reboundstudent Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 There is some debate about whether "leagues" exist. But for argument's sake, let's say that generally similar types of people stick together. (Beautiful people hang around with beautiful people, quirky-but-pretty people hang out with quirky-but-pretty people, beautiful-on-the-inside makes friends with other beautiful-on-the-inside.) Obviously, if someone has a big advantage in some other part of themselves besides physical attractiveness (amazing personality or wealthy for example) they can break the mold, but for most people, they hang out with people similar to themselves. So, should people who DON'T have some big advantage try to transcend leagues? In my case, I have a decent-but-average personality, a strong intelligence, a very good job, and bad looks. Overall, I'd put myself in the "Beautiful on the inside" league. I've been on a few dates with a guy who has a very charismatic personality, is incredibly physically attractive, and lives with his parents while still finishing college (at age 28. He has some severe learning disabilities.) My friends (and I'm kind of this opinion too) think that being in a serious relationship with him would be a very bad idea because we are outside each other's leagues. I am no where near his league in terms of looks or social skills, and he is outside my league in terms of education and financial independence. My friends say that it's too much inequality; and furthermore, that dating a guy who is more attractive than you are physically ALWAYS ends badly, especially if he's a big flirt (which this guy is.) What's your guys' experience? Do you think this is true that you shouldn't stray outside your league? Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I think that people should just ignore leagues, and go by if they have nice conversations, physical attraction, common interests, etc. Dividing people into leagues just cuts off options, plus the lines can't be strictly defined anyway.. and a relationship with someone out of your league has about the same chance of success/failure as one with someone in your 'league', I think.. you could meet someone who is in your league for everything, but be a total jerk. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 George Clooney dates within his league regarding looks and line of work....none of his relationships go the distance. If you are happy with the guy you are dating then you shouldn't overthink things as for as being of different leagues. Link to comment
22n32 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I dont think there are leagues.. ive dated very attractive girls and alot less attractive girls.. u have to find beauty in them one way or another for it to work.. but what i think is important compatibility, of same wants, desire, future goals,etc.. if i look back at my succesfull rel that i loved.. they ranged from 7-10+ on scale of looks but the best one were the ones that were like me, enjoyed the same foods, tv shows, books, traveling, clothes style.. pretty much same version of me.. Link to comment
22n32 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 George Clooney dates within his league regarding looks and line of work....none of his relationships go the distance. If you are happy with the guy you are dating then you shouldn't overthink things as for as being of different leagues. i think they dont work because he doesnt want them to work.. he thinks he is george clonney so i will play forever and be a bachelor.. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 my Bf and i are totally out of each other's leagues, he is way better looking, earns more money has better education more life experience, but our past and what we have been through and how we react to people is similar and no one would guess that from seeing us...so we seem out of each other's leagues but are actually a perfect match.. people can judge so quickly but it is ultimately how you realte to each other, how you make each other feel what is important and not looks or whatever... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I think you're being too narrowminded and selling yourself short. Some of the most interesting and meaningful friendships and relationships I have are with people who you would consider to be "out of my league" (in either "direction"). You, not me, because I don't like to put people in boxes like that. Link to comment
WhenWillILove Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Yeah, leagues exist. But it's really up to you to decide whether they should dictate your lifestyle. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 It all boils down to compatibility and attraction. Are you two compatible, have similar interests, really enjoy each others company, find each other sexually attractive. If the answer is yes, the extraneous stuff doesn't matter. The only thing that would give me pause is you say he's a big flirt. Not a deal breaker but something to be cautious about. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 No offense but I think the way you have this whole 'league' and upper-echeleon thing going on is very limiting to us all. People fall in love and like who they like for whatever reason. I don't think that I'm Denzel Washington, but I also don't think that I'm The Penguin from Batman either. So if Halle Berry and I fall in love (which as we know will someday happen) it shouldn't matter that she's a super actress, rich, beautiful, famous and sexy woman and she met.... me. If we like each other, we like each other, nevermind the superficial crap, you can lose all of that and end up in under-roos and socks. So that stuff has to be taken out of the negotiating table. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I think that leagues exist because people create them for whatever reason. I do not agree that a person has to date within their league, I think if you find a person attractive you make a move. If that person is responsive then you go from there. I think it is about chemistry between the people than what league each person is in. Link to comment
reboundstudent Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 What people are saying about there not being any leagues makes sense, but at the same time, one of the reasons I'm told I'm not successful with guys is that I go for guys who I have no hope of attracting... I've been told by friends and people on forums like this that the reason I can't find a boyfriend is because I must go for jerky/too-attractive guys, when being homely myself I should be going for average/homely guys. So which is it? Link to comment
