prettyname Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 At the large bookstore I go to I always make eye contact with this guy who studies/does work there. Inadvertent eye contact, he seems to be there a lot and have some type of creative job. Anyway, this has been going on for about six months. He really is there a lot. So today I was getting a coffee and he came up and talked to me. I am very shy and was having a shy day so I just said "no" "no" "no" to all of his questions and walked away. He said I had a lot of style and asked me what I did and about books he saw me reading. I was a little annoyed because it was embarrassing for me being so shy and I thought it made my crush on him seem as though it were really really obvious to him, the bookstore workers, and everyone else who is a regular. So what do you think I should do now? I actually feel guilty for not being friendly, but I assume he knows I am very shy (from the books he mentioned that he saw me reading)... Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Go back and just ask again about another particular book and just inquire more; ask questions, be inquisitive and most of all, friendly! Smile. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I would have felt like I was blown off if I was the guy from what you have mentioned with the conversation between you both. You should go back there and and initiate conversation and be friendly to him if you would like to get to know him out of the book store. Link to comment
definitely_maybe Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I would have felt like I was blown off if I was the guy from what you have mentioned with the conversation between you both. Me too. You need to initiate communication with him again. Returning to silence will feel awkward. Say hi next time you see him. Link to comment
prettyname Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I would have felt like I was blown off if I was the guy from what you have mentioned with the conversation between you both. You should go back there and and initiate conversation and be friendly to him if you would like to get to know him out of the book store. From the little bit he said he seemed like a pretty insightful guy so I doubt he thinks I blew him off. I think he would be able to glean I was attracted, but very shy. Link to comment
prettyname Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I would have felt like I was blown off if I was the guy from what you have mentioned with the conversation between you both. You should go back there and and initiate conversation and be friendly to him if you would like to get to know him out of the book store. Also, I am too shy to start a convo with him. I am a little concerned he is a grown man who spends so much time at the bookstore. He might have an artistic job of some kind, but I don't know. Link to comment
definitely_maybe Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 He might have an artistic job of some kind, but I don't know. Make it your goal to find out. If you're afraid of approaching people, don't hesitate to flash him a smile. If he is really interested in you, he might try to approach you again, but it's not guaranteed. Link to comment
Snowy Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Yeah definitely go back and initiate an conversation. Relax and be confident. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 From the little bit he said he seemed like a pretty insightful guy so I doubt he thinks I blew him off. I think he would be able to glean I was attracted, but very shy. Also, I am too shy to start a convo with him. I am a little concerned he is a grown man who spends so much time at the bookstore. He might have an artistic job of some kind, but I don't know. Lets hope his insight links to gleaning otherwise I don't see this going anywhere because there is little participation in communication on your side. Link to comment
offplanet Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 From the little bit he said he seemed like a pretty insightful guy so I doubt he thinks I blew him off. I think he would be able to glean I was attracted, but very shy. I agree with you. He knows the deal. Theres nothing wrong with being shy and introverted. Continue being yourself, and you will attract those who like shy and introverted girls, which should all work out nicely. Don't force yourself to approach him if you're not comfortable with it. If he's interested he will pursue it further. Link to comment
prettyname Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I agree with you. He knows the deal. Theres nothing wrong with being shy and introverted. Continue being yourself, and you will attract those who like shy and introverted girls, which should all work out nicely. Don't force yourself to approach him if you're not comfortable with it. If he's interested he will pursue it further.I agree with you. Though he must have known I was a shy person before he talked to me yesterday, which makes me question that choice. Link to comment
hers Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Ask yourself this: what do you have to gain by being shy? What do you have to gain if you're not shy? Overcome your personal fears the best you can. Link to comment
prettyname Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Ask yourself this: what do you have to gain by being shy? What do you have to gain if you're not shy? Overcome your personal fears the best you can. Sorry I would rather be shy than extroverted obnoxious bar fly. A lot of guys like shy girls. I'm not going to change myself so I can give out my phone number more often. Link to comment
