I want to meet someone. I need advice, don't know how.

[volvic]

I feel sad, I know that I need to be myself when I meet people. I just can't very easily when I am with a guy I like, then my insecurities show. A year and a half ago I was unable to look men in the eye, it physically hurt. I get scared still of guys sometimes, but part of me really wants to get close to someone. I've never had a boyfriend, except in kindergarden. I really want to know how it feels to hold hands, exchange warm hugs, and like someone and know they like you too. I feel very lonely. My insecurities get in the way,

[volvic]

I was in a treatment center for eating disorders for nine months, part of my work was trauma, that's kind of why men were hard to look at in the eye.

[OahuGrown808]

I don't know much about trauma or disorders, but just know that many guys feel the same way when it comes to interacting with girls! In fact, for the entirety of high school and through the early years of college I would have heavy anxiety when interacting with a girls, freeze up, and act like a complete idiot. I always thought that I was ugly or unworthy of their attention/affection/love, and those thoughts, which btw where completely baseless and irrational, really did a number on me. The best way that I can describe it is that I used the fact that I was single my whole life as evidence for the previously mentioned thoughts, when in fact I really had no idea what these girls were thinking at all, and more likely defeated myself with all my negative thinking, interpreting things incorrectly and giving meaning to things that don't really matter. Similarly, you might use the fact that you underwent treatment for a disorder as evidence for any sort of negative thoughts that you might be having when talking to boys. But for all you know they could be admiring you for any number of reasons! They don't know about your past, and the fact that you underwent treatment shows that you are taking control of your life. That's a victory in my book! Give people the benefit of the doubt. In my experience they usually always surprise you.

[indigoblue]

You can try to approach more sensitive guys, perhaps in a counselling group who would be understanding of your trauma.

[SudoMB]

Hmm

 

It's a big risk...but maybe start chatting with someone first to really get to know them.

 

A year and a half ago I was unable to look men in the eye, it physically hurt. I get scared still of guys sometimes, but part of me really wants to get close to someone.

 

Reminds me a bit of my ex when we first met. Severe social anxiety was preventing her from making eye contact with people. She explained to me how she'd worked long and hard to look people in the face, but made sure never to make eye contact etc etc.

 

So when we met each other online we and just got to know each other first, exchanged pictures at some point, I don't think either of us we're expecting anything (I know for sure as hell I wasn't lol).

 

Where's the advice in this?

 

Hmm...I know you don't want to be alone anymore, most people live with their insecurities and do a real good job of masking them, or make it a life long journey to over come them.

 

Be yourself, be honest, play it safe at first, maybe online chatting (be careful of those who prey on womens' insecurities though).

 

While I don't agree in whole with what Ohau wrote, there is some truth in there. If you start to realize that you have no idea really what people think of you, and the only way you'll know for certain is to interact with them, then you might be able to build a bit more self confidence.