Do Open Relationships Work?

[WhenWillILove]

Let's say 2 people are doing long distance, like, really long distance ~ twice a year meet ups.

Anyone done open relationships in such situations?

I think for emotional people, particularly people that are looking for serious relationships, it doesn't work out.

But for cheaters, maybe younger people, it might. Depending on what people want out of a relationship.

 

Stories? Personal experiences?

[Moontiger]

My ex boyfriend suggested this kind of arrangement before we broke up. I was very offended by it. Like you said, it depends who the two people view relationships and what is considered cheating to them.

 

I have known people who have tried to make this kind of arrangement work. All of those relationships went down in a glorious ball of fire.

[Day_Walker]

I think that open relationships can work but considering the mainstream views about what is appropriate in relationships most poeple wont be able to handle them.

[LDRohnos]

It depends on the two people involved. Personally, I would never be in one.

[DylanNotorious]

I would never be in one either. I don't believe in them.

[LDRohnos]

Basically OP, if you have any doubts or reservations AT ALL about this I would not okay it.

[quirky]

Well if it's twice a year meet ups it's not a relationship, it's 2 one night stands in my opinion. Depends on the connection you have with this person. Eventually you will both meet someone else and it will fizzle out. Maybe it's ok if you see it as what it is and don't invest emotionally. I had a FWB once when I was younger and it worked out fine.

[tiredofvampires]

But for cheaters, maybe younger people, it might. Depending on what people want out of a relationship.

 

I don't think relationships of any kind "work" for people who cheat. So that's kind of a weird thing to say.

 

If there is a mutual understanding that it's an open relationship and you aren't deceiving anyone, that's not cheating.

 

I think it depends what you mean by "work" -- does the relationship "work", meaning, do you stay with the person and does the relationship endure even with the distance and seeing other people?

 

I think that such a thing would not have more than a rare chance of "working," if that's your definition. I don't have personal experience to back that statement up, only experience of being in a monogamous long-distance relationship. And that's hard enough.

 

I think the issue here is level of commitment to the relationship -- not age or any other factor. If you are a monogamy-minded person, but feel the distance is such a strain that you can't stretch to keep it going without exploring other options, or enjoying other intimate experiences (which, if they get serious, will have an advantage over the LDR), then it really comes down to your not being as invested in the LDR as you are in just getting your immediate needs met, seeing who best fits that bill, and leaving room for the LDR not to pan out if something else closer works.

[sadchick83]

If you are in a very distant relationship and only see each other twice a year, and you are considering being open, can you really call the subject relationship anything more than a bi-annual hook up?

 

I think it would be quite rare to find two compatible people who are also ok with being open....Most people think they can handle it, then end up combusting.

[studcantel]

Depends on what you're looking for in the local hookup. If you're simply looking for sex, I think it's possible provided you're someone who can easily separate sex from any sort of emotional attachment. Personally, I can't do that. I don't know too many people who can. But if you're someone who can, then more power to you. Bring it up and see if it's kosher.

 

More often than not, though, I'd say the gap-filler becomes the primary, and you lose the need and motivation to deal with the distance obstacle with your actual boyfriend or girlfriend. Think of it more as a soft break up and you simply finding someone else.

 

It takes a very rare kind of person to be able to sorta share love like that, or separate sex from feelings which and allow one to maintain that attachment to their significant other. The odds of your current partner being the same way just by chance is much more rare. I think whenever something like this works out, it's when the relationship explicitly starts with that understanding. Otherwise, one or the other, or both, end up hurting.