mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 5 years with my ex, he dumped me no closure, i went thru hell trying to get my things back from his house, finally he gave in after 2 months of me begging for my belongings... never saw him , i arranged to have my things picked up, few days ago i see pictures of his new girlfriend on his FB, she also has the same picture on her FB , iam tempted to write him and tell him i know the reason now why you left me!!! please someone tell me not to do it !! Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 DON'T do it. You already know what the reason is, there's no reason to throw it out there. What will it accomplish if you tell him? Keep your dignity intact, and don't stoop to his level. Link to comment
Arabella314 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I don't think you should do it. If he has another girl, sorry to say he probably won't really care what you have to say, and might not answer you anyway. If he does, he won't say stuff you wanna read. Just sayin from my past experiences. Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Guys we were to get married ! 5 years common, i have to swallow the pain?? while he parades his pictures on FB ! i dont have the right to express how i feel?? i wonder if the tables we turned what he would do !! Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 You don't have to swallow the pain --- but ranting at him or her will accomplish absolutely nothing. And change nothing. Go yell from the rooftops if you want. You are not in a relationship with him anymore, so I really doubt that he cares how you feel. He's moved on ---- and while it really sucks, you need to as well. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Ok, hypothetically speaking you did express how you felt, what do you think he will say? I know it hurts, because I've been through the same thing you been through, no closure - no nothing. I found out soon afterwards that he was seeing someone else, most likely cheated on me, and I was furious, but what good would that do if I said something? Do you think he's going to come around and give you an explanation? He did what he did, without any regards to your feelings. Yes, I agree that the least he could have done was have the courage to tell you the truth, rather than being a coward. You already know the type of person he is now.. I'm sorry for what you're going through, but please think things through before you do something you may regret later. Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 The only reason i would do this is so he knows that i know the truth, regardless what he thinks !! i want him to feel guilty !! he was always so controlling of me, jelous of me, for no reasons, i never cheated on him, never did anything wrong, so thats what makes me so angry !! he did it to me!! Link to comment
thejigsup Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 If you write him, it will justify in his mind the breakup. He will show the letter to his gf and they will laugh and he will say, "See, I told you she was a b*tch!" She will say, "Aren't you glad you have me now?" Not a good scenario, is it? Keep it to yourself and keep your dignity. No sense looking like a fool, it's over and done with. Link to comment
Arabella314 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I doubt he'd feel guilty. I tried that same thing with my ex, & he could really care less. I don't know, your ex might be different. I don't know him, but though you might really want to do it like I always do, it's not gonna change anything & you'll probably end up feeling worse if you don't get the results you want. Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 “Silence is a source of great strength.” i will try to keep my silence, i dont want to look like a PYSCHO, i have lots of pride... Why would he put her pictures on FB ?? iam wondering if hes trying to hurt me !! Link to comment
DN Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 How do you know she was the reason he left? Are you sure he didn't meet her after you broke up? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 By directing all of this negative energy his way, you're basically letting him win. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I don't mean to be cruel, but he is not thinking at all about how this is affecting you. Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 No iam sure he knew of her ! his daughter hated me , she wanted me far fromher father, so she intruduced the father to this women, she happens to be his daughters best friends AUNT which recently moved here from Spain... i supported this man for 2 years, i gave him my life !! know i get paid this way ?? common who those these things ??? Link to comment
jooj Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Me and my ex broke up 7 months ago. He just left me with no closure and explanation, it hurt me so much. I sent him an email a few days after he left but he never replied. So I initiated NC right away because that's what everyone advised me to do and NC did help but I kept on wondering and searching for answers within myself of what I did wrong and I was boiling with anger inside of me for what he has done to me. I never got my closure until 3 months after the break up when I checked his fb and saw his pic with another girl, it hurt me so much and all I felt like doing was sending him an email to release all the anger within me but most people advised me not to including people here in ENA. I didnt listen to anyone and I followed my instincts and sent him a long email releasing all the anger I was holding toward him. Surprisingly he replied after 3 weeks telling me how sorry he was for hurting me and that I deserve better than him. I got my closure this way and I feel so much better now. Even if he hadnt replied it would have still given me closure because I now know that my voice has been heard and that I had told him everything left to say. Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Iam almost sure its his daughter posting those picutres on FB of them , he never had a FB account, few months after we broke up he opened one, he dosent even know how to use a computer !! so iam sure its his daughter doing this to me, they know i use FB all the time!! Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 wow JOOJ, iam happy at least he replied to you ! he had the decency to do that, iam glad you felt better... i honestly think my ex would not reply, but at least my ANGER and Hurt will get to him !! Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Don't do it. Letting him see he can still get to you just hands him an ego boost - and another piece of yourself into his keeping. Don't you think he's taken enough pieces already? As for FB - block, block, block. You control what you see, no matter what they post. Take that control - no need to torment yourself. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 It won't get to him. He doesn't care. And it doesn't matter whether he or his daughter is doing the FB stuff. Let it go. Link to comment
dabbledave Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Yep, as Jooj has shown, and I have experienced, sometimes there are things that do need to be said; but perhaps better said after a period of reflection. Before licking the envelope or clicking the send button or dialling the number, figure out exactly what your message is going to be and calm yourself for it be delivered in the most effective way possible. After the period of reflection, you may find that you don't really need to send the message at all. DD Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 I wonder if they caused us so much HURT , how can they be so happy??? dont they care?? why and how can they move on knowing the hurt someone so bad?? Link to comment
mg22 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 If he were in my shoes i wonder what he would do !! If i left him for someone else!!!!!!!!! Iam sure the picture would not be nice Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Yes, attempting to contact in this situation would likely lead to further pain and embarrassment. You're letting him get you IMHO, don't let him, take the high road here and move on, disappear so to speak. Block him from FB, NC all the way, etc. I've only been on this site for a few months, and I can't tell you how many times FB has caused pain and anguish in people's lives as they cyberstalk their exes. Break the cycle, block him Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 To me it's simple. If you contact him he wins - he gets the satisfaction of knowing how much you still care. Sure he might feel guilty but is that what you want? You certainly don't want him to return to you out of guilt. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I wonder if they caused us so much HURT , how can they be so happy??? dont they care?? why and how can they move on knowing the hurt someone so bad?? For one, they already dealt, to an extent, with KNOWING they were going to hurt us before they ever gave us the unceremonious heave-ho out the door. And they were already starting to get some emotional distance while they still had our love and support, before they "left" the relationship. They may still hurt. They may jump into another relationship. But since they're no longer invested in us - they affect us a lot more than we affect them. The hard part for us is getting all those pieces of ourselves we happily invested in the relationship back - when we're reeling and hurting. It's not easy. It's painful, it takes a lot of time, and it pretty much sucks. But the other option - giving more to someone who's no longer even really receiving anything, sticks us in a nasty limbo spot where we can't move forward, and going back, well, if that was an option, most of us wouldn't be here. Link to comment
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