gf left me and says sex is better with new man

[star036]

My gf left me after 7 yrs together. She said she just doesn't love me anymore, we had grown apart and there was no-one else. During the 7 yrs, we had a very up and down sex life. We both lost of virginity to eachother, so it was always special for me. But for several years she had these sharp pains in her groin and stomach during and after sex. Sometimes she had to stop after 5 mins, but I was never angry. I always stud by her and helped her to sort the problem out, but nothing from the doctor seemed to work. Her having these pains made me feel like I was on egg shells during sex, like I could never really do what I wanted with her and she was always tense. I always know if I slept with another girl it would be better, but it wouldn't mean anything. I loved my gf and it was special to me.

 

I have just found out she has actually got another man, and has already slept with him. This sent me over the edge as I'm still in love with her, and I started to ask questions like was he better? bigger? Why is he better than me? etc etc. She said it was better with him, but only gave the reason as she fancies him and didn't fancy me. I don't get this. She did say she still gets pains, but it was much better. When I ask why, she just ignores me and doesn't tell me anything.

 

This is put my self esteem to zero and now I'm just thinking she has left me purely because he is better at sex than me. But I don't feel like I ever got chance to properly show her what I can be like, and I never will now. She will probably be thinking 'god, I've wasted 7 yrs with him! what have I been missing!'.

 

Any thoughts on this and how I can deal with this in my head? I'm at rock bottom at the moment.

[mactownman]

Brutal man. It is impossible to rationalize such behavior. She did not appreciate you and disrespected you. The only way to deal with this is reflection and time. It will suck, but take some time to think and get yourself back. Let the emotions flow over you but don't let them take you over. Just accept that she is not the one for you and move on. No contact forever.

[Alezia]

Women's sexuality is mostly tied to emotions. It is a bit natural that she will find sex more interesting - it's new and exciting with someone new. You get to feel those butterfly feelings and discover a new body.

It is a bit cruel on her part to share that excitement with you like if you were one of her girlfriends, when she clearly knows you aren't over her.

 

I would simply distance myself from her. Don't speak to her for a little bit if you cannot handle these comments.

[LDRohnos]

Ya that was a low blow on her part. Dropkick that....yeah.

[greywolf]

OP, first, don't ask questions like that. There is no answer that will make you feel better. If she had said that sex was better with you, then instead you'd be wondering what it is about you that she dislikes so much that she's choosing bad sex over you.

[shad3030]

I can understand why this would be so hurtful. You have to tell yourself that she doesn't deserve someone like you. For someone to have been there through the thick and the thin as you claim, it would be hard to swallow someone leaving in such a cruel manner. She, in some manner is trying to spare your feelings by not giving you anymore details which to me would be considered a blessing. I don't think you could take any more of the details as that would devastate you to the breaking point. Remain hopeful for the future, and always know that your chances of meeting someone else are close to 100%. You feel pain right now because your brain is trying to protect you and you should thank your brain. Actually do it, say "Thank you brain for protecting me. I get it!". Things will improve drastically as long as you keep a positive outlook and know that things will get better when you really want them to.

[HeartGoesOn]

I have just found out she has actually got another man, and has already slept with him. This sent me over the edge as I'm still in love with her, and I started to ask questions like was he better? bigger? Why is he better than me? etc etc. She said it was better with him, but only gave the reason as she fancies him and didn't fancy me. I don't get this. She did say she still gets pains, but it was much better. When I ask why, she just ignores me and doesn't tell me anything.

 

I'm sorry that your in this situation, but asking these type of questions will not solve anything. This seems to be more to do with the relationship no longer working, rather than her being with someone who is "bigger/better."

[zelder]

It may be easier said than done but my advise is to start looking forward toward the next girl. Have hope that there is someone out there for you and that you will find her and make it happen.

[Ariel85]

She just said that to hurt you. If it were true, she NEVER would have said it.

 

Telling a guy that the new guy is a better lover, is far worse than a guy calling a girl fat. lol. It's the one thing you just never say, even if it's true.

 

Which is why I don't think she's being honest.

 

Process it as her trying to hurt you, and nothing based in reality.

 

For the future, don't ask questions like this, though.

[thejigsup]

Not true. I've said this to guys before if they were stupid enough to ask, "Is the new guy better than me?" If he was, I was honest and answered yes. One guy had the nerve to tell me, "You'll never find another lover like me." I told him, "I sure hope not" Guys, don't ask us if you don't want to hear the truth. Plus, many of us girls do not have to have our feelings involved to enjoy sex. Now, the OP sounds like a good guy and I don't agree with how she did things, she was cruel, but you DID ask. Also, I have had that pain and it had a medical cause, I had cysts and it would really hurt during sex. So that has nothing to do with you. Next time, don't ask this question. I consider myself a great lover, but I know there is always going to be someone better in bed than me. It doesn't matter whether you are the best ever or if you are bad in bed, she left, and was pretty nasty about it. Move on.

[Alezia]

I kind of hope that when you get another boyfriend and have sex that your emotions are involved thejigsup One night stands are a completely other scenario!!

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that you were in the proper mindset to process things clearly when you heard her response. If you go and read what you wrote then you will see that the only reason that sex is better is because she "fancies" him. Second of all, it is not productive to ask questions like that. The relationship ended but what you need to do is get her out of your mind and going back and asking her question on her new sexual partner is only going to put you in a tailspin.