ATLstudent Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I have so many insecurities that run do deep inside me. I have a negative voice in my head alot, which tells me I can not accomplish anything...I can;t draw or paint, I have no talent, I have no ambition, I will go no where in my life, I will never love anyone or be loved, I have no work ethic, I have no ambition, I cant put work toward anything, I will never accomplish anything in my life, I will never do anything with my life, I have no talents, and I will never have talent, I will never be happy, and i will never be a respectable person....I am nothing, trash, and I will never utilitize anything I have because i cant. This voice haunts me.....as i was drawing today it over took me.....I was at a starbucks drawing, being fine for awhile, then this voice came and these familiar thoughts came to my mind.....and it stopped me from drawing. The drawing became overwhelming....it was too much work, and i could never do it. Over the last two semester of school i have been in an art program, and gotten all As in my classes, and recognize by professors for standing out in the crowd of other students. Drawing has been something i have had the ability for all my life, Painting has become a new found passion and my talents translated here as well. Yet the voice stops me in my tracks......Alot in life....Now that i think about it I can blame this voice for everything I dont like about life......Its this voice that ends everything for and has lead to many dark places......and kept me from seeing the light and experiencing the light, and sharing myself with others. I hate this voice with every inch of my body, I had its sound and its words......its posion and its going to kill me eventually. With relationships and girls I have had this heavily effected by this voice....Just to lay it all out this negative voice is in control of my life and has been for some time now....and it is the reason i have lived the life i have. It is overwhelming and powerful and it blinds out everything good when its around. But with girls this voice has completely stolen the show and stolen in love life or relationships from me. I dont know why its here when exactly it started or how to end it. Im stuck in it now in ways. I have trouble expressing anger or hate towards it because i am in it in certain ways.....and its that thing where u cant recognize or feel separate from something when your still in it. My life has true true potential artistically and socially.....I want to bring positivity to the world and make people happy.....i cant do that now......and i dont know where to begin the battle or how to fight it.......I feel truly stuck and like ive been help hostage by this for a long time. I recently dropped out of college, when the feeling came over me to drop out and move to the west coast to grow and rise as an artist. I have always wanted to pick up and move out west.....and felt my heart was pointing me there.....even though it was sad and emotional to drop school when i was doing good and liked my professors and classmates. I was better with all this while in school, my mind set was very clear at times, and i was very happy at times......not always...but very notably did not feel like this.....felt i could do things well and work hard and did, and did some great art work. Actually the best ive ever done.....and I never felt like this....or at least at such and infinite level, it was always something i could work through or felt it was possible.....Now i am back here Back where i was before i got back into school........and of course it makes me consider reenrolling in college....heres the thing...It seems like none of the insecurities or issues have gone anywhere since i got in school, like they were just muted.....I dont know if they cant be erased....i mean it is just going to be about building things around me in my life to forget about these insecurities...... Or where they truly gone while in school, but now back since i dont have the comfort and positive feeling i get from being in school. I feel lost at what to do. I need some help. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.