Help, I drunk texted an Ex and feel horrible now

[Tina747]

Sorry, I'll try to make this short but will give a little history too....

We had a short but very intense relationship for a few months last Spring. He broke off completely with me when I told him I needed a break and would like to just try being friends though I made it clear I still had feelings for him but needed time (for me the whole thing was happening way too fast and I felt a little overwhelmed and he had also just got out of a relationship). I never admitted to him at the time, that although we had some very, very good times that there were also times he would say things that would make me feel really bad about myself, like slowly breaking down my confidence. After breaking it off, I could tell he was sort of angry, criticized me and got all arrogant on me. Some of the stuff he said really hurt but I don't think he knows this. We texted and emailed a few times since (in a light, friendly way) but nothing for the last 5 months since I did not get the impression he wanted to be friends...but I am sure he thinks we parted on good terms. We live in a small town in the North East. I try very hard to avoid him but still see him around sometimes and then feel really, really sad and hurt again. But I never approach him and stayed really good about No Contact. I am absolutely sure after looking back that ending it was the right thing. Although the "short" relationship was extremely intense, it felt very wrong, though I have problems forgetting him anyway which is very confusing for me.

 

Anyway, the other night I made huge mistake of having a few too many drinks and texted that I missed him and wanted to see if he wanted to talk but as I sat there alone with no reply I started to feel really "drunkingly sad" and texted again but this time telling him how much he hurt me and never want to see him again - all in a very dramatic way". I know drinking and phone together are a very, very bad idea! But I am SOOOO embarrassed now. I never heard back and don't expect to. He is probably thinking "what is wrong with her - and I wasn't seeing her now anyway"?!? Especially because I am sure he does not know how hurtful his words were to me when we ended it and why would I text him after 5 months of not speaking!?!. Its like I am afraid people will think I am weak if they know they hurt me, so maybe this was freeing me? But I feel horrible now. Now I don't know what to do if I ever run into him! What should I do! Has anyone ever done this before! Am I making a bigger deal than it really is? I don;t know why I feel so stupid, weird and embarrassed and can't stop thinking about it! What do you think he thinks now? And what do I do if I ever run into him (we also have mutual acquaintances)? I know I shouldn't care but I do! Help please!

[Springs]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I have broken NC too, many times and it always makes me feel awful and makes things 100 times worse. All you can do is forgive yourself for it, and move on and start again. Don't give yourself a hard time about it. Everyone knows the feeling and unfortunately there's no magic way to make it disappear. You'll be ok x

[FathomFear]

I would send another text to the effect of. "Sorry, ignore the last text. It was inspired by too much alcohol. Hope you're doing well, Tina." If you genuinely regret sending it I think acknowledging it and apologizing for it is the best option.

[LaKings55]

Just go back to NC, try to forget it ever happened. In the end, it doesn't matter, he ignored the text, which is good. Don't bother trying to save face and attempt to apologize. You got drunk, you made a mistake, it happens. Move on! I'm sure he took it for what it was, a stupid drunk text. I've gotten plenty of those myself from friends and other random folks, I never put stock in them.

[Tina747]

Thank you all for taking the time to give me your advise. I feel a lot better now. You guys are great.