Jump to content

"doomed" to be with my soulmate.


Recommended Posts

hey, i have a very weird problem. i believe i have met my soulmate. now, i don't actually believe in magical soulmates, but yeah, i've met the only person on this earth who... i can call a soulmate. understands me completely without even speaking. makes me feel not alone. can't imagine that i would even know who i was if i had never met him.


i'm 25, i met him when i was 14. i knew immediately he was my soulmate, we talked for 8 hours on the phone one night, he made me feel like finally there was someone who understood me. we dated for a month and then something happened... i felt a loss. i felt like we meant more as just friends than we did now that he was my boyfriend. before there was all the excitement of getting to know eachother and having late night conversations and crazy star-crossed feelings... and now he was just sitting on the couch with me and my friends, eating popcorn, being my boyfriend, and i felt like my life was unexciting. SO like any typical 14-year-old-girl, i broke up with him and got back with my dramatic ex-boyfriend so my life could be exciting again.


he was really upset, but me and my "soulmate" remained best friends ever since. and i don't think he ever got over me. well... i know he never got over me.


this has been our relationship for the past decade or so:

i'll be with another guy, always deeply in love with them and caring about them (or sometimes obsessing over them), but my best friend is always there. i'm always comparing the guys i'm with to my best friend. he's the only person who understands me. not even my best girl friend or my family seems to understand me like he does. he makes me feel so not alone... i don't even feel like i need to see him very often, sometimes we can go months without really seeing eachother, but just knowing he's "there", around in the world, makes me feel... okay. not alone.


everyone assumes we're together. the way we laugh, our chemistry, the way we have adventures together, the way he can take the most serious and unfortunate situation and make a joke and make me smile, NOBODY else can do that. my friends often tell me they can see us getting married.




so here's the problem.

i'm not attracted to him physically, and really hate being intimate with him.


sometimes he'll pull things like try and kiss me, or touch me, and he always apologizes later, but it makes it really hard for me to be comfortable in certain situations with him. in fact, i think it's what damaged our relationship so much.


he's not unattractive at all, plenty of girls think he's cute... but i just don't feel that way about him. the idea of being intimate with him creeps me out, i don't have any drive to kiss him or touch him. we kissed a few times and i didn't really feel... right. i don't know. it just creeps me out.


i think i put a lot of walls up around me. when he gets too close, i pull back. when i give him an inch, he tries to push for a mile. it's just made me really... well... i resent him, in a way.


anyway, long story short:

he's UTTERLY in love with me, and nobody else.

i am convinced no other man will ever measure up to him.

i am not physically attracted to him.


so i honestly don't know what to do.


i'm angry at him that he's the only one who understands me, and i'm not attracted to him.

like other people in the world get to find their soulmates and have romantic, passionate love affairs,

and i'm "stuck" with this guy.


i'm currently dating a wonderful guy who i'm very attracted to, who is sweet and we have a wonderful friendship, but he just isn't... well, he isn't my best friend. my soulmate.


like, what am i asking for, here?!

what do i do?!


sorry this is so long and rambling!

i'm just really tired of thinking about this.


Link to comment

but... he's my best friend! we're best friends!


amazingly, he actually knows how i feel. i did explain this to him... he doesn't really "try" for anything more now, but i know how he still feels about me.


he said he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and he'll always be here no matter what. we've gone long periods of time (several years) being "just friends", while i was in a 5-year relationship with a guy, and he seemed to be pretty good. just... he'll always seem to feel this way about me.


he says he's thought about going away and trying to get over me. but he said that's the saddest thing he can think of doing, and he loves me too much to have it happen. and i have a feeling he would never forgive himself if i ever needed him in life and he wasn't there for me...


maybe you're on to something though. i don't know.

Link to comment

What you need to do is stop thinking that ANY partner you EVER have will be PERFECT.


It's NOT going to happen.


Romanticize the notion all you want in your head, but it will only forever be destructive.


You need other outlets to make your life "exciting" other than your relationship.


And, if you're not attracted to the friend, end it if he isn't willing to commit to "just being friends" without there ever being a hope for a physical connection.


This is all more simply said than done, of course. But, it's the best advice you'll ever get.

Link to comment
  • 6 months later...

Just remember that physical beauty doesn't last forever. As time goes by we get older and all we'll have left is our inner beauty. So what i'm trying to say is that it's really what's on the inside that counts. Can you see yourself growing old with him? Anyway, it's your life and if you want to enjoy it right now then there's nothing wrong with that.. It's also possible that it could just be that you view him as a really amazing friend who can't live without. Just like a family member that you love with all your heart and the thought of losing them would kill you. I also have a best friend and I would say she is LIKE a soulmate because I can trust her and I know we will be friends forever. So maybe your relationship with your best friend is like mine with my bestfriend. Completely platonic If you do feel like he is your soulmate but you're having doubts because you're not physically attracted to him then I think you need to make your mind up soon about where you guys stand, because it's not always guaranteed that he will wait for you forever. He might meet someone who likes him for who he is and is also physically attracted to him. Could you handle that? Anyway, good luck

Link to comment
  • 4 years later...

Loveyoulater. I was searching the Internet for answers to my own love issues and your story is the exact same as mine! Except I haven't talked to my best friend/soulmate in four years. It wasn't until recently I thought about it and realized he truly is my soulmate. I broke his heart one too many times bc I no longer found him attractive. And now I miss him but I am in a committed relationship with a guy who is most likely the one. I don't find my soulmate attractive but I yearn for the deep conversations we once had, it was a connection like nothing I've ever experienced. He was my best friend from 14 until 22. I miss him terribly but last we talked he loved me and I couldn't love him more than a friend. I constantly dream about him and need to know how he is. I know he's still single and I think it's because of me. Closure would be the best gift ever but I can't bring myself to reopen my feelings to my best friend while I'm in love with my boyfriend. I need to know what you ended up doing. Our stories are so similar it's almost fate that I found this. Please reply if you see this!

Link to comment

I think you have it very simple but you don't want to accept the answer. Chemistry and physical attraction is essential to a romantic relationship unless both people want a marriage of convenience only and both people are fine with that. You didn't leave him at 14 to find excitement -you left to find chemistry and just happened to pick the wrong person for you otherwise. The lack of chemistry has never changed and you can be pretty certain it never will. Nothing to do with physical features -you're just not into him that way. And that's ok. That he is in love with you makes it even more unfair for you to at all suggest to him that he is your soulmate or that there is any romantic potential (if you have been doing that, that is).

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...