Stupid stupid stupid stupid boy!!!!!!

[Charingx1]

Ex dumped me after 1.5 years.. Says I was too insecure.. I was, she cheated on her ex of ten years at least 5 times. She then goes on a dating site three weeks after the split. I find out big argument plenty of vile begging and pleading from me. Eventually I go no contact 6 weeks ago. We work together but I've avoided work and hadn't seen her.

 

Now split up 4/5 months, nc 6 weeks. I go back to work last week she emails me. Asking about my life etc. I played it cool no relationship talk. She ends up coming down to find me on lunch and chat and a cuddle, chemistry there but then she has to go.

 

So there's stupid me thinking oh she may be interested. So I wasn't in Friday and today I text her checking she got the videos I sent. She says yes thanks. We have a brief text conversation and it's clear she is being pretty blunt so I say ok il leave u to it. She says yes see u next week at work.

 

So I put the feeler out to c if she was interested. She wasn't. She was obviously just fishing for info on my life or bored at work. Gutted.

 

Worst thing is I was healing I was ok now she has put me right back again. If she emails again what do I do? I don't want to be rude or her to hate me but I can't be her friend. Anyone got any examples of polite loving ways to say I can't be a friend? It hurts too much. It's sent me right back to waking up in the nite, wondering if she's met anyone etc etc.

 

Stupid stupid boy.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Does it really matter if she hates you? She sounds like a very selfish, nasty person. I wouldn't be loving to her in any way. If she comes down to see you at work then just tell her you are very busy and don't have time. When she contacts you by text just give one word answers. She will get the message. Cheaters and people who blow hot and cold don't take responsiblity for their actions, they usually accuse the other person of being insecure.

[Charingx1]

That's the tRouble I do care! I don't want her to have an easy way out as such Ie be able to forget me with hate. She's done that with ex partners, finds ways to hate them so she can move on. She's not getting that with me no way. Any advice guys?

[oO pd Oo]

If she accused you of being insecure (whether you are or not)... then she was placing blame outside herself (these people are usually not good relationship material)... and also did not accept you fully for who you are. If she did not fully accept you, then you are much better off without her. Crazyaboutdogs really has a point here my friend. Please... take a moment and ask yourself why you don't want her to find ways to hate you. What do YOU get out of that part? That almost speaks to the insecurity that you say you once had.

 

Wanting her to have an easy way out puts her at the focus. Reframe your stance and think about it as you taking the high road (then you are the focus). There are millions of ways to do that. As suggested by Cad... 1 word responses or tell her you are busy. I'd also suggest telling her what is likely the truth... that that you care about her... that you think the world of her... even after she ended it. Then tell her that you are trying to move on. Tell her one day you can be friends, but not right now.

 

But the best advice... is tell her nothing. Silence is golden.