Are you supposed to take death threats lightly?

[justinfan12]

From anyone? My personality type is the chill kind.

I don't take most people seriously, but at the same time I do. So when someone says or does something

I'm okay with it just because I don't care. But if I notice a pattern I begin some heavy reflection and in comes my analytical self.. I have to see a major pattern (bad) in order to act.

 

But my question is.. if anyone ever says stuff along the lines of "I will kill you" if you do X.. should you take them seriously? If this is happening more than once?

 

Should you all in all take these things seriously?

[PhilliesFan001]

Depends on who is saying it, the tone, the conversation, etc. it's not a nice thing to ever say, but I'm sure we all have. For example today at lunch a friend kept stealing my french fries. I said "If you take another fry I'm soo gonna kill you." Stupid but harmless.

 

It's kinda up to you to determine the seriousness based on the context.

 

Can you give a specific example? Is this in dating because your boyfriend said it to you?

[Capricorn3]

If I hear that several times over weeks/months, by the same person, then yes, I would start to think not all is well. I would be very wary and possibly just end it and move on. I don't put up with such crap, lol.

 

That said, I think we need more info. How often does this happen? What are the circumstances? Is he kidding/joking? Does it sound a lot more serious? What is his mood when he says these things?

[SpottiOtti]

Justinfan, you need to ditch this guy.

 

Seriously. I have read some of your threads, and this is ridiculous. What do you want us to tell you, after all this? Stay with him when he's controlling and has now progressed to death threats?

[justinfan12]

I've had people say it to me. Like you described in a teasing ha ha kind of way. A friend will sometimes say, "Oh man I'm gonna kill you if you don't come with me!" or "Haha wow I will totally kill you if you get the same dress!"

 

That seems harmless right? I know it sounds bad I don't want to bring my boyfriend into this. But I have noticed little things he says. It's weird. I don't tell people I will kill them. He says it though. But I shouldn't worry right? He doesn't sound angry or aggressive when he says it. In a calm tone.

 

"I will kill you if you cheat on me." "I will kill you if you leave me." I sound dumb right now but he jokes around a lot that's how we are but lately I've been hearing that "joke" a lot. I can't tell if it's serious or not. He says it when we are alone together. I just visited him we watched a movie it was good and then he says it. He's been saying it on average 3 times a week. And then we will go back to talking about non serious stuff. It's just something that stuck out to me don't know if I should make a big deal. I asked my friend about it he said "No that's just a way guys say things when they really like a girl. It's a veteran move." I was like what? I don't tell people this at all.

 

And, I hear my guy friends say it to. But I think its a joke. Like "Hey help me out here or I'll kill you." It's a joke right?

[SpottiOtti]

What???? It's a joke to say something like, "If you cheat on me I will kill you." ??????

 

If you're okay with this, and think it's a joke, I don't know what to tell you . . . But I don't think you do, cause you posted here. And have been posting here about this guy. You know there's something not right here, and you aren't doing anything about it.

 

What do you want us to say??

[justinfan12]

Should you take any of this lightly? Even if your friends say it to you?

"I will kill you b****"

 

Do people think this is a humorous way of interacting with others? I just mean in general if someone says something like that, should you question their motives? If a friend also tells you "I will beeping kill you if you tell (insert name here)"

Is that something you should take with a grain of salt? I don't want to make a fuss about something if it's really nothing.

 

Can you take anyone who says these things seriously?

[Capricorn3]

"I will kill you if you cheat on me." "I will kill you if you leave me." I sound dumb right now but he jokes around a lot that's how we are but lately I've been hearing that "joke" a lot. He's been saying it on average 3 times a week. I can't tell if it's serious or not. He says it when we are alone together.

To me, that is way different than joking about other harmless things. The bolded parts imply a more controlling aspect (imo). I would be wary of this guy.

[justinfan12]

What???? It's a joke to say something like, "If you cheat on me I will kill you." ??????

