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I think the thread title says it all. I'm bummed and anxious this week as its my ex's birthday in several days. We broke up 16 months ago..5 years together..she was the love of my life. I feel like sending her a birthday card just saying I was thinking of her, wishing her happiness and joy. I don't expect a response..but then again it would be nice. We haven't spoken since April. I really have no hope. I feel like zero response from her might be the last nail in the coffin of hope for me. I often think that if I could just fall in love with someone new, I could put her in the past for good. I have dated 4 women since we split, and haven't felt anything even close to how I felt about her. I expect to get blasted for this post, but this is where I'm at right now. Thoughts?

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Only you can honestly decide if ANY of the possible reactions would set you back, or take you to a darker place.


Will it hurt you if you get a generic, wishy-washy answer?

Will you be tempted to rush right back if the answer is encouraging?

Do you want that last nail from no answer at all?


Sometimes counting on no reaction is worse - because if you get one that makes it clear you're no longer of ANY moment, it can hurt more. And sometimes anticipating no answer or a bland one, you can get blindsided by the unexpected.


Make sure your foundation you've build is strong enough to withstand all the shades of grey.

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I would say it's a bad idea. I'm going to guess it was her idea for the breakup. It's been 16 months, and she has likely moved on. Nothing good will likely come out of her receiving a card from you.


What do I know, tho. Don't expect it to be what will bring everything back together.

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Is it a good idea? Depends on a lot of variables but almost always, I'd say no. How many times have you reached out to her over those 16 months and what reception did you get - those are probably the most pertinent questions you should be asking.


Einstein's definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.


I'm not preaching at you - been there too many times and probably will again yet.

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