katycloud Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I decided today that I have a problem. I constantly worry about the future. Being concerned and preparing for the future is not a bad thing, but I take it too far to the point where I am extremely stressed, worrying, and obsessing about future worries that don't exist yet! I am almost 24 years old, have a great career as a primary school teacher, have a great boyfriend of 5 years who is a chef. As my boyfriend and I are getting older and as our relationship is moving into a more 'serious' zone, I am starting to think about and worry about future stuff. We are planning to buy a house in the next couple of years (almost have a deposit saved!), planning to get married, etc. I am worried about our future finances, constantly obsessing over whether we will have enough for our plans. I am worried about his career as a chef - what if one day we want to have children? Chef hours are not compatible with families! I worry about all of these 'adult' issues constantly, even though they are far away. I was having a conversation with my mum about these concerns and she tells me, "Katy, calm down! You are worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. Everything will somehow work itself out and you will be fine." She is absolutely right, but I still always worry. I am a perpetual worry-wart and I don't know how to change... I've been like this most of my life. Does anybody have any advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 What more could you possibly need.... 5 year long relationship.. Two steady jobs/careers (rarer these days)... You have much going for you. Worrying about tomorrow is fine but if it's at the cost of driving yourself up a wall today, is it worth it? Your mom is absolutely right, you cannot plan life beyond next month..forget about next year(s). No plan no matter how well thought out ever works out exactly the way you wanted it to anyway! 23 years old, just enjoy your life today or you may regret it years down the line when life is less "worry free!" and you have no choice at that point! By the way...the mentality you have isn't bad at all. It's a rarity in this society today. Look at our government! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Consider working with a therapist who treats anxiety. S/he is trained to teach coping strategies and ways to bring yourself back on track when you derail. Given that this has been a lifelong problem, I wouldn't expect that relying on willpower will change this. It's deeply ingrained habit that needs to be unlearned and replaced with healthier ways to manage your vision of your future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I worry day and night. I've an anxious personality. Its so bad that I had to go on antianxiety medications to stop worrying for a while. I dont know what can be done. A lot of it is personality and medicines may be a quick and dirty fix, but not a long-time one. If you believe in God, try praying, writing a prayer journal. Exercise, eat healthy, take wise decisions (sounds cliche, I know, but it is important) so you don't need to worry about future. Also write down what is it that you are worried about. Not just e.g. I'm worried about my finances/relationship, but be specific. e.g. I'm afraid that I won't have enough money. I'm afraid that our relationship will fall apart. Go as far back closer to the root of your fears as you can. This will help you do 2 things - 1) Understand if your fears and decide if there is anything you can/cannot do about them. 2) Take action to overcome your fears (that can be cured by taking action). Eg. study so you won't fail the exam. Save up now so you won't run out of money. etc. 3) When you realize that you are worrying about something that you have no control over, tell yourself that you will pray about it and release it. There is nothing you can achieve by worrying about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stand Strong Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Reading Buddhist/life quotes help. You have to see life as you may only get one and decide that you don't want to waste it on negative thinking and feelings. The past is gone. The future is unwritten. Gratification of the moment is now. When you eat food or drink your favorite beverage, concentrate on the tastes/smells and savor it. Be aware of it. Focus on it like it's the only thing there (because in that moment it is life and that's all that it should be) Also, if you find yourself worrying, it's okay. Though if you really want to stop a bit, find a punishment for yourself (like eating your least favorite food) and reward yourself on days when you didn't worry with a rare treat. "Look at your mind dispassionately; this is enough to calm it. When it is quiet, you can go beyond it. Do not keep it busy all the time. Stop it - and just be. If you give it a rest, it will settle down and recover its purity and strength. Constant thinking makes it decay." Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anya1607307555 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 ^ Completely agree. Replacing the worrying thoughts with gratitude will slow your (over) thinking down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabbledave Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Some good advice above. What you could do also is read Dale Carnegie's How to Start Worrying and Start Living or download the audio book version. I spend most of my time in eNA on the "Healing After Break-Up and Divorce" forum. One thing is clear in my experience, when a relationship gets "serious" make sure you don't let it get serious i.e. don't let the fun and passion fade away. Cheers, DD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katycloud Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. I am going to try and change my mindset to be more grateful and less stress/concerned; I will also try to check out that Dale Carnegie audiobook! Thank you for all of the suggestions so far... I don't really have anxiety attacks or anything, it just feels as though the future plagues my mind sometimes. I mean, I'm thinking about how my partner's career is going to affect us having children when I'm only 23 and we're nowhere near that stage!! I just feel as though I look too far in advance sometimes...I worry about things that aren't even close to happening yet. Anyway, thank you so much everyone for the kind advice so far. If anyone has any other suggestions feel free to chime in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jooj Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I understand exactly what you go through because I have the same problem. I just worry too much about the future even though things will probably turn out to be ok in the end. The benefit of being like this is that you get things done early and you plan everything ahead of time to relieve your anxiety but the problem is that it causes a lot of stress in your life. I guess what we have is called generalized anxiety disorder. You can read about it and if you feel that this is greatly affecting the quality of your life you may consider seeing a therapist which can help with it. I havent seen a therapist for this yet, I'm currently trying to control this myself using some relaxation techniques like taking deep breaths and by distracting myself with things that dont worry me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oceandream Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Maybe try challenging some of your worries by seeing the good points in the situation. For example, as a chef he can still spend time with the kids in the morning and during the day before he goes to work. A lot of parents come home late at night from their day jobs with only enough time to say goodnight. Another positive, is you already have a deposit saved! Most people especially your age aren't on their way to buying a house! I also agree with the other posters in enjoying what you have right here right now. You don't want to miss your current blessings by excessively worrying about what is yet to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Anxiety is a biproduct of depression. I would look into getting some professional assistance for this. It is possible that anti-depressant medication would benefit you...chi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katycloud Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Maybe try challenging some of your worries by seeing the good points in the situation. For example, as a chef he can still spend time with the kids in the morning and during the day before he goes to work. A lot of parents come home late at night from their day jobs with only enough time to say goodnight. Another positive, is you already have a deposit saved! Most people especially your age aren't on their way to buying a house! I also agree with the other posters in enjoying what you have right here right now. You don't want to miss your current blessings by excessively worrying about what is yet to be. Thank you Lovely advice. Thanks again everyone for your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabbledave Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Anxiety is a biproduct of depression. I would look into getting some professional assistance for this. It is possible that anti-depressant medication would benefit you...chi The modern knee-jerk solution to natural phases we go through: prescribe MEDS! No disrespect to you, chi ... And I'm no doctor, but I do think there are far healthier ways for people (who are of no danger to themselves or to others) to manage their anxieties. I used to take anti-anxiety meds and SSRIs on occasion. I had self-diagnosed myself as cyclothymic. Two weeks after my recent break-up with my ex-fiance I had sunk into a deep dark hole -- the drugs weren't working and I even considered ending it all. A light switched on in my head; a realisation that it was my own thinking and attitude that was bringing me down and which contributed to the break-up. I made a decision to be happy. I became my own therapist. Three months on I am more confident and self-assured than I have ever been in my life (although I still miss my ex terribly). And I haven't popped a pill the whole time! My recovery story URL in my sig. Cheers, DD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I am glad that this worked for YOU, however, anti-depressants have been know to help many people. That is the reason I suggested it....chi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katycloud Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Hi chi, I honestly do not believe I am suffering from depression, nor that I have an anxiety disorder. I am generally a fairly happy, confident, and optimistic person - I just tend to worry and concern myself with things that are really far in the future/haven't happened yet. I think I just need to pull myself into perspective and try to live each day/week as it comes rather than attempting to plan out my life year by year. I've been on anti-depressants before (not for depression, for migraines/epilepsy) and they really screwed up my mental and physical health so I don't really want to go down that path again, nor do I think I need to. Thank you so much everyone for your input again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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