Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Third date went really well... Not sure if it was a date as much as just going out to eat. The evening started with Google Maps not exactly leading me to the right place, so after giving up on the planned restaurant we figured we would see what else was in the area... 5 blocks away we drove by the restaurant, so it took another few minutes to figure out how to get there... She seemed to think the whole thing was funny... Neither of us had much experience eating with chop-sticks and instead of asking for forks or helper-chop-stick, we stuck it out and struggled with the chop-sticks... Which lead to a lot of laughs (I haven't had that much fun eating, or trying to eat, in...ever). The restaurant was fun with the chef coming out and giving free samples to tables and talking to people. The part that threw me, is at one point he came by and asked who I was, friend, boyfriend, etc... She said friend.. That's the part that threw me.. Third time out, stranger asks what we are... Is that what you would say no matter what? After he did a few repeat after me dialogue, he told me what to say to her... Which to his credit was kind of good.. A lot of the things I want to say but am too darn shy... "You are a beautiful woman whose friendship means...." I will admit after that I had to struggle not to break a sweat. The evening went well, other than that, I really hope I'm not friend-zoned... We stayed in the restaurant just about until closing (10ish)... And I was pleased that she seemed to be surprised by the time when it finished.. So I can assume she was not bored and had fun.. She even paid for the both of us at the end; not sure why, she said it was the "least she could do"... I did drive her home (I was surprised how far she has had to travel to all of our meets. She has been late, but I can understand seeing as how far she has been coming out. I did ask her if she had any plans for the weekend she said "No", but most likely would (friend-zoned)... When I dropped her off there was no kiss, other than our standard kiss on the cheek... I know I am overanalyzing... and this is all just a scratch of everything I am thinking... At the end of the last meeting, I wasn't sure if we had enough in common and if we would have enough to talk about... But after last night, I don't feel that at all.. Now I REALLY want to see her again.. And the last thing I want is to be friend-zoned. Neurotically Yours, - Samedy... The Thursday night out was nice... But oh my gosh it was difficult to relax enough to sleep last night... *sigh* Link to comment
hers Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I bet the chef just probably put her in an awkward position and she didn't know how to answer. For all we know, she could be posting on a forum with "I said to a stranger he was my friend! I hope he doesn't think I am friend zoning him!" Saying you were a friend was probably the safe answer for her. Don't worry! Sounds promising to me Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 from what you've described... it kind of sounds like you've been friend zoned. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I don't think the friend comment was significant. If I ran into someone I knew while on a third date and I had to introduce my date, I would likely just say his name - but if I had to give a title I would definitely say "friend". What else would you say: "guy I'm on a date with" "TBD"? I would probably feel to shy to say "oh, we're on on third date". Anyway, paying for both of you ... that also seems normal to me if you've paid for previous dates, and if you drove her all the way home at the end. I would have done the same had I been in her position. Did you try to kiss her? Was there no opportunity? Re: the kiss on the cheek and the weekend plans thing, I think it could go either way (friendzone or not). I would think it very odd of her to keep accepting your dates if she were not interested in you romantically, because I think that was VERY CLEARLY a date, not a friendly hangout (were you two friends before?). If I were you, I would ask her out again and try to make some sort of move during the date. Link to comment
indigoblue Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 3rd date is significant but it's not like it's been a month... no offense. I wouldn't know what to say either if the chef asked me that. "Friend zoned" would mean after the first week or after a couple big dates she just hugs you or kisses you on the cheek and says to you privately that you are friends. I would try to put more moves on her like hold her hand when you two are walking, compliment her on her appearance more, flirt more possibly and you'll know through her reaction to you. Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Anyway, paying for both of you ... that also seems normal to me if you've paid for previous dates, and if you drove her all the way home at the end. The reason that stood out was because the last 2 times we went out, she was the first to tell the server that we were paying seperately... Did you try to kiss her? Was there no opportunity? Re: the kiss on the cheek and the weekend plans thing, I think it could go either way (friendzone or not). I would think it very odd of her to keep accepting your dates if she were not interested in you romantically, because I think that was VERY CLEARLY a date, not a friendly hangout (were you two friends before?). I will be completely honest. I have never initiated the first kiss. It has always been initiated by the woman. So, was there an opportunity? Would I even recognize the opportunity. When I pulled into her place she did point out that her