How do you free yourself from a narcissist

[justinfan12]

I have this fear that I will grow up to be like my mother.

She is incredibly self-interested and absorbed. She will go out of her way to stir up trouble in other peoples lives including hers, only to make herself look like the victim. She will purposely leave out key information in order to gain people's sympathies and make it seem as if people are the ones out to wrong/get her.

 

Because of her behavior, the majority of our relatives have alienated themselves from us. Because of my mother. And her outlandish antics. I have lost interest in her from a very young age, but just being around her and observing this all makes me question how anyone can really be manipulated by such a person?

 

One thing that holds true, is her inability to be happy for her own children. I can go on about this. But my mother is poison. I don't know how to deal with it. How do you free yourself from a narcissist? A very manipulative one at that?

 

There is no way to reason with her. Any attempt at this would result in heavy psychological manipulation on her part. Everyone in her eyes is the problem, never her. I am trying to move out but am facing quite a few issues due to my mother. I don't know how to escape her?

[shad3030]

I know exactly what you are going through because my Mom is a lot like what you describe. The key that I found to coping with it is to be empathetic to her because she is sick. Sick people need help and turning your back on them only makes things worse because they become that much more involved and disruptive in your life. Take time out of your day to talk to her and hear what she has to say. Although you might not agree with what she has to say, at least you are giving her the chance to speak her peace. It will ease the feeling of isolation because people become isolated when they have no one to talk to. She can only manipulate you if you let her and becoming angry towards her will only make things worse. Listen with an open ear and be cautious with your brain.

[meoww]

If you are at all dependent on her financially, it can cause more harm than good for you. If possible, don't take any gifts or financial support from her even after you move out.

 

Since she has alienated herself in her own family, surely you have a shoulder to cry on if you need it. If the entire family is toxic then I think it's best to cut ties despite how hard it is. You have to have nerves of steel when dealing with mothers like this, I definitely understand!! If you can muster that, then you may be able to maintain a relationship with her. Honestly though, people aren't going to judge you as harshly as you might think if you move on without her. I think many people understand what it's like. If possible, avoid the topic with people you don't know well if this is a concern.

 

When my mother starts her destructive tirades--I just tune out--this was really difficult at first but with much practice, I can say I'm able let it go in one ear and out the other.

 

Do not reason with her--at this point you just want to lay low until you can move out.