Alezia Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I seem to be experiencing terrible mood swings around the family lately, notably the boyfriend. We don't spend much time doing anything together outside family functions, or if we have planned some activity to do with the kids outside the house. I'm not looking to blame him, but it just seems like everything he does pisses me off. They are not really situations to get mad about, and normally I wouldn't react so much, but I am having a hard time. Perhaps I've just been dismissing them for too long? Example of things he did this week which pissed me off: Instead of using the knife I put right beside the hummus, he just puts his fingers right into it and sucks it off. And when I get angry (which he knows I hate), he says 'You think with your stomach, not with your head'. Our hamster died last week of heat exhaustion because he left it outside all day. The cage had gotten some fruit flies into it, but he never took it back inside before he went to take a nap. Once I found him, I noticed he moved a bit and took him back in. He was obviously in almost dead conditions, so I told him that maybe we should end his suffering. He kept on mocking me and telling me that the hamster is not dead, it's sleeping like hamsters do. It took him like a few days to get rid of the hamster, but the cage is still sitting outside my house... He never cooks or cleans up after himself after a meal, and I'm getting tired of doing it. I'm tired of doing all the grocery shopping and all the other shopping for him to complain that I spend too much. It really angers me that I need to do the majority house upkeep. He will start a wash for dishes or clothes once in a while, but it just seems that he doesn't pull his weight - and when I confront him he just tells me to stop picking up myself. He never asks for stuff, he just barges it in disrupt whatever I am doing. I'm tired of never receiving anything sexually except for intercourse or random boob gropes which are starting to get on my nerves. I'm not even sure when is the last time we made out. He still expects oral of course. He has terrible terrible mood swings when he is angry. Screaming, punching items, curses etc... I had to go buy him car seats for his car, else he would keep driving the kids around just like that. I gave him about 1 month, which is incredibly insane if you consider how unsafe it is. Part of me is really really annoyed with him, and while it's bad stuff he's always done, I just can't seem to take it anymore. I'm trying to hold it together, but I'm not sure what to do. Is it just a phase because work is putting me under more pressure recently? (I'm supposed to take on another 5 employees in the next week). He obviously knows I am annoyed with him, as he's asked if I wanted to leave by the door. He has pros also, but I just can't see them right now. The only thing that I am positively seeing is that he brings in money, and that he can distract the children for 20-30 minutes to give me a breather. I don't think it's fair to him to be that frustrated against him. Should I ride this one out? If so, how long? Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Why don't you imagine he died....would you be sad? Miss him? If the answer is yes, realize you have probably become very comfortable with each other and you are taking out a bit of your own frustrations on him. Don't do anything rash, maybe when you wake up in the morning be thankful for all his positive traits-even write them down. In other words, change your perspective. He isn't cheating, just acting like a guy. My ex used to leave messes everywhere, leave all the doors unlocked with my home office and confidential information at risk, trip the alarm at least once a week, leave pubes in the tub, change plans every 5 minutes, lose his wallet once a month..what else??? Don't give up just yet....these are not major issues. Link to comment
badcat3 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 You have children together? I think you should wait it out until the work stress subsides. You said he knows you're annoyed with him but does he know why? If not I'd say give him a chance to work on himself. (Sorry about your hampster.) Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Tell him? I get nothing done being pissed at my boyfriend and he has no idea why. I have to be super specific about what I want from him and I do have to keep reminding myself that he can't read my mind. Things that are SO obvious to me aren't to him at all. Since it puts tension on the relationship (mostly I feel bad asking him to do XYZ because I am a people -pleaser and it stresses me to ask) we have decided that I will do the majority of the house work and cooking and he does the majority of paying for things - dinners out, groceries, etc. There is obviously an unbalance in the amount of weight you're pulling, you might have to talk to him to figure out a way to even it out before you snap (and ohhhhhh will you ever!) Link to comment
DN Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Most of those situations you described are things that would make most people angry - I think he is to blame for them and needs to take responsibility for them. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 As long as he doesn't double dip the chip... Yeah I'd be pretty embarrassed to be quite honest if I did those things. Just "remind" him in the way only women know how to do. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Sounds like your partner is getting lazy. It's a shame but I often see this happening in relationships after a few years or so. The issue to be addressed is his worth of the family. I can imagine it to be really hard, when there is no feeling of something very important to them to lose. Link to comment
petite Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Has he always been like this or is it just starting to irritate you more now? Everything you've posted is valid and would bother most people, and in such a situation I would only stay with him if he agreed to work on these issues, pull his share and really make a change. I think you need to really have a talk with him, and explain all your frustrations, I'd even go as far as suggesting counseling if there are other issues within the relationship. If he is unwilling to work on these issues and thinks that everything is fine, then I'd leave. Link to comment
Alezia Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 Thanks for all the responses! You guys provided some good answers to start my thought process. I think what bothers me most is that he has a hard time accepting the issues that anger me as something he should work on. He's suggested that there are things he doesn't like which I do, but that he doesn't "force me to work on them because I couldn't uphold that end of the deal". I've asked him to give me a list, and while there were a few, I don't feel like they were on the same scale. I feel like my issues for the most part are some that impact the life of others - dead hamster, children's security, adding responsibility to others etc.... where as his are more in the personal preferences category. He doesn't like the way I choose to wash my clothes, he doesn't like that I often indulge in heavy-calorie foods (I'm slightly bigger (less than 10lbs) and less fit, then when we met) etc... I suppose there might be an impact on him at the end of the day, I just don't feel like they are on the same level. Although I am tempted just to run away from them I admit, I know it's simply a matter of working on them. At this point, I feel I should work on those issues, and if he doesn't feel like participating at all, then it's fairly obvious it will not work out. I'll give him that benefit, and we shall see where it goes. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'm sorry to hear this. I think most things on that list would bother me - esp the dead hamster bit. I don't see that as being "lazy", I see that as animal neglect/abuse. If he had done that to a baby, he'd be in jail right now. Heat stroke is a bad way to go. I can't believe that someone would be so freaking careless and heartless to let that happen, and then not even have the BALLS to admit it when you pointed it out. Shame on him. If I were in your position, I would have been VERY upset over that. I think he is getting lazy. I think he's being neglectful, inconsiderate, and lazy. I think you need to have a talk with him. Link to comment
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