Would it really bother you if she can't orgasm?

[pinecone]

I'm 22 and I've never orgasmed. I really enjoy sex, I love the sensations and the closeness, but I've just never finished. I've only slept with one guy - My last relationship was 3 years, and after I faked once I got caught in a trap of always faking to spare his feelings which i hated.

 

I used to not enjoy masturbating, but I've just got a vibrator and I'm starting to really relish it. I'm still working out what feels good, and I think it will take me some time.

 

I've been seeing someone new for the first time in a long time since a messy break-up, and things are starting to get pretty heavy. How would you react if your girlfriend said she hadn't yet climaxed? And girls, has anyone been a late bloomer? Any tips? I feel a bit childish for missing out on this important experience.

[LaKings55]

I'm a guy and I rarely orgasm from sex either, needless to say a few girls have been distraught at that fact.

[LDRohnos]

I used to not enjoy masturbating, but I've just got a vibrator and I'm starting to really relish it. I'm still working out what feels good, and I think it will take me some time.

 

Yeah the first part of sexuality is understanding your own. After that it you can tell HIM what gets you off and you won't need to fake it! Good luck!

[Day_Walker]

If a girl told me that she had never orgasmed, I would be concerned. I would then ask follow up questions to see what the problem has been.

[Mr Man]

I'm Mr Man and I am a man!

 

Well, it's more fun when a woman can orgasm. But, from what I've gathered, some women just can't! So I've read, the positioning of the clitoris relates to sensitivity and the ability to orgasm.

 

If you physically can't orgasm, then that's that. Just tell him so! Be honest! It definitely wouldn't be an issue to me if a woman physically COULDN'T orgasm, I wouldn't be put off in the least. But if she faked it, I think (HOPE!!!) I'd be able to tell and that would put me off A LOT!

 

Sex is definitely at it's best when a couple have total comfort and openness about what each other like and want (and when you're both generous!). My last woman was very self-conscious (but she could orgasm quite easily, for the record) and I managed to break down those barriers and make her feel total comfort over time. She was particuarly self-conscious about how her vagina looked and was reluctant to let me see it at all, at first. Long (and perhaps explicit!) story short, with reassurance and gradual advancements she was loving and craving for me to kiss her in her most beautiful, special place!

 

I think you should playfully tell your man that you've never orgasmed and tell him you bought a vibrator! Tease him, I bet he'd LOVE to see you pleasure yourself with it! The idea of doing it infront of your man may sound daunting at first, but TRUST ME, he'd LOVE LOVE LOVE it - it would be nothing but a good thing. Doing NATURAL and BEAUTIFUL things like with each other breaks down the barriers, will liberate you both and enhance your intamacy on different levels. And, when a man sees how you like to touch yourself, he learns

 

play about, have fun, be open, be honest!

 

Edit: Perhaps you can orgasm and you just haven't commited yourself enough! This might be fun: tell him the truth, that you've never orgasmed but you want to see if you can! Playfully ask him if he's up to the challenge! You'll find it easier to make yourself orgasm than he'll find it to make you orgasm becuase you know the best rhythem and level of touch that's best for you, but try it together! Maybe you could sit/lay between his legs with your back facing/ leaning into him and play with yourself while he caresses your body, whispers in your ear and kisses your neck. RRRRRAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

[zelder]

Sex is a fundamental part of marriage. When you are young and in a fresh new relationship it's easy to say you love sex and the closeness but after three kids and 10 years it's probably a different story for girls like you. I know a lot of men enjoying their sexless marriages to women who don't orgasm. Personally, I would not marry a girl who does not masturbate and feel a powerful urge to get that release from the orgasm.

 

On the flip side I know a girl who was an avid masturbator growing up and she married a guy who didn't feel the need to masturbate. Their marriage is not sexless but she's pretty frustrated with her situation. So it goes both ways.

[thejigsup]

All women, unless they have had their clitoris removed, can orgasm. It's not that hard with a man who knows what he is doing. Just relax! It's one of the most natural things in the world and I don't really understand why some women say they can't. We are biologically made to orgasm, so learn how and enjoy yourself!

[AnswersPlease]

As long as the girl was open with me from the very beginning it wouldn't bother me.

 

If she had been faking for a long time and then told me I would be a bit upset.

[annony]

I don't think orgasm is imperative to a good sexual experience, but it sure is fun!

My advice:

Don't hinge sex on having an orgasm, it's about bonding, and closeness and sharing a moment. It still feels good without it. Relax and enjoy sex for what it is.

BUT

Don't write off the possibility of having an orgasm. If you have it in your head that it's not ever going to happen, it probably wont. Keep experimenting with your body, and with your partner to find out what feels better to you.

 

My Prediction:

As you and your partner become more comfortable with each other's bodies, and with your own bodies, and you learn to relax and have fun more together, you will be able to orgasm.

