 3,5 years together.

 

I don't see a reason why he should ever reach out to me again, I mean, he is married now! And after all what had happened, I won't ever initiate contact.

[SweetSeul]

Hey. I can relate. But try to keep with the NC. Who knows, maybe when Thanksgiving gets closer there will be some hope. But like most people said, stick to the NC for your own recovery.

 

I am also trying to decide whether or not to meet up with an LDR ex. Broke up two weeks ago before my visit, NC since the break up but wanting to get closure seeing as I'm in town anyway.

[In The Cold]

I was in this EXACT same situation 2 weeks ago (Canadian thanksgiving is early Oct.). You HAVE to stick to NC. Its going to be very hard. I've read hundreds of posts, and I have never read a successful reconcilation story of someone asking for a meeting after a month of NC. I've seen 2 types of reconcilations:

 

Type A: The dumper calls back the ex after a day or 2 and admits they have made a mistake

 

and

 

Type B: 6+ months of NC have occurred, the dumpee has moved on, and someone breaks NC (which still leads to a bunch of complications, and is very difficult to be successfull).

 

so yea, if your thinking about reconciliation, don't do it. If you want to go out in a blaze of glory, then by all means.

[SweetSeul]

To OP: How was your actual break up? Was it a quick and sudden BU or was there still some contact after the actual BU before you went NC?

 

Also, do you still have each other as Facebook friends? MSN contact, etc? Or have you completely blocked/deleted your ex from all your online platforms?

[notopposed]

Well the break up was out of the blue. She had just visited a week before. We had been going out for 2 years and I was definitely thinking about our future. When she came to visit me I told her that I'd like her to get a job near me for 2 years to let me finish school and then we could work towards getting married. After 2 years I would've been willing to move anywhere. There weren't any major clues that she was thinking about breaking up with me prior to her visit or during her visit.

 

I think she started thinking about whether I was the one she wanted for the rest of her life and decided that our chemistry was off. I'm not sure how you realize this all of a sudden after 2 years. After she broke up with me I was shocked. I sent her a thoughtful message about our relationship on NC week 3, and she did call me. At first it sounded like she wanted to meet me again to see if things could work but after further questioning she did say she didn't want to lead me on. After that phone call I decided to stay no contact. If she doesn't realize she loves me, I'm not sure there's a point to trying to win her back.

 

Like I said in response to your story.... You can't win back something that's not there. The dumper has to feel your loss. They have to realize it was a mistake. Sure maybe I can convince her to see me and win her over again. But I'll be stuck in limbo land wondering if she really loves me. It's a much better position if she comes back to me on her own. I just don't see how that's possible given how she left me when I told her I was thinking about marriage.

[Josh8]

Don't do it. DO NOT break that no-contact. Plenty of fish, brother. Keep that mantra in your head. Yes, there might have been a lot you liked about her. Yet, no matter how great you think your past partner was, you LOGICALLY know that there's ALWAYS someone better. This is your chance to find someone who makes you even happier than she ever did. Take it. Don't waste precious days, weeks, months, or years obsessing over what might have been. Even if she takes you back, you can never trust her again. She has broken that trust by being disloyal. That's what a break-up is, the destruction of loyalty. Time to really move on. Grieve. Then, move on.

[SweetSeul]

Well the break up was out of the blue. She had just visited a week before. We had been going out for 2 years and I was definitely thinking about our future. When she came to visit me I told her that I'd like her to get a job near me for 2 years to let me finish school and then we could work towards getting married. After 2 years I would've been willing to move anywhere. There weren't any major clues that she was thinking about breaking up with me prior to her visit or during her visit.

 

I think she started thinking about whether I was the one she wanted for the rest of her life and decided that our chemistry was off. I'm not sure how you realize this all of a sudden after 2 years. After she broke up with me I was shocked.

 

Our situations really do sound similar!!!! It is also hard for me to accept that we just spent a vacation together, talked of the future...and then gone. He has assured me that everything he said and did was the truth at that time and I am holding on to that. It is difficult to comprehend that all these wonderful things happened in our relationship yet he was confused...Maybe after he had visited me and went back home, the fantasy and honeymoon of the visit wore off and reality gradually set in.

 

Ohhh. This is going to be hard. Thank goodness for this forum, to help let everything out.

 

You are right. You can't win back something that isn't there. We need to let our ex's go more for ourselves than for them. I will be following your story and progress, notopposed and hoping the best for you.