Generation Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I've been told by friends and people on forums like this that the reason I can't find a boyfriend is because I must go for jerky/too-attractive guys, when being homely myself I should be going for average/homely guys. I say screw that, and screw them. Don't sell yourself short. "Sorry, I'm gonna break up with you because I'm out of your league in X, but you're out of my league in Y, it wouldn't work out" In my case, my girlfriend is so stacked. She's crazy smart, very respectable job, has her own place, great personality, and drop dead gorgeous. I'm jealous of myself for having her! But I'm not gonna drop her cause I think I'm not good enough for her, or that I think there's someone else better for her than me which I don't even believe there is. Even if I lack just about all of those things, I still got her somehow, and made it work too. Most importantly, she really really likes me too. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Just because someone is in a certain league doesnt mean they like people in their own league, that seems to be frailty in the "league" theory Link to comment
Alezia Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 For one, I couldn't even say what's the better quality (or insult depending on the perspective) about me - my job, my looks, or my intelligence as the categories you've stated. Plus I have different group of friends as I have varied interests. I'm a hard core geek, and I don't mind trying something new - at some point in my life I was part of a DnD and beer drinking club, at another I was playing World of Warcraft, I'm a Software Engineer, and I'm starting to read the Game of Throne books after seeing the TV series. Another part of me is into beauty - I love fashion, I've taken a makeup artistry class and friends love for me to doll them up before we go out, I love clubbing and dancing. What part defines me more than the other? I mean, you make it really simple to put yourself on a ladder, but I can`t figure where the heck I would stand on it. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 What people are saying about there not being any leagues makes sense, but at the same time, one of the reasons I'm told I'm not successful with guys is that I go for guys who I have no hope of attracting... I've been told by friends and people on forums like this that the reason I can't find a boyfriend is because I must go for jerky/too-attractive guys, when being homely myself I should be going for average/homely guys. So which is it? I've read a few of your threads and I don't think that is what people are telling you here at all. I think you've been told that you go for guys that are not interested in relationships, and that don't treat you well, or only want FWB. Those guys are not necessarily jerks, but they are not going to give you what you want. And their looks have little to do with it. If they happen to be good-looking and are not willing to date you, then fine, there's a coincidence. But nobody is telling you to date within what you believe to be your "league", looks-wise. Btw, we've also all seen your photo, and it's pretty clear that you are not a physically unattractive person. How you feel view yourself is really sad. Link to comment
TheVP Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I guess I don't want to say I necessarily believe in the leagues, but I obviously try to approach the ones I'm attracted to, or at least those I think I have a chance. Back earlier this year a friend wanted me to take out his "slightly chubby" sister while she was in town. She was actually really big, but I have to admit, I had a really great time out with her. There was no love connection, but I'm really glad that I met her. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Look at Sophia Loren and Carlo Ponti - looks wise, they look mismatched - and their marriage lasted more than 50 years, until his death. There was also a 20 year age gap. Just goes to show that who you love can't be added up in numbers or appearances! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 There are definitely leagues. Oh, sometimes people date beneath them for whatever reason (insecurity seems to be the main one), and sometimes people honestly don't care. I am a 4.5 on a good day, probably more like a 4. My current relationship prospects--were I interested in them--are down around my level (with one notable and sadly irrelevant exception). But with FWB, I've gone as high as 8.5, because temporary/secretive situations aren't as demanding. So I shall go forward with FWB. Link to comment
Alezia Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Is the league strictly based on looks then? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Depends, women are more likely to be attracted to behavior and/or someone with a lot of resources. Men are more attracted to the physical. You can hear a woman talk about how a man behaves, or they will discuss the mans ambition, or the money they have. Men, will talk about a womans... you know, basically things that will get my words edited on here. A man can look like a sexy hunk, but can do something creepy like stare and be socially awkward, weak-willed with desperation, and the women can be turned off. A girl can have a sexy body and pretty face and show the same behavioral traits and the guy would pump his fist in the air with anticipation. Supposedly its the whole provider/protector role for the man whos behavior gives away their strength and ability to protect a family, and the woman is compared by what genes they possess to pass on to the males offspring. As always, there are exceptions. I did once like this girl that wasn't physically attractive, but she knew how to gather attraction in other more general ways. Link to comment
Alezia Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Hum, so you're pretty much giving me the permission to be really * * * * * y if I show a lot of cleavage and a round butt? Score. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Hum, so you're pretty much giving me the permission to be really * * * * * y if I show a lot of cleavage and a round butt? Score. Yeah, for that one night... just dont expect that call tomorrow. Link to comment
Alezia Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Yeah, for that one night... just dont expect that call tomorrow. That's even better, else the boyfriend would hear it Link to comment
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