[mfan]

I'm 22 and I've never orgasmed. I really enjoy sex, I love the sensations and the closeness

I would imagine that if a girl really likes sex and the sensations and the closeness and she likes being close with me, then I would have no problem if she never orgasms. But only if she tells me and doesn't try to fake it - yuk.

[champagne69]

All women, unless they have had their clitoris removed, can orgasm. It's not that hard with a man who knows what he is doing. Just relax! It's one of the most natural things in the world and I don't really understand why some women say they can't. We are biologically made to orgasm, so learn how and enjoy yourself!

 

When I couldn't orgasm, no matter how hard my boyfriend tried, I got very frustrated. I did a lot of reading on it and found that in order for a female to orgasm, she really needs to mentally be in the right mind set. So I disagree, a man may know what he is doing and be excellent, but sometimes it just may not be possible, especially if a woman is thinking about orgasm. When I still hadn't, and thought about it, I could tell I was never got there.

 

It wasn't until I had full trust and openess with my boyfriend that I started to really just let go and drown in the moment and the pleasure. Felt every move and what really turns me on, is feeling his dedication to give me pleasure. And in so letting go, getting the thoughts out of my head of how I'd never had an orgasm and worrying that it's going to upset him, it finally happened.

 

Ever since, everytime he gives me oral sex I orgasm. And after the first, I ask him to stop to get a breathe. He gives me about ten seconds and then tells me I've rested enough and goes back at it till I orgasm over and over. Ah. It really is an amazing thing, so I really hope you experience it!

[greywolf]

A lot of women have never had an orgasm. You're not alone. And there will be plenty of guys willing to help you out with that, but drop the ones that take it personally.

[SpottiOtti]

I didn't orgasm with a man until I was 22. The problem was that I didn't feel I deserved to ask the man to dedicate time to my clitoris. (Oral is the only way for me.) So I pretended to orgasm. Then I found a man who was really intent on pleasing me for real, and I learned to relax and tell him what I needed. I have not been in a significant relationship since where I had to fake an orgasm. In fact, I refuse to fake an orgasm. I learned to be really honest about what I needed, right from the beginning. And every single guy has been totally dedicated to the "mission". Ha ha.

 

So, find what you need to orgasm, and let your partner know it. I promise there's a very good chance he will not only be happy to hear what gets you off, but will also do whatever it takes to do so.

[Mesemene]

I had difficulty reaching orgasm for a LONG time. Fortunately for lucky me, I have a husband who doesn't mind using Buzzy Jr. on me or during sex - or oral, or other methods - and as I've relaxed more, they come easier.

 

I was, oh man, over 30 before I hit the "Big O" - having a guy who encouraged me to figure out what would do it made all the difference!

 

A lot of women have never had an orgasm. You're not alone. And there will be plenty of guys willing to help you out with that, but drop the ones that take it personally.

 

Absolutely agree with this too.

[Lonewing]

Yeah I'd be bothered, but then I'm of the persuasion that suggests that if you have a clitoris, you can have an orgasm. If you can have an orgasm from a vibrator, you can have one from oral. And if you can have an orgasm from oral, you can have an orgasm via penetration. How? If you stimulate the clitoris against the lower abdomen of your partner upon full penetration [there is a bone there made just for it to rub against!!], you can achieve orgasm from sex too. It may not be the same thing as a g-spot orgasm, but it's an orgasm nonethesless and I'm sure most won't know the difference if they never have the latter. But you will not have an orgasm until you figure out how it happens, internally - and indeed, there's a strong mental connection - either a mental drive that pushes it, or perhaps a strong mental block preventing in. Either way, once you get it, practice will no doubt make the most of any external stimulous.

 

The difficulty for women is the fact that you weren't born with a sex organ you could hold and ponder for 10-15 years before you figure out how it works - and then it's so much more compact and hidden it's pretty well a mystery until you figure it out. Should we throw in the societal conditioning that says it's bad and condemable for women and girls to embrace their sexuality?

 

But I do believe every woman who commits to it will get it eventually. Even if it takes getting it by not thinking it...that's an interesting vantage point!

 

Why is it so important? Having felt the female orgasm, I do not believe there is anything that can replicate the sensation. It feels completely Awesome from my point of view, so I can only imagine how it feels on the other end. To be able to give another person that kind of pleasure is quite simply divine.

 

There was something interesting about my ex...first time I was with her we felt "the ground move." It was brief and almost like hearing someon outside - "did you hear that? - "I don't know -did you???!" Now she said she hadn't had that happen before unless she was on top, and I do not know if she was lying or not, but I do know we went on to really enjoy the ground moving in the weeks that followed and throughout the next 2.5 years. And as for faking it, well, there is no faking the effect we had on the sheets...hence why I religiously made sure the matress had a waterproof liner...