Snake90 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 My partner and I have been together for just over two years now and I'm starting to seriously reassess where my future and our future together is going. * I'm almost 22 and he is 30. * The age gap has never been an issue as he doesn't act his age. Which may be part of the problem... * As I said I'm 22 but I believe I am fairly mature and have a drive to succeed in life. I am almost about to graduate from university and start my professional career, and I feel as though my relationship with him could potentially interfere with my goals. * In my past and my partners past (together and separately) we have struggled with addiction to both tobacco and pot. We stopped smoking tobacco over a year ago and only very recently stopped smoking marijuana, but I have concerns about his drive to stay 'clean' as it were. I am at a point where I can no longer take drugs as I realize it's effects on my mental health, leading me to become depressed and unmotivated, although this has yet to seriously effect me reaching my goals. * My partner has smoked pot since his mid to late teens and for me only the last couple of years habitually. My concern is that the only reason that he has stopped is to keep the peace in our relationship, as has happened before, and that eventually, due to ties with his friends who still smoke pot, it will re-enter our lives. When we are addicted I feel trapped by my addiction and become unmotivated to live in a positive way or be able to really view our relationship in a clear headed manner. * He states that he is making the changes for me as he is loves me deeply and I believe he does, but this * concerns me as I feel I have already tried to change significant aspects of his life already by trying to detox, break other bad lifestyle habits, begin to get ahead on payments of a sizeable amount of debt and push him to be more career minded. * A big concern of mine is that I have already made a fatal flaw in trying to change him so much and that these changes haven't stemmed from any desire from within himself to change, as when we met he was quite settled in his lifestyle (although in hindsight he does express feeling less happy then he does now). I have expressed these concerns with him and he says that he just wants to be with me and will do whatever it takes... * However, during all of our detoxing attempts from both substances it has been me who has always been the one to push us back on the wagon, even when he could clearly see how I was affected by it and expressed my need for him to take leadership in quitting. I'm not saying that I have no part in making my choices about drugs but I just feel as though the hard work of committing to, executing and maintaining sobriety has always been on me, and no positive input into the relationship and our lifestyles has been contributed by him, despite his much needed love and support throughout our relationship and in dextoxing. I'm now at a point where I am sober, feeling clear headed and with a positive outlook about the future and about myself, which has taken awhile to get back to. The only time I have felt this good is before my grandmother passed away almost 4yrs ago which affected me significantly and during our last sober stretch together, which probably lasted * about four months. * In the beginning of our relationship I had just exited a fairly tumultuous relationship, dated a couple of people who seemed to be positive influences and then met my current partner. The first night we met I went to his house where we smoked pot, and have pretty much not been apart since, making me think that it may have been rushed, poorly thought out and centered around our/my addiction. Lately, I have become increasing concerned about where we are headed and obviously at trying to stay sober. I spend most of my day wondering what life would be like with another more like-minded person and if I will ever feel completely devoted/in awe of the person I'm in a relationship with again. Writing this has been therapeutic in itself but i am hoping for some feedback/advice about what people think about my situation. * Any help will be greatly appreciated and I am willing to answer any questions that are posted. Cheers. * Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.