Need some advice.Ex contacting after a month of NC

[Outsider667]

Well this will be pretty long.It may be confusing and complicated.hope you guys can help me out with some advice.

 

I met this girl 4 years ago.We were 21 years old both.We saw each other in a bar and she kept staring at mi all the time.Then she walked towards the table where my friends and i were and started talking to me.We talked for about an hour and then she left.I knew from that moment that she was mine already.The next week we saw each other again and started talking,a while later we sat down and she took my hand in her's and rested her head on my shoulder i looked at her and kissed her.....The next day she said it was love at first sight.

We spent 4 years seeing each other almost every day.She told me every single day that i was the man of her life and all that stuff and i know that her love was true.She really did love me to the point that it was scary.We never had fights,discussions or disagreements except for the last 6 month together.We were a month away from living together and she wanted to marry me the next spring.She never had a doubt about spending her entire life with me.

Six months ago the downfall started....I lost my job,my parents also had severe finanicial problems,my dad was moving out and a lot more negative stuff was happening to me all the time.I had a big depression and i started neglecting her a lot.We almost never went out together,we only saw each other for an hour or so every day for a coffee,i refused almost any plan she had for us.I neglected my life,my friends and her.I broke down and couldn't take on life anymore.

I told her how i felt and explained to her that i could not give her the attention she needed until i fixed my life.She is a really needy type of girl,she wants a lot of atention,romance and need's people around her all the time to be happy.

The last month with her she changed.She became sad,we started arguing and she started seeing everything from a negative point of view.My life was getting worse every day and i started avoiding everything in my life and pushing her away.She asked me for help and said that she needed to feel that i was fighting for her.I tried but i didn't do enough.I wasn't strong enough to face life like a man.A month ago she sent me a text saying that she loved me, missed me a lot, missed the good times and that she could not live without me ,but she wasn't sure that she could go on with our relationship.

Two days later she called me.She drove to my house and when i entered the car she started crying.I asked her what was happening and she told me that it was over.She said that she spent the last month crying at home every night,that she lost her feelings for me,and that we would not be together never again.I accepted the breakup and told her that i love her but that i understood her point of view.She started crying in a really Hysterical manner(shaking,she couldn't breathe etc...)Then she told me that i was the best person she will ever know and that this breakup was probably the worst error in her life.I was devastated and i went home and didn't see her for a week.The next week i called her and we met.i wrote her a really nice letter and bought her flowers.She took the letter but she didn't want the flowers.Then i threw all my self-esteem away.I begged,cried and did all the needy stuff to get a second chance but she told me that it was too late and that she didn't feel the same anymore.I wished her all the best in life and walked away.

I've been in no contact for a month and a week ago i found out that she was in a rebound with a guy she met a month before the breakup.He was always near her when we were together but we never had any jealousy issues so i thought that i was safe.I am pretty sure that they didn't have anything while we were still together.I felt really bad but that's the way thing are.

Yesterday i got an e-mail from her saying that she want's to explain some unresolved doubts that i have to me and that if i wanted to we could meet up.What should i do??

[RitaTrue]

Yesterday i got an e-mail from her saying that she want's to explain some unresolved doubts that i have to me and that if i wanted to we could meet up.What should i do??

 

Unresolved doubts that YOU have? Explain that one. Are you sure it's not any of HER guilt that she wants to air out on YOU?

 

OP, if you have no doubts and want no reconciliation, IGNORE HER! Going to her now, especially after you've been doing so well on NC, will only stir up things within you, which sets you back mentally.

 

To me, this SCREAMS that she has guilt and is ONLY TRYING TO MAKE HERSELF FEEL BETTER. It has ZERO to do with you, in fact, you've been avoiding contact with her. And even if you did ask her questions before your NC, why did she wait A MONTH LATER, to try to set things straight?

OP, it depends on you. If you did tell her that you have confusions, then closure is nice. But if you've been doing NC and WANT ZERO RECONCILIATION AND WANT TO MOVE ON, ignore her and keep moving on.

[Outsider667]

I did say that i had some doubts and unexplained issues .She told me that she wanted to explain stuff to me but i called her and told her that when i am ready i will contact her and that she should not try to contact me.I love her but i'm really disapointed with her with the rebound issue so i dont need explanations anymore.If she wants to come back to me she will but i won't do anything i guess