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New guy here, my story .....


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Hi all, glad I found this site.


Ok, here is my story (I'll make this shorthand for now lol). Been with the same lady since 1985. Everything went very smoothly, in fact we were the envy of all our friends for many years until my company required me to do some traveling in 2000. In 2005 she dumped my ass right after a Memorial Day vacation (how appropriate huh), apparently she’s been having an affair/s since 2001. I bought a home a few weeks later, kept my address a secret, deleted her phone numbers and changed my cell phone number so she could not contact me. Close to a year went by with NC and I felt almost completely healed till one day, she showed up at my door. Normally I would have shut the door in her or any woman’s face (I don’t put up with unfaithful partners) but she literally jumped on me, almost knocked me over and told me how much she missed me and loved me, blah, blah, blah. I thought I was strong enough at that point to except her on a friendship only basis but one thing led to another and eventually we were seeing each other intimately again. My bad!


Fast forward to today, she’s been asking me to move back in with her for years. Unwillingly over the years (against my better judgment) I fell in love with her all over again, despite me knowing full well that there probably would be a 99 percent chance that she would pull the same stint again sooner or later. Anyways, I was supposed to move back in with her 2 weekends ago. The Fri. morning prior, I decided to drop by and surprise her with some morning coffee and treats. Well guess what? Caught her on the computer on one of the dating sites planning a get together. I was shocked but not surprised if you catch my drift, I always suspected/expected she would pull this crap on me again.


Anyways I stood there speechless for about 10 minutes, said a few words (some not too pretty lol) then turned around and left. Last night for some crazy reason she called me and started telling me detailed stories of all the dates she’s been on lately. I calmly listened without interrupting even though it was tearing my heart apart, wished her good luck on the dating site/s and hung up on her. Was able to get about 2 hours sleep, got out of bed, made a coffee and proceeded to delete her phone numbers again. Last weekend I woke up on Sunday morning to find her sisters number on my cell phone. This was really odd since the only time her family calls me is for an emergency. I thought long and hard about returning the phone and after about 12 hours I decided to call her sister back just in case it really was an emergency. Well, she never did return my call.


It will be 2 weeks today that I guess would be the end of our relationship. It's ben one hell of a rollercoaster ride so far, but I'm determined to sticking with NC and getting my life back in order ASAP.

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Some what the same situation. Knew her since 1986, married in 90, kid 92, 95 she is out cheating, get divorced, she comes back, fall inlove with her again( hell she wouldnt do it again would she??), buy a nice house, all is great. Acting odd in 2010, sure enough Nov1 2010 I check the cell bill, and you know what I found. Kicked her out, actually my 18yr old did LOL. Divorced again.


At first it was hard, lost my best friend but now I actually like it. Dating around, make my own decisions, she never comes to see her 13 yr old boy so I never see her anymore. Its somewhat exciting knowing that the best thing in the world could be around that corner any day now.

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Thanks so much for the welcome jawalk and In The Cold. It's tough times for sure especially this blasted 1st month. Still in the denial and g rieving stages. Taking baby steps right now in my road to recovery. I'll make sure to look for SuperDave's posts as well.

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Welcome to ENA.


Isn't strange how these selfish and heartless people can pull us back in like they do?


The best thing you can do is heal up again and find a women that is not a selfish user. You dodged a huge bullet on this one. I wonder if in your subconciuos the surprise coffee wasn't a last minute test.......that she failed.


Best wishes


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Hi tmtex! Yeah, I feel like an idiot taking her back after our 1st breakup. Following the NC rule back then I was able to feel pretty normal again in a pretty short period of time. This go round feels much tougher though. I know things will get better in time, it just sux right now lol.

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Hi lostandhurt. I think you nailed it. I was always very hesitant to move back in with my ex since she dumped me the 1st time. Like I stated, I always had that feeling that she wouldn't hesitate to have another affair again. So yeah, it is very possible that this was a last subconcious test before making the move. In many ways I'm glad this surfaced before I gave up my house regardless how much it hurts right now. Just thinking of the consequences if this happened after I moved back in with her again is making me cringe.

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