What about me is turning women off?

[GettingBetter]

In college, I didn't have much trouble meeting women. Mostly I was busy and kept to my studies. Most of my relationships were short lived, and started with the woman asking me out. Usually, these women were very attractive, popular and smart.

 

Fast-forward to now. New job, new city, and I can't meet anyone. I am taking some college dance courses, and I have met a couple of guys -- go figure. We go bowling together, and that's all good. But, I can't seem to meet any women my age -- at least, not any single women. Women who are either engaged or in a serious relationship, however, are very friendly towards me, for some reason.

 

I've been trying the online dating scene for the first time now, and I'm not having much luck. I send out messages, the women read them, visit my profile, but then never write back. So, I'm guessing it's something about my profile that's turning them off.

 

If anyone is so inclined, I've temporarily added a link to my online dating profile via my eNA profile's Home Page (left column, under "Send Private Message"). I would really appreciate some feedback!

[quantumst8]

Your profile reads too much like a resume. It's very informative, but informative doesn't really build attraction for the most part. Online dating is going to be an uphill battle anyways since any relatively normal and moderately attractive woman is going to usually get more attention than she knows what to do with. This tends to make such women more selective than they would otherwise be if they met you in person. Success in online dating, IMHO, requires a lot of trial and error, and having a certain personality type helps. It's kind of an art.

 

Personally, I think meeting people the traditional way is far better. But you can't just wait for it to happen to you. You have to go out and involve yourself in things, proactively, which if you're more of an introvert, can seem a bit against the grain of your nature. But I think it's good to stretch yourself in such ways--it will help you grow as a person.

 

The dance courses seem like an excellent start, actually. If a particular dance course isn't working out, you can always try others. But make a real effort to engage people in casual conversation. Also, you could look around your city and find common interest groups/clubs that attract female members. Certain organizations, such as The Star Trek Fan Club, or The Insect Collecting Society, are probably going to be more difficult to meet women at, so naturally keep in mind the proclivity of your venue when you start your search.

[RedDress]

Honestly? Your profile is fantastic! You are a good looking guy, educated, doing well for yourself at such a young age, you don't come accross as snooty or arrogant, you seem to have fun interests and hobbies... If you were 10 years older and living on my side of the continent (and I didn't have a bf), I'd be panting. LOL!

 

The only thing I can think of is that... at 23... maybe 23 year old girls are not ready for you? I think you'd tire quickly of a frat girl... Maybe the ballroom dancing is a bit much for them and they want to see beer-stained drunk dude? I have no idea.

 

Don't discount the friends you've made - or the engaged and married women. Women, as a general rule LOOOOOOVE to set up their girlfriends with some new eligible bachelor they've met.

 

How long ago did you move? How long have you been online? Maybe you are just feeling the pain of the move and jumping the gun in terms of how long it should reasonably take to settle in a new place...

[Mesemene]

Your profile reads too much like a resume.

 

This was more what struck me, in the summary and life sections. While information is good - I'd think maybe a little more about "I'd love to see... go to... experience... might sound more active than passive. "I'd love to meet someone who shares some of my varied interests, and who would be willing to show me their own ideas of fun and adventure;" for example though that might be a touch formal, leaves more of an opening? You seem like an awesome guy - maybe if you put yourself in the mindset of writing a story since you like to write, more than being professional, it'll sound a bit more dynamic and stick out a bit more.

 

Part of what works against you is similar to when you meet someone for the first time. They form an impression from the FIRST SENTENCE you utter - and if it's generic, or comes accross as too passive, they may not read the whole profile. So make that first line or two REALLY have some punch and pizzazz

[In the Dark]

Lol the way you set out your profile is to be expected of someone who is a software developer who reads C++ fluently.

Maybe the women you are messaging are looking for someone who has a bit more of an edge?

 

Not to say there aren't women who are looking for exactly you.

I don't know....your profile just seems rather formal.....

 

None the less hang in there, because I can not imagine someone not wanting to be interested in you even though you will most likely be having to be the one throwing out the fishing rod via sending most if not all of the messages.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I have to agree with the others that this is more of a resume profile. Its a good amount of info, but it doesn't read well on a dating site. I try to think of it as an autobiography, play it up, make it a good read, draw in the reader and give them a picture of you. Talk about your passions, where you'd like to travel, what you love about your new city, talk more about the dancing classes. Maybe talk about your favorite cycling trip or where you'd like to visit in the area. I like reading profiles that seem like the guy is opening up and not just filling in the blanks.

 

I really like your pictures! They are a great mix of you in a formal setting and candid shots. The robot is my fav, but I'm a nerd, so that's me, lol.

[Tuffly]

I noticed reading your profile that you don't have much time to date. Have you thought about changing the part about typical friday nights to: On the weekends I like to take it easy, swim, or take weekend trips. I like to go bowling and dancing regularly, and I'm trying to explore more restaurants, too.

 

Girls don't competing for attention. LOL. Make your typical weekend more inviting to share instead of already crammed up. It's just a thought. Great profile though. I thought you came through as a very clever, good looking, and put together guy. Just busy.

[seanryder]

Maybe use the photo under the tree as your main photo.... less formal.

 

Be more funny and less formal about the content. Be more self-deprecating. The whole purpose of the profile is to get ladies to contact you, so make it a fun prospect. They can get to know the finer details when they meet you....like whether or not you eat meat and how often!

 

Hope this helps

[Capricorn3]

While you have a lot of information, it reads way too formal (imo). Try and be a little more upbeat. I also wouldn't start with the words "I am a mature and thoughtful person" - it just sounds so, I dunno ..... lol. Also, use the less formal picture under the tree, or the one with the robot, which indicates you are a lot more fun/upbeat, than the formal pics.