Why We Can't Be Friends

[oO pd Oo]

It all kind of hit me this morning while I was practicing Yoga...

 

She offered up the ole friendship card after her inability to be open and honest with me (the only thing I ever I asked from day 1) lead to the end of us and a severely broken heart. What came to me in on my mat this morning is a quote from Oscar Wilde...

 

“True friends stab you in the front.”

 

Maybe I'm getting carried away, but I think it sums it up pretty beautifully. We can't be true friends because, if you wanted to be true friends/were capable of being true friends, you would have been open and honest with me (as that is how true friends work) and to put it bluntly, you wouldn't have stabbed me in the back.

 

I forgave you.

I forgive you.

I care about you.

I want you to be happy.

Unless I can be a bigger man than I am today...

We cannot be friends

Nothing left to do but SAIL.

[QSP]

Well said brother!!!!

[Eocsor]

The friendship card is often played as a way to soften the blow from the breakup and make the dumper feel better about themselves.

 

Friendship can not exist between people who were previously in a relationship if one partner still has romantic feelings for the other. It's a one way ticket to he!!

[BlueRose66]

 

 

I just posted a response to this on this thread. I hope this linking I just did works. Basically, it tells of my experiences of being with someone who has chosen to stay friends with ex's. It hurt my relationship and in retrospect lead to its ending. Lots of drama and I dont want that. I never thought it was a good idea to stay friends with ex's but there are some exceptions.

 

Well, the linking I didnt work. But my response is under ex girlfriend/boyfriends forum and is under the topic; No contact forever.

 

I would love some feedback but dont want to steal anyones thread.

[oO pd Oo]

BlueRose66--

 

Feel free to request feedback. My original post here on this thread is more of a statement than a "what should I do?" or "please help me" type thread. That said, it's a great avenue for discussion about post BU friendships or non-friendships and the various experiences and insights of the community. I'm of the philosophy that the thread isn't really "mine". It's anyone's and everyone's.

[oO pd Oo]

As for my feedback on the post with your ex...

 

I agree with you. Staying "friends" with your ex seems to be pretty questionable in most cases (not all--but most). Seems to me it doesn't help with the whole trust thing as far as your future relationships go.

[vodka]

The breakup was mutual at first, but six months later I wanted him back and he said no, said he didn't love me anymore. That was last year. Now, he wants to be friends fresh out of his latest break up. LOL. This is the second time he's done this. Then says his girlfriend was the reason why we coulnd't be friends. Well, no surprise if you're always referencing things we said. One time his recent ex told me she was fed up with him talking about me. What made it awkward was that she was referencing things we never discussed, but what was posted on my facebook. She informed me that he checked my facebook every single day according to his Internet history and wanted me out his life. She told him to block me but he unblocked after a few weeks.

 

That was nearly 9 months ago and we went from somewhat regular contact to NC. He broke it in Aug with a long apology but didn't say anything about getting together. My NC continued until he broke up with his girlfriend last week. He's going through pain but I don't owe him anything. I'm making great progress in my healing so he needs to do the same and let go.

 

So until then, we cannot be friends!