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Question for those who have healed from really bad breakups in the past?

Di84

By Di84
in Healing After Break Up or Divorce

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Di84 Enthusiast

Di84

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How long did it take you to completely heal and forget the person? Did you feel like you would never find new love, and if you did, how long did it take before you met the new love?

 

 

I've been broken up with my ex for a year now. I still hurt over him and still feel upset and cry from time to time. However, I am much better than I used to be. The only problem is I feel like I will never find love like that again. I know it's silly to say, but I really do feel that way sometimes. He's moved on to a new girl and seems super happy with her, meanwhile I have not met anyone.

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Di84 Enthusiast

Di84

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depends i guess

 

why did you break up`? did he try to contact you? did you do NC?

 

We broke up after 4 yrs together because we were arguing a lot. He wasn't putting any effort to make me happy, I was insecure and needy, the more i asked from him the less he gave..and finally he left me because he simply fell out of love. Even though in the end things were rough, I loved him so much and wanted to desperately work thing out with him. He didn't care anymore. I had a hard time with NC for the first 6 months (pathetic i know) and then finally in june he told me he was seeing the new girl. I finally went into strict NC. I was finally moving on until September. He messaged me on facebook and we ended up sleeping with each other and that blew up into a huge argument because he was still with the girl and I thought it was over. I asked him to never ever contact me again this time as all my wounds were reopened. He told me it was "just sex" and "didnt realize it would hurt me that much". He is still with his gf and well..here I am starting over with the pain and dealing with the extreme hurt and resentment i have inside.

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meoww Collaborator

meoww

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Depends on what happened really. Some ppl get over it fast, while others that get screwed over bad take longer. I am still healing the last tiny bit of pain unfortunately. It's been 15ish months.

 

Me too--1.5 years later, I feel almost fully healed and I haven't even met 'the one' or anything. I think it depends on many factors--if you're codependent or have other psychological problems, it will be harder. Being cheated on also complicates things. I'm proud to say I would never go back now!

 

I'm actually kind of glad I didn't jump into a new relationship, for the first time in my life I'm completely comfortable being single. So my suggestion is to stay single until you're healed. It's really hard but once you get the through the worst you'll be amazed by how much you've changed for the better.

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Di84 Enthusiast

Di84

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Me too--1.5 years later, I feel almost fully healed and I haven't even met 'the one' or anything. I think it depends on many factors--if you're codependent or have other psychological problems, it will be harder. Being cheated on also complicates things. I'm proud to say I would never go back now!

 

I'm actually kind of glad I didn't jump into a new relationship, for the first time in my life I'm completely comfortable being single. So my suggestion is to stay single until you're healed. It's really hard but once you get the through the worst you'll be amazed by how much you've changed for the better.

 

I do feel as thought I've healed enough to start a new relationship.. I really do. However, I am just hurt over what my ex did to me again in September. I am just starting to feel like I won't ever really love again and it worries me. I am SO happy i have been single for the past year..it has taught me so much about myself and what i need to do to make myself happy. I don't really need to be in a relationship but I would like to have someone to spend my time with now i guess..

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stuka80 Enthusiast

stuka80

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took me about a year and a half to completely get over the person. it was a bad breakup and i was in love with her at the time. i still think about her every day but it's a passing thought no more than a few seconds and there's absolutely no emotions involved anymore. thank god!

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Di84 Enthusiast

Di84

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Stuka - glad to hear you that the thoughts of her are quick thoughts..but in another year from now, I really would love it if he weren't even a passing thought!!!

 

Lanaa- No. He hasn't tried to contact me since september. I asked him to not ever contact me, not now, not in 6 months or a year, never. I meant it and he knew that. Also, he has a girlfriend so there would be no reason for him to be in touch with me. I told him the only reason he should have ever been in touch with me was only if he wanted to be with me....and his response "no. I don't love you. I don't want to be with you again". So great - my response was "THEN DON'T EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN.".

 

That was the end of it. Pretty pathetic considering we used to be so close and now we are complete enemies.

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Di84 Enthusiast

Di84

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Oh and i forgot to mention how he thought that it would make sense to catch up ever "6 months or so" to see how we are doing. I don't think he comprehends what it means to be exes.....well thats probably because he walked away without any pain so for him, catching up every 6 months would be fun...but for me it would just be a reminder of my past and how he left me and never cared. How selfish of him...

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gluestick Contributor

gluestick

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The only person who's not worth anything is HIM. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. Using you for sex, cheating on his current gf, and keeping you at arms length as a backup really show you just the type of person he really is. Be happy that you dodged a bullet there.

 

Focus on yourself and your healing. What he did is in the past. The sooner you let go of that, the easier it'd be for you to open up and welcome a new love into your life. You can only attract the finest when you have no emotional baggage whatsoever.

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jooj Contributor

jooj

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I'm 7 months post break up now. I havent healed yet but I'm doing much better now than I was at the beginning of the break up. I still think about him most of the time but I no longer want him back unlike in the beginning of the break up I was obsessed with the idea of getting back together.

I do sometimes wonder if I will ever find love again and if so when will that happen.

I've gone into complete NC and that helped a lot with healing but when I was 3 months post breakup I checked his fb and saw his profile pic with another girl which hurt me a lot. I never checked his facebook again and I dont plan to because I want to avoid getting hurt and I want to move forward with healing.

 

I sometimes wonder is it normal to think about my ex this much after 7 months of breaking up. I guess what I need in order to heal more quickly is to meet new people and make some changes with my life. Btw travelling and seeing the world helps a lot with healing.

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Di84 Enthusiast

Di84

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Hey guys-

 

thanks so much for all your replies. I am completely aware that my ex is not even worth thinking about anymore after what he did..but i guess time will take care of the hurt. And jooj- it is completely normal to still think of your ex 7 months post breakup. It hasnt been that long if you think about it.. and traveling does work wonders on healing butunfortunately I cannot do that more than once a year!!!

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