Opinions on male chastity play? (tease and denial)

[shelbymustang_fan]

I"m just looking for thoughts on the topic, as it has recently started to intrigue me. The people here seem to be from average backgrounds....and seem to have great advice. Anyway, I am recently married, and my wife has never had a very strong sexual desire...she would be happy just cuddling all the time and rarely has desire for doing anything beyond that. I on the other hand have a strong desire for sexual activities and exploration. I usually orgasm almost everyday whether it being with her help, or on my own, and I enjoy it. But I have wondered if it would be more intense and pleasurable if I could go for several days or a week between orgasms, but, like most guys, I simply don't have the will power to make it that long.

 

I have very subtly started to introduce this idea to her as follows. During our honeymoon, (she was on her period of course) I told her that I have been getting excited (our word for orgasm) too often, and that it takes a lot of my energy, and that it should be saved for her. I told her that I want her to control how, how often, and when I get excited, and she agreed to give it a try. She agreed that she should be the only one allowed to pleasure me, and that I should not be allowed to do so. So our little GAME began, and yes we treat it only as a game, nothing strict or serious. We set minimum restrictions for the game. for starters that we will have sex no less than twice a week, and that she would allow me to be excited one other time during each week. It will be up to her when this happens in each 7 day period.

 

This started about 2 weeks ago, and she is kind of playing along. She will take authority and actively participate just before bed each night, but it is all but forgotten about during the day. I was hoping and trying to get her to take an active role during the day too ... even if it be that she teases or reminds me of the rules and that she doesn't want me to break them... but so far, I can't get her to participate much...only just before bed.

 

Anyway, she said she likes playing our game, and that it does appeal to her. I'm just wondering if I should go as far as suggesting we get a chastity belt with a key to enhance this game or if that sounds totally crazy? Part of me thinks that it would help keep her mind more focused on being the dominant player in the game, and even keep her more focused on our sex lives in general. I also think it would help me not cheat...because this does take a tremendous amount of will power. Any opinions or thoughts would be appreciated.

[DN]

Whatever works for people if they are both in agreement.

[rosephase]

You should look into fetlife. It's an on-line bdsm community. Because that is what you are talking about. It sounds like you are a submissive and you would like your wife to top you (So that it can feel sexual to you but doesn't put pressure on her for sex if she isn't interested) on fetlife you'll find a lot of people doing all sorts of things it's a great place to ask for advice or get ideas about your own play.

 

[SongCoyote]

Great answer, rosephase! I agree wholeheartedly.

 

Sounds like you hit the jackpot: you've discovered a fun fetish *and* someone who is Good, Giving, and Game (GGG - thanks, Dan Savage!) to indulge it with you. Lucky!

 

Orgasm denial (as a subset of Dominance and submission play) is not uncommon at all, and can be done with either gender. The methods you've used are great for ongoing "gentle" play, and I'm glad you have worked them out so well with your wife. Here are a few thoughts about it to help you both stay on track and continue to have a happy, successful sex life:

 

1. Be cautious about taking this kind of power play outside the bedroom. Not everyone is up to living the "lifestyle" (full time top or bottom) and taking that step should be done carefully, with a lot of two-way communication and carefully obtained consent from both parties beforehand. This isn't because it's wrong (far from it; I'm kinky as heck) but because you never want to put either of you in a position where you're uncomfortable with the power exchange or feel like you're doing it just to please the other (i.e. not because you really want to). A certain amount of compromise is okay - and it sounds like that's where you're at now - but be sure to check the lay of the land before venturing further.

 

2. If you do get consent - happy, willing, playful, and generous consent - then by all means, go for the hard stuff. Chastity belt, command words (you should already have a safe word), teasing without release in semi-public places - there are lots of ways to make this game fun. FetLife is a pretty good place to explore possibilities, but just as in #1, the best place to explore them is with your sweetie.

 

3. Keep on communicating even when things seem to be going well. Check in from time to time, make sure you're both happy with what you're doing, and always be willing to change the dynamic if either of you need it. If you come up against a hard limit (no, I really won't do that, even for you) then respect it. Don't badger to get it changed. It might on its own, but it might not, and you need to accept that or move on to someone else (not what I would hope for, of course, but if it's that important...).

 

There's lots more, but that should get you going. If you want you can PM me for more info. Good luck, have fun, act with compassion for yourself and her, and make sure you hold back when told to

 

Light and laughter,

SongCoyote

[shelbymustang_fan]

Thank you everyone for the input. I'm not really seeking an online community for others interested in similar play. I only want to keep this between the two of us. SongCoyote makes some excellent points...especially #1. The actual whole-hearted lifestyle has little appeal to me. The idea only intrigues me for purposes of playing, and not to give her power or leverage over my everyday life . We are only having fun with it, and we constantly communicate to make sure we are comfortable and having fun. I just wasn't sure if I was crazy for thinking of such a thing, and I can't decide whether to bring it up yet. I may wait til we do our current arrangement a while longer to make sure she is comfortable before I suggest such an idea.

[greywolf]

If you're wife is not naturally dominant, it is possible that she may resent you wanting her to take charge all the time. I think you should talk to her about what you want, because it sounds like you may be slowly pushing her in a direction she is not interested in.

[Miss Kitty]

What is the appeal of NOT being allowed to orgasm? Especially if this is causing you to want to cheat as you said. I don't get the whole idea of it honestly. If I don't masturbate or get laid at least twice a day, I'm a * * * * * to deal with. I can't understand how you deal with this, but I guess if it's your thing, you could ask her. Maybe she'd buy you one for Christmas if you ask her.

[Day_Walker]

I think that game itself is harmless and if that is what you two are into the feel free. However, what concerns me is does that this "game" extend into real life because that I have some reservations about.