Ex broke NC and yep.... I got my hopes up

[Charingx1]

Ex dumped me 5 months ago after 16 month relationship. Issues around trust I had with her. I begged pleaded for couple weeks. We kissed again around 2.5 months ago but then she said she couldn't get back together, no explanation, just couldn't. I know she has been on a dating site since 3 weeks post break up. I found out she had a date arranged but think he let her down.

 

Anyway, we work together and she emailed once or twice about work stuff, brought a drink into my office for me (bit odd). I then had long periods of holiday and working away so have been absolute no contact for around 2 months. Nothing. And it has really helped. I am not healed but I'm much better.

 

So yesterday was my second day back in the office. I basically go about my day as if she isn't there, we have no reason to talk as not on same team but are in the same office. So I saw her yesterday for first time in weeks and she looked back and smiled. I just said hi and carried on. Then I get an email asking how my promotion is going. I had read advice on here. I was blunt but friendly.

 

She then asks loads of questions about my little boy who she adored and I get dragged into a convo about that. I didn't reply immediately like I used to, in fact I waited until today to reply to the latest. Basically her saying I'm really proud of all your doing for (my son) and saying bet he has fun with you, asking how my ex is with him etc.

 

Went back to being polite and have now left for the day so no doubt tomorrow will have another email, but essentially I'm afraid to say it did get my hopes up again. It seems to me she us fishing for info and is just curious. Probably bored at work too. No mention of meeting etc or anything. In fact I'm not even sure I'd say yes if she asked any more. But it's brought back all these things I thought I'd got over like this weird hope, wondering If she's going to reply etc.

 

I don't want to be rude, my plan is to just cut it off tomorrow, just answer whatever she asks and sort of say glad your ok and stop there. But I can't help that tiny part of me wondering if she is reaching out.

 

Any thoughts or advice or support very welcome!

[Real Deal]

Yes, she is. However, she is not quite there all the way and how you play it will determine how things go. Just RELAX and play it cool. Be nice but not too nice....if that makes sense. Treat her no different than you would another co-worker. NO relationship talk even if she brings it up or says something like she misses you. Just smile. Act as if you know something nobody else in the world knows. I know, it sounds childish and manipulative but these are the way these things must be played. Keep posting on here as things progress.

[Charingx1]

Thanks, i will update this thread tomorrow with her latest response although I get the impression she has her info so is closing the conversation, but her last email asked few questions. Weird as it wasn't so long ago she asked me to stop checking up on her and leave her alone! Her wish was my command.. The result.. I have healed a lot and she's wondering about my life. If her next email contains no questions you thunk I should just not reply? If it does il maybe ask her some random question see how the land lies. Another funny point, 2 months ago she was replying to my emails like an hour later etc. Now it's BAM reply received.

 

I just do not want to feel again like I did in those first 4 months. I don't want to go back to thinking of her all the time and missing her. I only want that if there's a chance at reconciliation. I won't allow us to become friends but in a way we will have to be, I will have to take a risk, if I want more. I can't expect her to go oh cone back to me please I made a huge mistake, she's not like that.

 

Who knows she may not respond and we don't speak again so my update tomorrow could be pretty short! I have told her numerous times I'd never be her friend if she's seeing someone else. So that deffo won't be happening.

[offplanet]

It's very easy for her to casually keep making contact and getting your hopes raised, with no intention on her part of coming back. Don't let her do that. She chose to cut you loose, so don't give her the satisfaction of keeping you dangling with crumbs of interest shown. You sound too vulnerable to her thoughtless attempts to stay on your radar. If I were you I would pollitely suggest that as she's made her decision to leave you, it's pointless to discuss your life with her any more, and to please respect that you need to keep your distance from her from now on. She's dismissing your feelings by expecting you to be her pal.

[kaibutsu]

It's very easy for her to casually keep making contact and getting your hopes raised, with no intention on her part of coming back. Don't let her do that. She chose to cut you loose, so don't give her the satisfaction of keeping you dangling with crumbs of interest shown. You sound too vulnerable to her thoughtless attempts to stay on your radar. If I were you I would pollitely suggest that as she's made her decision to leave you, it's pointless to discuss your life with her any more, and to please respect that you need to keep your distance from her from now on. She's dismissing your feelings by expecting you to be her pal.

 

This. You're healing. Don't let her get in the way of you healing. If you don't want to be confrontational at all, and I'm highly non-confrontational so I probably would have a tough time following my own advice here, I would just do what you said and not respond to her emails and only respond about the work information. Even if she asks questions in the next response, just let it drop. You're on a path to feeling a lot better and it's not cool for her to be picking at your scars like that, whether she has any intentions or not.

[Charingx1]

I agree in a way I just think I have that doubt about what if she's testing the water and wants to meet. She's the type who'd want me to make the suggestion. As an aside, I note she is online on a dating site tonight, one she's left alone for a while. Maybe she just needed attention today! Or maybe she's back online because she thinks I'm not interested. Who knows. Simple answer - I'm going to cut it short tomorrow. She then makes fresh contact I think il suggest meeting and if she says no then politely say please leave me to heal as I still have lingering feelings and it's upsetting me being in contact. Done.

[Charingx1]

Update - she asked a couple more things, I was polite and drew the conversation to a close. I won't be initiating contact. If she does again then il suggest a meet up maybe, what do people think?

[Real Deal]

let her suggest it