Extremely drastic mood swings affecting relationship?

[ilyclh]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months now, and we started it off a bit quickly. He's about a year younger than me and he loves me more than I love him.

 

We moved in together recently and I feel like I've been having extreme mood swings that are aimed primarily at him. He doesn't really do anything that would bother me if someone else did it, but for some reason, I find it particularly grating when he does it. I truly adore him (half the time), but every other day, I'd find him extremely annoying... even though he's done nothing wrong.

 

It's extremely difficult to explain and I haven't been diagnosed with anything because I can't afford a therapist, but I do honestly believe I have a mood/anxiety disorder.

 

It's come to the point that I'm extremely verbally abusive, and I don't understand why. One minute I'm cussing him out, the next minute I'm coddling him.

 

It's all very confusing for me... I don't want to break up with him because I do love him very much and we work very well when I'm not having a mood swing. What do you guys think? It's a huge problem in my life... I'm extremely emotional and irritable nowadays, but it's almost always only directed at him, for some reason...

[LazyDaisy]

"he loves me more than I love him" - I think that this has a lot to do with it.

[catfeeder]

"he loves me more than I love him" - I think that this has a lot to do with it.

 

Yep, that's the crux of the problem. I've been through this several times. I settled into relationships with guys who were crazy about me while I hoped over time I'd come to feel the same level of emotion for them. It didn't work--it drove me nuts. It made me cranky and depressed, and I felt trapped. I made the problem 'about me' instead of admitting what the real problem was, and it never got better--only worse. I could pretend for a while, then I'd come out sideways and have a meltdown.

 

Spare yourself and the guy by being strong and brave enough to get yourself out of this.

 

We're here if you need us.

[ilyclh]

Yep, that's the crux of the problem. I've been through this several times. I settled into relationships with guys who were crazy about me while I hoped over time I'd come to feel the same level of emotion for them. It didn't work--it drove me nuts. It made me cranky and depressed, and I felt trapped. I made the problem 'about me' instead of admitting what the real problem was, and it never got better--only worse. I could pretend for a while, then I'd come out sideways and have a meltdown.

 

Spare yourself and the guy by being strong and brave enough to get yourself out of this.

 

We're here if you need us.

To be honest, it was only the beginning that he was "crazy" for me, we've both settled into a mostly-even level. He's more affectionate, though. I'm naturally not very affectionate.

 

It may be the fact that he's really gentle and nice, while I'm aggressive and irritable normally. When HE'S being less "nice," I actually respond a lot better.

 

The guy I liked before him was really aggressive and "manly," so to speak. Near the end of me liking that guy, I got together with my current boyfriend partially because he reminded me of a "nicer" version of the previous guy. Later, I completely got over that previous guy and appreciated my current boyfriend for who he was, not because of who he reminded me of.

 

It's possible that we don't have much personal space. Before he moved in to my place, I'd see him about 4 times a week at most (which is a lot to some people, I understand), but we hardly got into fights and we had a lot of fun.

 

I've definitely considered breaking up with him, but I've really come to love him and I imagine if we can get over this, we'd do just fine. He IS my first boyfriend, and I realize that really affects how I see things, but I can't imagine being with anyone else. I have commitment issues, a low self-esteem, and terrible self-confidence... it really affects my behavior. I feel like bad-mouthing people will "protect me," and since my boyfriend is in the immediate vicinity, he has to deal with this terrible side of me.

 

Also, I've been dealing with... a lack of emotion. It's extremely hard for me to have fun or to feel anything. This isn't only with my boyfriend, it's generally how I feel.

 

I don't know, it's really difficult to explain.