I still want my ex back, any chance?

[Lenny70]

We were together 2 1/2 years, were very much in love and the sexual chemistry was amazing, it began to go wrong last year when i visited my ex ex girlrfriend (were just good friends) i didnt tell her, she found out and dumped me so we split up last year for 5 months, i chased and chased and chased her, until i finally gave up and went travelling for a few months...as soon as i got there she began to call me and we got back together after 6 weeks travelling.

A few months after getting my second chance, i found out she had been to another country to visit a guy (with friends) while we were together the year before, she said nothing happened...he told me different. I tried to push my feelings away because i wanted her, this was my second chance... I didnt want to let her go, but i couldnt help myself and became moody and distant so she dumped me. That was 11 weeks ago, we got back together for a week, but she was cold so i packed my bags and left, she invited back 5 days later, but it only lasted 4 more weeks,i then got dumped again by text message

This time feels different, ive done all the usual.. I begged, pleaded chased(again) i went no contact for 3 weeks, then bought an engagment ring and asked her to marry me. She said no of course.

The biggest problem we have now are trust issues, i wasnt unfaithful to her and its possible she wasnt unfaithful to me, so this whole mess is because of some poorly thought out actions.

I love her so much, i know she is the right one for me.. I want her back.

She sounds like its definatley over for her.. Although she was acting exactly the same last year when she took me back. If i write to her she takes her time responding and is very cold.

But after a half hour phone call last week she said some of the following..

She doesnt want a guy in her life ( so, theres no-one else).

We cant be together, but she still loves me.

Shes ok without me, but it really hurts splitting up.

We cant be friends.... But maybe we can meet each other sometime in the future.

I went no contact a week ago now.. I feel i have pursued every avenue now with no positive response.

I have deleted her from everything and i feel i need to let go of her.

However, although i want to let go, i still hope for a reconcilliation. It will just have to come from her.

My question is, do you think by the things she said, that she knows what she wants right now, but is also a little confused? She says she loves me still so maybe space and time is what she needs?

What do you think?

[Mharris]

Doesn't sound like you have a very healthy relationship, and trying to hold on is only going to prolong the process. I would leave her alone for a while, date some other people even if you don't really feel like it, and in the meantime she might, MIGHT, come around or you might find someone else you like as much as her. Once the trust is gone, it's a very steep uphill road. Sorry bro.

[jeepman41]

If there is hope for reconciliation it will only come after a period of NC. This does sound like an unhealthy relationship with all the breaking up and then trying to get back together. Successful reunions require some time apart, usually 4-6 months for both parties to heal and work on whatever caused you to break up in the first place. If you separate and then rush right back in because you miss someone you haven't taken the time to assess the real problems.

 

Then you have to approach it like a brand new relationship and start from the beginning and resist the temptation to pick up where you left off. It may be difficult but if both parties really want it and work together it can happen.

[Lenny70]

Thanks for the input guys, the last few attempts at getting back together and splitting up again were obviously not going to work, we both told each other that thngs had to change, but we didnt do anything about it..it was a stressful time, very hard to be emotionally stable when your not sure what is happening, i decided to go no contact last week, and in a couple of months im going to india for 3 months so, im going to take this time to look out for myself, back to the gym and quit smoking today.. I want to become emotionally stable again and to let her go. Thats not to say i dont want her back, but i need to let go of the attachment to her. If she contacts me well fine, ill take it from there... Its absolutley correct what you say jeepman, for successfull reunions there has to be at least 4 months of no contact. Our relationship had become unhealthy and had to finish how it was, i agree with her on that. I just wish i was he one who finished it, then maybe our roles would be reversed right now, i hate this emotional roller coaster, ive been on one ride to many

After i come back fom India i will maybe contact her then, i love this woman with all my heart, she still loves me, but it was the relationship which turned sour. Its a new relationship with her that i want, to start from scratch and learn from our previous mistakes.. But right now i need to look after me and let go of the attachment to her..