brother was home as his car was in the drive. Wasn't sure why she pointed this out... I thought it could be just small talk or a reason for not hanging around... but again, overanalyzing. I wouldn't mind asking her out again, but I won't ask about this weekend (obviously I already did). I know she starts a new job on Monday, so I was thinking it would be nice (friend or otherwise) to send her a good luck email on Sunday or Monday morning. I would like to send it now (already written), but that might be too soon.. Were we friends before? We were at the same organization. The company has a fairly strict (over the top) policy about no socializing after work hours. When she was here, we would sneak in a few lunches together. When she left she asked me if we could keep in contact and meet sometime. So we were friends, I suppose, but it was difficult to nurture that friendship. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I disagree that you already asked her out for the weekend. You asked her if she had plans. For me, it's just the guy making conversation if he says that - asking out is when he says "would you like to get together this weekend? when are you free?". Funny that you've never initiated the first kiss. I've never done it because all my guy friends always told me that I shouldn't steal the moment from the guy, lol. A moment would be when you're both lingering by the door (instead of her going straight inside), when you're standing close and looking at each other. It's easier to create when you've already had some sort of physical contact, you've put your arm around her or grabbed her hand or something. After re-reading everything you've written I am not sure what her intentions are. I think the best way to find out is to ask her out and make it very clear that it is a date ("I'd love to see you again, would you like to go out to X on Y day" is pretty clear IMO) , and try to make some sort of move, even if it's just to put your arm around her or hold her hand. I'm not one of the dating gurus on here, so hopefully you get some more input, but that's what I think. Link to comment
motley802 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Chef moment was little awkward but I guess it was safe to answer that. I guess things you've described are normal. You haven't made a move yet so its difficult to say. As previous posters said, ask her out and see what she says. Good luck Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Chef moment was little awkward but I guess it was safe to answer that. I guess things you've described are normal. You haven't made a move yet so its difficult to say. As previous posters said, ask her out and see what she says. Good luck While I didn't like the question itself (I could feel the sweat forming beneath my skin)... I did like the say and repeat he did with me... However, I would say that she did seem slightly uncomfortable when it came up... When I was driving her home she did make the comment/apologized for talking so much, and saying that she doesn't find everyone has easy to talk with (i.e., commenting that she had an easy time talking to me). Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 I'm going to pretty much copy and paste your wording for the next meeting. Although that is more or less what I have been doing. Up to this point, it has been more along the lines of me saying we should go out again sometime, she says a date, and I make a suggestion where... Do you agree that I should wait until Sunday/Monday to contact her? Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Hey Samedy. I really shouldn't focus on the friend thing. As others have said, there was little else that would have been appropriate As for her paying for you both... A thankyou for going out of your way to make sure she got home safe!? Again.... Don't over think the small stuff So have you been friend zoned?? Perhaps she is asking herself the same question as we speak. It May be the old fashioned way of looking at things but most women would probably wait for the man to initialte the fist kiss etc! Has there been any sort of touchy moments while you've been on your dates? The old classic just touching her arm when she made you laugh etc! In my opinion you need to think of a kind of date that would make it easier for you to hold her hand or initiate something, maybe if you were to take a nice walk? Strolling side by side and just reach out for her hand. Or if walkings not your thing, maybe go for a meal then on to catch a movie, as you're strolling to the from one to the other... Or sat watching the movie, a nice subtle move to gently hold her hand? (but please not the yawn and put the arm round her trick lol) If she said she had no plans for the weekend, maybe see if she wants to do lunch on Sunday as a good luck lunch or catch an afternoon movie with you. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I'm going to pretty much copy and paste your wording for the next meeting. Although that is more or less what I have been doing. Up to this point, it has been more along the lines of me saying we should go out again sometime, she says a date, and I make a suggestion where... Do you agree that I should wait until Sunday/Monday to contact her? I think Sunday is good to ask her out for a week night and makes sense since you're including the good luck message for the job. I don't really see a reason to wait to ask a woman out again - in my opinion, if she's into you she'd be pleased to hear from you as quickly as possible, and if she's not into you, well, she's not into you anyway! - but I think Sunday isn't too late either. I like flyingpiglet's suggestions too about Sunday, but if you feel like she was telling you she was busy this weekend I understand your reluctance to ask again. Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Has there been any sort of touchy moments while you've been on your dates? The old classic just touching her arm when she made you laugh etc! The second time we went out there was some hand-holding... Last night, we didn't hold hands but our fingers touched a lot.. While we were eating, or they would bump while we were talking... Nothing major... But I never touch my friends fingers while I am talking to them. In my opinion you need to think of a kind of date that would make it easier for you to hold her hand or initiate something, maybe if you were to take a nice walk? Strolling side by side and just reach out for her hand. Or if walkings not your thing, maybe go for a meal then on to catch a movie, as you're strolling to the from one to the other... Or sat watching the movie, a nice subtle move to gently hold her hand? (but please not the yawn and put the arm round her trick lol) If she said she had no plans for the weekend, maybe see if she wants to do lunch on Sunday as a good luck lunch or catch an afternoon movie with you. I am not proud of my ignorance, or lack of knowledge, but is it cheesey just to ask...? The weekend thing, I think her comment was more that she didn't have plans but she would probably have plans... She went on to describe how on Sunday she is helping her brother get ready to leave the city. Most of her plans were on Sunday, but I was on the distinct impression that she didn't want to make plans for Saturday. Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 What are some other options.. So far we have: 1) Dinner 2) Dancing 3) Dinner I've never been a fan of going to a movie for a date... Link to comment
motley802 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Museum? Public parks? Beach? or if she is into outdoor activities then something like short hike or sailing? Link to comment
superfox Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 When did you last speak or text her? I'm not a fan of waiting x amount of days according to the dating book! Always text that night to thank him or her and how you're looking forward to seein them again. I'm not 100% but I'd read your date like you're friend zoning me! Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Are there any cutsey ways for guys to sign a message? The last few have been signed with *Hugs* from her... I remember in High School (ancient history, I know) a girl I was seeing started signing her emails with *Luv*... Being 15, I did the same thing... And then like a wall, stop communication... Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 When did you last speak or text her? I'm not a fan of waiting x amount of days according to the dating book! Always text that night to thank him or her and how you're looking forward to seein them again. I'm not 100% but I'd read your date like you're friend zoning me! We went out last night. Haven't texted her or emailed her yet. I've written in, well most of it... Thought I would wait to send it to her. Why do you say it sounds like I friend-zoned her? Link to comment
superfox Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 We went out last night. Haven't texted her or emailed her yet. I've written in, well most of it... Thought I would wait to send it to her. Why do you say it sounds like I friend-zoned her?It honestly sounds like a hilarious and perfect date but a few things. When the chef asked whether you were friend or bf and she was stuck for a while you should have mentioned to her in a jokey way 'well, what am I?'. Also you said you were shy, when the guy said she was beautiful (it was everything you wanted to say but were shy) with the non answer I would have thought you weren't that into me. You should have said (especially as you meant it) 'he has just said what I wanted to' and 'you do look beautiful tonight'. It's not up to her to kiss you (waits for the male backlash!) but I think you should have gone for it. Next date or next text, tell her that the chef said exactly what you wanted to say. Link to comment
superfox Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 ^sorry, hope it makes sense, iPhone + false nails here! Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 I was reading an article on ways to Avoid the Friend-Zone... Most of the strategies seem to be kind of acting like an ass... *Sigh*... I hate this. Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 ^sorry, hope it makes sense, iPhone + false nails here! Thank you for the long post. On an iphone no less. That takes committement! Link to comment
superfox Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Nah, don't read articles, just go for it! Faint heart ne'er won fair lady ;-) Two results possible - 1) she's not that into you 2) you get yourself a girliefriend! At the moment you're in limbo, do it! Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I've never been a fan of going to a movie for a date... On the first one or two dates, I agree that seeing a movie is not a good move, you need to be able to talk and get to know each other a bit first... But if you are a shy guy... A movie can be the perfect way to start with the hand holding etc If you get to the hand holding stage, I personally think it's sweet if a guy looks into my eyes and asks..... 'may I kiss you' Link to comment
Samedy Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 I kind of think I'm the male version of Liz Lemon (30 Rock)... I just would like to wake up in a relationship that has already been established. Link to comment
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