Dating is exhausting. What did I do wrong this time?

[annie24]

Ok, you say this, but this is a lot of inferring. You're inferring what he is thinking based on your perceptions and your friends perceptions. i would really go 'straight to the horse's mouth' for this kind of stuff. i think that it's still the early days of the relationship, and maybe wanting to see him 2-3 times a week, ever week might be asking for too much. I don't know his schedule, but is it possible that he has an exceptionally busy work week this week? I don't know about him, but sometimes i am swamped with work, and other times i have a little bit more time to relax.....

 

I agree that you shouldn't sit around and wait for him, and that you should make plans with your friends.

 

I know you say you are really sweet and supportive, but is it really your job to be so sweet and supportive 5 weeks in?? when you two haven't even discussed exclusivity? maybe you should chill out a little and try to enjoy things.

[brazilgirl21]

Annie,

 

I don't think you guys are understanding what I mean.

 

IF things stay the same, then of course I will be happy. I have been very happy with everything he has been giving me so far.

 

I'm just saying that this week he had been different and we are not going to see eachother today. If this is just an off week, ok fine. If we get to hangout tomorrow and everything is amazing then fine.

 

I'm just scared of not seeing him at all this weekend. That's what is going to bother me.

 

IF this becomes a give give give scenario, then I won't be pleased. I'm talking about the future. I do not have all facts to make a decision yet.

 

I guess the best thing I can do is stay in the present though.

 

Also, the guy was really sad and beaten up last night, I just wanted to be sweet because it's what I felt like doing? You think it was bad of me to send a sweet text?

[lalalollipops]

Personally, I think it would be pretty overwhelming to be constantly together. You've seen him ALOT these few weeks, and maybe in combo with his job getting busy, he just wants alittle space? I mean come on lol... This guy seems really busy, and since you've been spending so much time together he might just want alittle breathing space.

 

If I were him I would want it.

[brazilgirl21]

lala - I understand. I do agree things started way too intense. But it was his initiating... he pursued me and wanted to see me all the time.

 

So I think it is a little reasonable that I feel a little insecure when the pattern changes?

[Batya33]

One of the best feelings I ever had - it was the 4th time in about two-three weeks that I lost sleep again over a guy I'd been dating for a few months. I was very taken with him. This time, he'd been away on a vacation and hadn't been in touch the way I thought he would be. The night before he was to return I was panicking/anxious that I wouldn't hear from him when he returned. The next morning it hit me - no rationalizing, no analyzing -just this feeling of "enough". I was done. I was done being anxious about this guy not calling me. Done worrying about whether he was into me. It felt so good. And of course a few hours later he called. When we next saw each other later that week I knew his feelings had changed and we ended things a few weeks later (I was happy to do so as I discovered a major red flag about him). I hope you get the peace of mind I did then - that feeling that this is not going to take you down, make you panic -it's not. worth. it.

[Batya33]

lala - I understand. I do agree things started way too intense. But it was his initiating... he pursued me and wanted to see me all the time.

 

So I think it is a little reasonable that I feel a little insecure when the pattern changes?

 

Irrelevant that he pursued -you were an equal participant, you have complete responsibility for how often you chose to see him and be in contact with him.

[brazilgirl21]

I promise that I'm A LOT more calm today than I was the past few days.

 

I am just going with the flow now and seeing how this goes. I hope it works out, because I like this guy. But if it doesn't, it's not going to kill me. Only make me stronger.

[brazilgirl21]

The T weirdness continues. Something is up with this boy. Either he's really not into me anymore or he's very stressed with his job and has no patience for anybody. He just sent me the COLDEST messages. Literally. Had he been any colder, my phone would have FROZEN.

 

We didn't talk all day and I BIT my fingers to not talk to him even though all my friends had plans and I ended up home alone on a Friday. At 12:30am he writes me:

 

T: Hi. Just got home a few minutes ago.

M: Hey, that's great. You ok?

T: Yes. You?

M: I'm great. Going to get a lot of rest? You deserve it!

T: Yep. I'm here.

M: Good, good. Call me tomorrow when you wake-up?

