Really confused about the feeling that I am having...

[chelsea1234]

I am dating a guy that I have been with for almost two years now. I am in college. I had a boyfriend in high school that I dated for near four years. He was obviously my first love, blah blah. I feel like in all the relationships after this guy, I always gravitated back toward him. I know that's normal since he was my first love and all. But, I am with my guy now, first serious and adult relationship that I have had in my life, and although we have had our share of troubles, I am very happy with my current boyfriend. So why is it that at random times, happens no matter the status of my relationship with my current boyfriend (fighting or not) i start to think about the guy that I dated during high school. We still talk from time to time, maybe once a month if that. I always feel really guilty thinking about my ex, because it feels like I am emotionally cheating on him. I know my ex still loves me, he doesn't keep that a secret, although he has moved on as a whole, he periodically lets me know that we are going to end up together one day. I absolutely love my boyfriend but I cannot stop these feelings from flooding my head sometimes and it really kills me. All it makes me want to do is march to my ex's house and be with him. My current boyfriend is probably a little more financially stable than my ex, and my ex lives three hours away from me. My ex is moving into the same city that I live in this coming summer and I feel like that will only make things harder for me. I want to state once again how in love I am with my boyfriend, I just need to know why I am having these feelings. The thought of leaving my current boyfriend makes me sick, but these feelings make me so uneasy and make me feel like I am hiding something. Feedback is much appreciated.

[katycloud]

You said that when you think about your ex it makes you want to "march to my ex's house and be with him." So obviously these feelings that you are having you are telling you that there is still something there with you ex, you must still have feelings for him if this is the way you feel. Even though you are in love with your current boyfriend, it is still possible to have feelings for someone else. You need to make a decision - who is the man who you want to be with? Your current boyfriend? Or your ex? If you want to stay with your current boyfriend then you need to cut contact with your ex so that you can allow yourself to get over him and the feelings to fade. He could also be influencing these feelings by continuing his contact with you and saying things to you like how he thinks you are going to end up together etc...

[chelsea1234]

It's so much easier said than done. For instance, my ex and I can go months without talking, and then once a conversation is started it's like we never stopped talking in the first place. It's weird because I do feel over him 99% of the time, it's just this 1% of me that's still clinging onto him for some reason and I need to figure out why I guess. I don't see myself without my current boyfriend, but it also scares me to think about moving in with him and possibly getting married one day. I feel like I can see this with my ex (mostly because we were together for so long and we were so much younger, planning out kids names, etc). I just really don't know what to do. I feel like my current relationship being in the 'not so honeymoon' phase has something to do with my wandering mind. I guess I just need help weighing the pros and cons and have nobody really to talk to about this and be unbiased at the same time

[katycloud]

I know it's much easier said than done, I've been through these feelings too And it sucks! But you really need to decide who you want to be with. It's just a decision that has to be made. It would be unfair on your current boyfriend to continue the relationship if you're not 100% sure that you want to be with him. It would also be unfair to your current boyfriend if you continued to talk to your ex whom you still have feeling for (even if it's only a tiny niggling, they're still feelings...) Sometimes when you're in a long term relationship, things get boring and you suffer from the 'grass is greener' syndrome - I've been through this with my current boyfriend of 5 years but eventually I realised how much I love him and don't want to leave him.

 

Why did you originally break up with your ex? Do you really think if you got back together, that you would be happier than you are with your current boyfriend?

[chelsea1234]

We broke up because I was feeling trapped, he basically made it so I had no friends, but I know it was just a form of jealousy. I think sleeping on it, I want to stay with my current boyfriend, I love him way too much to let him go, thank you so much!