 

If you're okay with this, and think it's a joke, I don't know what to tell you . . . But I don't think you do, cause you posted here. And have been posting here about this guy. You know there's something not right here, and you aren't doing anything about it.

 

What do you want us to say??

I don't know if that's a joke. That's why I am asking. Do people think that's a joke? Or is that a common expression that gets tossed around? Like "I'm so depressed" when you really aren't depressed. Or "my life sucks" when your life really doesn't suck, you were just having a minor glitch in your day? Is this a common expression used by people is what I am also wondering..

 

My question was general though. If anyone says they will kill you if you do x should you distance

yourself from them? What if your friend tells you that?

[petite]

There is a big difference between a friend saying "Oh man I'm gonna kill you if you don't come with me" and a boyfriend (or girlfriend) saying "If you cheat on me, I'll kill you." I would be pretty careful and turned of if a guy said that to me.

[SpottiOtti]

If my friend says, "I saw that dress first, if you buy it I'll kill you!" I'd probably be like, "Slow down, twister. It's just a dress."

 

Would I ditch her as a friend? No. She's my friend. If she gets ridiculous, I just stop hanging out with her as much, or I call her on it. Also, saying that about a dress is trivial, and obviously a joke.

 

Your BF saying "If you cheat on me I'll kill you" ? Well, have you ever watched Forensic Files? This is a statement that could be indicative of a larger problem, or could even be foreshadowing for things to come. It's completely different. I said what I said in the last post because you implied that your guy friends told you it was just a joke that your BF said this. I would NOT take it as a joke, and I would NOT be okay with it. Especially given all the other crap you've been saying about him. This guy is controlling and emotionally abusive, to hear you describe him.

 

So, as another poster stated above, it's all about context. Does that answer your question?

[Mesemene]

But I shouldn't worry right? He doesn't sound angry or aggressive when he says it. In a calm tone.

 

Honestly? I'd worry MORE, not less.

 

And here's why. This isn't impulsive, or out of a rash moment of anger. It's calm, it's deliberate.

 

Almost everyone can think of something they've said when their emotions are running hot that they didn't mean literally. We've all done it, we're human, not saints. But that's driven by emotion, in the height of anger, sadness, or despair.

 

Not so many when it's calm, deliberate, and repetitive. This means it's said with thought.

 

It's like the difference between average Joe coming home, finding his wife in bed with another man, and beating the snot out of him to within an inch of his life - and a guy looking at someone, and planning on ambushing the poor schmuck for some imagined slight, following him for a month to know where he's going to be and when - and waiting for him after work and beating the crap out of him.

 

It takes some real ruthlessness and cold to be able to make a threat like that with a clear mind and conscience.

 

This doesn't give me a red flag - it starts the air raid sirens screaming and my head shouting "run, run, run!"

[Miss Firecracker]

I wouldn't waste a minute thinking about it.

 

My husband has never said that ONCE in 30 years.

[Stay_home]

Really depends on what context it was said under, tone and who said it. I agree with Petite.

[DylanNotorious]

I think you'll be sweet. Just ring the cops if he tries to kill you. Keep the phone with you when he starts making threats.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, I think that since you call them death threats they worry you. If I wasn't worried, I would say "Oh my bf jokes all the time about this or that." The way you present it shows your own concern.

 

What does your therapist say?

[Alezia]

I've gotten out of a relationship with a guy simply due to that fact - extreme jealousy, threats, anger, controlling etc... Don't take that as a joke, please.

[browneyedgirl36]

Oh wow. Yeah. BIG difference between a friend saying, "If you buy the same dress as me, I'll kill you!" and your boyfriend calmly saying, "If you cheat on me, I'll kill you." Especially if he's said stuff like that more than once.

 

You should be worried. I would be. And, based on everything else you've written about this guy, I'd be REALLY worried. People whose heads are on straight don't say stuff like that.

[Kitten love]

THIS is exactly what I felt when I read your post. Almost chilling to hear he sounds "calm" when he makes these threats.. you need to get out NOW.