ambrosia86 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Hi all, I'm new and I'm so glad I found this forum! The advice and support are great! Here's my story: My first real boyfriend broke up with me abut a month ago. It was a very non-traditional relationship and a loong (but interesting) story. Basically, I'm a grad student in a therapy field and we are required to do these clinical rotations in different settings. I was assigned to this younger guy who was receiving rehab for recovery from a stroke (he later became my boyfriend). My faculty supervisor was about the craziest, most unethical person you could ever find in any profession. From the get-go, she would sit in my sessions with him and flirt inappropriately. She prioritized him over other patients- even brought him food! Then one day she asked him for his cell phone (in front of me) and programmed her number into his phone and encouraged him to text her "for therapy". Now on to me- I was his assigned student clinician and honestly never thought of him as anything other than a patient. But then one day, my supervisor walks in and asks him why he hadn't been texting her. He then asked her if he could have my number and she encouraged me to give it to him (and it was OBVIOUS why he wanted it).. then he told her he wanted to take me on his motorcycle, and she acted like that was the best thing in the world. Fast forward, he starts texting me romantic messages. I honestly tried my best to hold off- and I did wait until I finished the semester rotation. But he had won me over before I even realized it and we started dating. Somehow my supervisor got wind of it, had a chat with me saying how happy she was for both of us and that he was a "great guy". She stressed how important it was that no one else in my class knew- for my reputation. She told me this about two days before she sat four students down and openly told them everything about me dating a former patient. Thus, my reputation has been destroyed and my entire class thinks I'm some kind of tramp (in grad school you pretty much have the same people in every class for two years). Meanwhile, things are getting pretty serious with my boyfriend. He had me coming over and spending time with his family (including son) and friends every weekend. We always had something fun planned to do every week and he never stopped telling me he loved me. When I found out what my former faculty supervisor was doing, he was so angry and hurt that I was going through this. So, I had a meeting with the chair of my program's department and told her everything- about me & my supervisor. She was already aware of me dating a former patient (supervisor told all faculty as well, obviously). My chair was so supportive and promised she would address my former supervisor's behavior. She also suggested the three of us- chair, supervisor, and me- have a "mediation" meeting.. so I could get an apology. The mediation meeting turned out to be an ambush on me. My supervisor literally started acting like a 5 year old and started asking me repetitive questions in a heated voice (like "What is wrong with THAT?!") when I asked her why she had discussed my personal life with students in my class. She then told me it was her "clinical decision" to do that and had no regrets. Not only that, but the chair called a meeting with all the faculty in my department and they decided I needed to be punished-- I was put under remediation and assigned lots of extra work (essay on ethics, research on ethics, etc., etc., etc.) I'm not saying I didn't rightly deserve this- but in my defense, my supervisor (who got off free and easy) encouraged me to date him! While this is going on, my boyfriend starts becoming meaner and meaner toward me. He acted like an unappreciative little jerk. I never made him feel bad or guilty about what was happening to me- I was obviously upset but I never blamed him for any of it. I thought I loved him- I thought he was worth the lost reputation, dealing with my crazy former supervisor.. I would have done anything for him, honestly. Then one day, out of the blue, he has his MOM (?!?) send me a text telling me that "i will always be special to him" but there's too much of an "age difference" and "lack of interests". I was crushed. Of course, that was a lame excuse. He wanted to play with me- I was his favorite toy for awhile. And then after all the sacrifice I went through, he got tired of me. Initially, I missed him so much. But the first thing I did was change my number and block him on facebook. NC is easy- he lives an hour away (oh and did I mention that I always drove the distance to see him?!). I can honestly say, I will probably never hear, see, nor speak to him again. Returning to school for fall semester was so hard- all of my original "friends" no longer speak to me. I'm not even sure why. But as days pass by, I realize that all the anger I harbor regarding this relationship is all with myself. I'm upset because I broke ethics and let that awful woman have influence over me. I'm upset because I dated the scum of the earth for three months. I thought about dropping out of school- especially that first day back when I sat in class and felt cold stares. Especially when another faculty member I have always been good friends with scolded me for dating my ex-boyfriend and told me "nobody cared about what caused me to do it- just that I did it". Especially since I had become accustomed to my boyfriend's company and missed him so much. I didn't even remember feeling this bad when my dad died (probably because of the sympathy I received) I'm slowly recovering- I am nearly finished with all of the remediation assignments I had to do because of him. I'm appreciative that I didn't get kicked out of grad school. I'm now realizing that he never loved me- and is probably incapable of love- and likewise, I never loved him the slightest bit. Actually, I hated him the entire time. I'll never understand why I was with him at all. There were the "I love yous" and hugs, kisses, and holding hands. But there were also the times he would speak to me as if I was an idiot or yell at me.. there was the time he started laughing like crazy as we watched his dog kill a kitten (I'm a huge cat lover and he knew it). There was the time he left me in his truck for 30 minutes while he went in his ex-wife's home to pick up his son and never came out. Was I possessed?? The break up was hard but now I'm so happy it's over. Yes, my reputation is still there but I'm graduating in May. My ex- psycho boyfriend is now receiving therapy from that wonderful former supervisor of mine again. After all the hell she put me through. But then again, he never cared about me anyway. If the two of them ever hook up, (she's currently a pastor's wife.. of course) that would be a match made in heaven. I hope that one day, I'll stop being so angry at myself for ever thinking I could think I love such a monster. I never thought I would be "one of those women".... Thanks for reading-- it's therapeutic to get this out to strangers! Link to comment
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