Lazy Pathetic Friend

[Sache]

A friend of mine, Kyle, is a lazy and somewhat self-loathing person. Dude recently had a car accident!

 

He was driving his roommate to work, and on the way there...he veered into a 18-wheeler and caused the wreck. He damaged the front wheel and maybe the axis. He also got a ticket for speeding. He is going to be out of alot of money for towing expenses and the repair work. This is his second or third accident in his life. Kyle apparently had his headphones on and was listening to his MP3 player and zoned out...We all know he is a bad driver.

 

Now he wants to make me feeling guilty for not being able to give him a ride to work...even though it's a couple of miles away. If he has work at 5...he'll call me 15 minutes prior and expect me to be ready on the spot without forewarning.

 

He's apparently too broke to offer gas money...I know he's me friend, but he's starting to aggravate me with this self-pity. He complains about not being able to attract women, but doesn't upkeep himself to get any. Dude refuses to wear socks...

 

Any advice please...? Other mutual friends have the same feeling.

[Hollyj]

This isn't your problem.

 

When he calls, tell him your sorry, but you're busy doing something else- Remember, we teach others how to treat us.

 

If it is a couple of mile, then why doesn't he walk?

[Mesemene]

At some point, you and your friends are going to have to speak up a bit and let him sink or swim. He'll never learn anything if he always has a fall back plan, and knows if he doesn't bother helping himself, you guys won't let him completely sink. It's probably not conscious - but even if you'd be grumbling to yourself - if he had no way out before, would you guys have come to his aid?

 

If so, it's a pattern, and one he's probably come to rely on. If he doesn't take the initiative to get himself out of messes, or at least, not enough initiative - good old Sache/Bob/John will help "until I can figure something out."

 

Sit down with your friends, and see what you guys can come up with to cut off the safety harness. You don't have to be rude, though from the sounds of it, I'd be pretty blunt with him - sounds like subtlety would be wasted. And tell him "Dude - you're my friend, but in all the years I've known you, you waste more energy saying what you can't do than changing things so you can. I don't mind helping you out - but I want to see you help yourself first this time."

 

And when he asks for examples - be prepared with them.

 

"Dude, you always say you can't attract women, but you spend more time complaining, and no time at the gym/taking care of your mop of hair/don't even wear socks, so your feet enter the room before you do. What do you expect, that a chick will express her undying devotion magically? - you gonna sweep her off her feet with your foot odor???"

 

Depends on your relationship if you can be that blunt and poke at him - but you get the idea.

[Angel Irulan]

What I don't get is why they didn't throw him in jail for driving with headphones on?

 

Angel

[HeartGoesOn]

He needs to reap the consequences of his reckless and impulsive behaviour. The best thing you can do is to give him the gift of taking responsibility for his own actions, while letting him know that you'll be there as a friend, but not his "get out of jail free card," so to speak.

[In the Dark]

He's looking for someone to blame on what happened.

 

He has no one to blame but himself for this.

In this scenario the use of headphones while driving is dangerous.

How can you not see an 18-wheeler.