hers Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 That's actually not what I was saying at all. I'm talking about this one instance. Where did I suggest for you to become a bar fly? Why the attitude? Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I agree with you. Though he must have known I was a shy person before he talked to me yesterday, which makes me question that choice. AKA he knew that if he waited for you to break the ice, NOTHING WOULD EVER HAPPEN!!! You have a real opportunity here - you're interested in him, he's interested in you - now you just have to get the better of your lack of nerve and develop some. Which is, I do agree, a difficult thing to do. Find something you want to read and go sit down in his area and well, make it obvious you want to talk to him. You're going to have to fight yourself on this, every step of the way. But I do believe if you nurture good interactions, you'll get to be more comfortable with him. Onc eyou get that, it will be easy to be freer with your conversation. He may be unemployed for all we know. That doesn't mean he'll always be doing what he is doing now for the rest of his life. Get beyond that, throw out the material objections and just go with your social desire! Your adversion to putting yourself out there, this idea that by doing so you'll be a barfly, is a bit extreme and is extremely unhealthly for developing a social aptitude. It's ok to be shy, but when being shy gets in the way of you living and enjoying what life has to offer - like this guy YOU LIKE right here in front of you coming up and saying "Hey, I LIKE YOU TOO!!" - you're bound for some real problems. Link to comment
hers Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I totally agree. The OP took what I said to a very extreme measure. I'm introverted as well. When I was single, I would just dream for guys to come up to me at bookstores or coffee shops I'd hang out in and talk to me b/c I was always too shy to do it myself. Ironically, it wasn't till I met my very extroverted husband that broke me out of my shell and made me realize I was the only one stopping myself from talking to people out in public (unless it was a setting I had to, like at work). Even still, I'm not advocating being a barfly to meet people (still not sure where htat came from). My husband likes that I'm less social than he is, so yes, I agree that some guys like shy girls. But they won't be able to like them at all if they can't get to know them... Link to comment
prettyname Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 maybe i didn't want anything "to happen" maybe I just wanted to admire from afar. Link to comment
hers Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 You asked what you should do now... what is it you're looking for then? Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 maybe i didn't want anything "to happen" maybe I just wanted to admire from afar. WHY???? Get over yourself and get a move on!! You have no idea how much you're missing out on sitting back like this! Dreams really do come true...be careful what you dream! Link to comment
prettyname Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 WHY???? Get over yourself and get a move on!! You have no idea how much you're missing out on sitting back like this! Dreams really do come true...be careful what you dream! 1) hes older than me 2) i have social phobias 3) i have issues with sex and sexuality 4) i don't want to get hurt 5) he might be unemployed Link to comment
hers Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Are you trying to convince us or yourself not to talk back to him? Link to comment
prettyname Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 You asked what you should do now... what is it you're looking for then? I felt a lot of anxiety after he approached me. I felt ashamed that I reacted so poorly and I felt guilty if I hurt his feelings/embarrassed him. I suppose I wanted to vent and talk about it to help me feel better. He sort of looks like Jack Nicholson did in the 70s. I don't know why he chose yesterday (of all days) to talk to me. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 1) hes older than me 2) i have social phobias 3) i have issues with sex and sexuality 4) i don't want to get hurt 5) he might be unemployed You're jumping the horse a bit, no? You don't start commiting to a relationship until after you know somebody, so getting to know them is not the same as sleeping with them or even dating. If this leads to that, and it will only if you let it and because you discover he's a guy you're comfortable with; if so you'll be fine. You may just turn out to be good bookstore buddies. And it may turn out not. Who knows. Maybe he's the one who will help you get over yourself Maybe not. I do know this one thing though... As long as you sit back here behind your sandbags and your barbed concertina wire, you will never make progress within yourself or with your phobias. You may very well make a ton of mistakes here. It's ok; suck it up! You can't make omelets without cracking a couple eggs! You may crack a whole dozen before you get it right, but it get's easier as you get more experience! You can do this!! If he's interested enough to come up and talk to you, take that as a good sign. He notices you too, and he notices perhaps that you're interested in him. Good indicators towards developing at least a speaking dialog or a working friendship. Change your outlook on this. Right now you're convinced this is bad. Change that. This is good! It's good for you! Go for it! And if you're like me, no double triple expressos!! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 And if you want to at least talk through all five on this list, you couldn't have picked a better place... Link to comment
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