T: Cool.

M: Cool. Good night. Xo.

T: Xo

 

The only positive? I guess he feels like reporting to me? We had no plans to hangout but he still texted when he got home?

Boy is confusing me a lot, to be honest. He's NOT being romantic AT ALL. Look at his texts. And he used to be the cutest with me.

 

At the same time, it seems like I mean something to him that he feels like texting me and letting me know he got home? And late enough to make me understand why we didn't get to hangout?

 

But it seems like it's such a hassle to have to talk to me or let me down for not being able to see me. I just feel like talking to me is not a pleasure for him considering his tone. This time, I tried to mimic his behavior. I'm done being all cutey dutey when boyfriend is being COLD. Not playing the stupid chick anymore. Impressed that he didn't even CARE to ask if I was home, if I was out... what I was up to.

 

I'm super confused and I hope we get to see eachother tomorow so I can gauge what is going on in person.

 

I wonder if he just wants to dump me? But considering we're not really in a relationship I guess there's no need for any dumping? What is going on?

 

Did I pressure him through my texts? Was asking him to call me when he wakes up pressure?

[LovingMe2]

I would say to listen to your 'gut instinct'. I've finally learned over my 46 years that my 'gut instincts' are nearly always right. What I've got to practice now is actually 'LISTENING' to them. If you have doubt, it's usually for some good reason I've learned from experience. As women though we tend to either ignore those red flags or over rationalise them. It's a valuable gift we have, we just need to learn to pay attention more

[brazilgirl21]

Eh, I think my gut instinct was wrong this time. Specially because I was analyzing texts and phone calls over a VERY busy week.

 

We just spend Saturday and Sunday together and things were REALLY amazing. He treated me as he always does, with so much respect and care and attention. He's really great to me and I feel so bad for doubting him.

 

He was CLEARLY very busy with work. He woke-up today at 9am to have a call with a client and was e-mailing all morning in bed. Poor guy. But he was all careful not to wake me up. Then he asked his boss to meet a little later at the office today so he could spend more time with me. He said he wanted to take me out for a really nice lunch because he feels really bad he has been working so much lately. He told me this is NOT how it is all the time and that it was only a really bad 2 week period and that work should be a little less hectic now.

 

So yes, of course I will probably still have my insecurities, because I like this guy a lot, but he has NOT changed with me at all. He's REALLY nice and clearly thinks about me.

 

It was so cute today. When we woke-up he said he got me a present. And I'm like, umm, what? Haha. And he got hair conditioner for me because he always had to steal his sister's. I mean, that's really attentive you know? To remember to buy ME hair conditioner.

[sophie274]

Ah, BG, can I say I told you so?

I'm glad you had a good weekend together.

[Batya33]

Sounds like a fun weekend and glad seeing him reassured you.

[brazilgirl21]

Last posts on my journal just for those to see that sometimes, gut instincts ARE wrong!

 

Update:

 

So it was officially one of our best weekends together. I guess the time apart was actually really great because it made us appreciate our time together even more. We seemed closer than ever.

 

He called me right after work yesterday wanting to see me again and I was with friends but went to visit him at home for half an hour.

 

Then he sent me the cutest text saying that he had an amazing time with me even if we couldn't spend as much time together as he'd like...

 

I'm going to keep the feet in the ground because I know how horrible I felt for 5 days until seeing him, but things seem pretty great and I'm going to try to be happy about that and focus on work and gym and apps this week.

 

Ahh, and I have a wedding on Saturday and I invited him to come yesterday. Was it ok?

 

and:

 

After the weekend, things with T took a crazy turn for the better. I think we both kind of felt the 'pressure' or 'insecurity' of the days apart so when we saw eachother things were SO amazing that we are totally in love this week.

 

It's like his interest didn't just 'come back' but doubled.

 

I guess this crazy week was a little test on our budding relationship and it's pretty clear we really want to be together.

 

He called me last night and we talked for hours and we just really missed eachother even after just a day apart. Today he already texted me at 10am to help me with something from work.

 

Things are amazing, really.