lalalollipops Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Revenge is waste of energy and time. I just think that you should let the hateful feelings go. Getting revenge will not change what has happened in the past or change the situation so be the bigger person and just worry about your life. I believe in karma so yeah, let karma sort him out. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Why don't you see if your husband would support you going to counseling just for you? While it might be more optimal to go together, it doesn't mean you can't benefit from that third party perspective for yourself, and it would give you a completely "neutral" party to bounce thoughts and feelings off of. If there's anything you stopped doing to see this OM that you used to enjoy, start doing it again. Focus on things you can do for you, for your husband, and for your relationship - they're not always the same thing. Find something productive to use up any empty time you have - volunteer at a battered woman's shelter, for example. You might be surprised at how insignificant it can make your own issues feel when you're looking at others - and how FRUSTRATING it is to see a woman with blackened eyes and a broken arm - and know she's going back to the man who did it because he "loves" her.... Link to comment
helpmyheart Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 You are right. I wish I would have never let him get the best of me and even threaten to tell his gf about it. If karma hasn't already slapped me in the face. . . I am sure it will. Ugh. . . I hate myself for ever letting myself get into this situaton and letting it continue for a year. I feel like I lost my best friend. Lied to, used, etc. . . And I know a lot of people hate me for being a cheater. Being truthful. . . my husband does not seem too or show that he cares in any way shape or form. Yes he wants to work things out but has made no attempt to work on anything. Literally the morning after I told him he said "lets go buy you a new computer". As if nothing ever happened. Is that justification for being an adulterer? ABSOLUTELY NOT! but sometimes people don't see the whole picture. I do not feel cared about by my husband at all. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 my husband does not seem too or show that he cares in any way shape or form. Yes he wants to work things out but has made no attempt to work on anything. Literally the morning after I told him he said "lets go buy you a new computer". As if nothing ever happened. I have to ask - when he wasn't away on business, how was your relationship BEFORE the affair? And before you got married? Is he at all affectionate, and if not, was he ever? What was it about him that made you say "YES!" when he asked you to marry him? Link to comment
helpmyheart Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Prior to getting married and in the first 6 months of our relationship were really good. My husband was affectionate, we went out with friends and enjoyed life. It was like a crash landing after that. Once extreme stress got brought into the relationship it was like neither one of us knew how to handle it. We literally did not speak to each other for days at a time other than to ask "did you call the insurance company" things like that. When my mom was in the hospital I BEGGED him to come there and he would say he was tired or make up another reason why he couldn't be there. We completely stopped doing anything together, being intimate. Its like we both just died. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Whether it's in or out - maybe start instituting a "date night" with him, just the two of you. Avoid the too formal dinner type stuff - do stuff that lets you talk, try something new, and be, well, playful. Go to a fair, wander through an Oktoberfest or Renaissance Festival, take a picnic to the park, or stay home and cook something out of the ordinary together, something new and a it adventurous. Heck, go to an arcade and play lasertag, or join a fitness club and set a day to go together for some of it. Sounds like you guys grew apart under the stress of the house and didn't know how to move back towards each other - so maybe see what you can think of you enjoyed before it fell apart, and revisit some of it. Link to comment
helpmyheart Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 I would love to get back to that point with my husband. I believe that I really need counseling and get over the other situation before I can give him or myself 100% Link to comment
DN Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I think you need to draw up a plan to get yourself back on track, and then try to repair you marriage. You wont be able to do that unless you can let go of ideas about revenge, put that affair in perspective and take responsibility for your part in it. Until you have clear goals and a plan abut how to achieve them you will continue to be stuck. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 The only person I feel sorry for here is the other guys girlfriend The rest of you all deserve each other Link to comment
journeynow Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 he said "lets go buy you a new computer" I do not feel cared about by my husband at all. Couldn't his helping you buy a computer be a way of him showing he cares? Link to comment
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