One of my closest friends passed away.

[quirky]

They told me at work yesterday, they don't have the full information yet. I called the police and again they only give information to next of kin and family. I had called him and texted him lately and got no reply. But I just thought he was busy or away..

 

I feel all sorts of feelings but mostly numb and empty. As many of you know I live abroad and this friend was from my home country. I had 3 close friends here and he was one of them. My other close friend is moving to France in January. And my relationship with my bf has been falling apart the last 2 months.

 

Does anything ever last, does anyone ever stay? I mean I am strong but also sensitive and life is so crazy, it'd be nice to have some comfort.

 

I took today off work, I slept 5 hours.

Life is so strange, I see no point to it. Everything ends. My friend was 32.

It is very important for me to know what happened, all I know is that he called in sick at work 10 days ago. I still can't believe it..

I have never dealt with the death of someone I am really close to.

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry quirky. He will always live in your heart. Life is the one really important thing, that and our relationships with others. We should really enjoy them. HUGS.

[In the Dark]

Was this completely unexpected or did he have any sort of condition prior which could have potentially caused death?

 

I only know what it's like to find a friend pass away unexpectedly.

To be honest, the feeling was one of disbelief, so initially I'm never in a state of shock but, more or less expressionless.

[quirky]

thank you victoria

 

He was troubled emotionally and was in therapy but nothing that seemed too out of control you know?

He had very healthy eating habits, was cycling, sleeping enough..I really don't know.

It's probably the parents that have the information but I don't know their number, I am trying to somehow find some answers.

 

Yesterday after work when they told me and some other girls and we went for a drink and I was just so lost.. They were crying and saying things about 'honouring' him and I was getting so angry at them. I know people deal with things differently..

[Seraphim]

Yes, everyone deals with death differently. Some people are very private and some people are more public and none of it is wrong, just different. One of my little friends died when I was 10. I remember her a little now. She died after she fell off her bike and hit her head and she did not tell her parents but went to bed because she said she felt sick, She never woke up. She died of a brain hemorrage. I had fallen off my own bike that week and hit my own head as well but was perfectly fine. I remember wondering why I had lived and she had not. I have known so many people that have died since. Probably 100 or so, some close to me and some not. It is always so painful. I guess all we can do is hold life precious while we have it and cherish people while we have them.

[catcountry]

I am so sorry for your loss quirky, and I sure do hope you are able to find out what happened. {{hugs}}

[JonasWaingaro]

Sorry for your lose Quirky. That's never an easy thing. It's always shocking when someone dies so young. It just doesn't make sense. Feeling numb and empty is pretty common. I know I did this spring when I lot a loved one. Life seems very odd at those times, as if it has no meaning and is pointless. You just have to remember that living is the meaning and he did live life. I hope you are okay. ((bighugs))

[quirky]

thank you.

[In the Dark]

I'm wondering if you friend was showing very little in comparison to what he was feeling.

 

I had a friend who I thought was doing fine.

He had mild Aspergers, yet I did not know this.

I knew something was a little unusual about his behavior before he passed away but nothing out of the ordinary.

Turned out he was struggling with his condition and finally gave up.

[quirky]

I have found out some more information. I had left my number with the coroner's office if his brother called. His brother called me yesterday and we talked today as well. Apparently my friend had called in sick on the 6th of October and noone saw him after that. They found him on the 16th. He was in bed so he died in his sleep, most possibly from heart failure. The sad thing is he had died a few days so even when they did the autopsy they couldn't define the exact cause 100% because it had been a while

I am also now in touch with his best friend back home.

 

I am not sure about going to the funeral..I really can't afford it to fly back home (I would be borrowing money) plus I only know 1 person. We will do something for him here, friends in the UK and colleagues so that will be nice.

 

But I still can't quite comprehend it. I went to work today and everyone was so nice but I don't know how I am feeling. Not very concentrated but not distraught, more like a bit lost.

[quirky]

I feel like life is on pause. Lost and numb.

[quirky]

It is slowly sinking in as time goes by. Very slowly. But still not quite ready to say the words dead or died, it's still incomprehensible to me.

I know he'd want me to be happy. I try to think of the fun stuff and the good times. I see his pictures that other friends put up but my thoughts and feelings are very conflicting.