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Recoverable situation?


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Nearly 4 yrs. ago I moved into a new area and went to the library in a town about 20 miles away. I fell for a librarian there the moment I saw her and she gave me a massive come-on. The computer i was on wasn't working so we had to go to one of the others. I was walking behind her as she led me to another computer acrosss the library and noticed she was actually rolling her arse in very obviously sexual way as she walked. There's no doubt whatsoever she ws doing this on purpose and obviously I was aroused. As I've hardly ever had any sexual experience it was only the 2nd time in 10 yrs. I'd really expereienced being aroused in that unmistakably potent way that that is differnt by an order of magnitude to any arousal I experience through masterbation. A/w over the next 3 1/2 yrs. I went inot that library about 2=4 times a month and saw her often. I'm 100% convinced that she knew I was crushing on her big time. Sometimes she was a bit akward other times she smiled and we had a few little chats. btw. because of some protracted health problems I'd decided I had to wait till I was better to make a move but as she wasn't married I thought time was on my side. About a month ago I noticed she had a new very big ring on her right hand and went into a bit of a meltdown. I actually asked her if she was married and she said no then said 'my b/f is commitment phobic we'll probably get married when were about 80'. So I found out she had a b/f. The next time i went in I was expecting her to be akward 'cause I'd been asking her such personal questions but she wasn't. I turned round from a coputer to see where she was so I could try and get served by her and she clocked me probably realised why I was looking around and broke out into the biggest smile I've ever seen. Then she asked me if I was arlight which she'd never done before...she's just said Hi. Later she just came over to me and started talking while I was wating for another librarain to fetch a c.d from the store. So I thought if she's not freaked out by the personal questions...Well I had the idea to trump her 'commimtent phobic' b/f and about 2 weeks later one sat. mornig i bought a ring and proposed to her. I didn't want to 'cause I've still got health problems but I thought time might run out and this bozo she's with would prpose to her. She said 'no. I'm happy with my b/f' and then walked off and made herself busy at a terminal instead of going back to reading the paper.

I obviously gambled a proposal would win her from this 'commitement phobic' bozo and it didn't work. Going off the outline of the story I've given about how big a disaster mistake do you think proposing to her so stupidly was?


Thanks a lot for anyone who answers.

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Well personally i don't think you have the right to meddle with someone who is already in a relationship. I think you did the right thing however in taking your chance, its a win win situation, if she says yes you would get into a marriages, if she says no, you know you can move on with your life, if you never asked her, you would not even know now today how she felt. So at least you tried, which is a big + in my opinion. Just try it next time with someone who isn't occupied yet.

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I think the biggest mistake you made was not asking her out 4 years ago. Now, all of that time has been wasted, pining over someone who is (at least now) in a relationship. I hope you've learned that lesson. I also think the proposal thing is pretty weird. You didn't really expect her to accept, did you? You've seen her a couple times a month while she was working in the library. Oh yeah, and she's in a relationship. Before she was in a relationship, you had a chance at her accepting a date. An acceptance of your proposal was never going to happen. Again, I hope you've learned something from this.

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Wow, you jumped ahead about 5 million steps in the process of building a healthy relationship. I'm not trying to be mean, but you basically stalked her for years and then proposed one day. You hardly even knew each other. Yet, I can understand how you built-up this imaginary relationship in your head. She was probably really creeped-out by the whole thing.


Time to find a new library.

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